How to communicate with a girl in a relationship?

So, I've been dating this girl off and on for almost 3 years. Everytime we take a break she loses it and almost always goes off and gets hurt by some other guy. I don't agree with taking breaks, I believe in working things out to make things go smoothly. But, she wanted a break and it was take a break or break up for good. So, I decided to give it a couple more chances. I do love her and thats my weakness with her. Things have been really great, but lately she's grown distant and now almost everything I do is selfish to her and im trying to do everything in my power to not be considered selfish to her and go out of my way for her. I mean I know im being a pushover, but I suspect she's depressed or really burnt out from her stressful job. And she's blocked all attempts by me to show I care about her and only chooses to observe when I ask the smallest things from her. And I suspect she's been cheating on me. Either that or she wants space, which I understand. But, during that space I suspect she's cheating on me but I don't know for sure.

But, my big problem is she won't communicate with me. All she does is say im selfish, im out for myself, im no better than than the other guys and im mannipulative? I do actually care about her and she refuses to see that. She says all this stuff and labels me all these things, but gives me absolutely no explaination why she feels that way. I try to sit down and talk to her nicely and tell her how I feel and she's completely closed lips. Or she's like figure it out. Well how can I figure it out, if I have no clue what is making her feel this way? Or something im doing or acting unintentially that is bothering her. So, ladies if your mad at a guy or unhappy about how things are going, why don't you speak about it? Im willing to hear whatever she has to say and be better and understanding. I can't change myself but I can change how I act. Cause really giving up is something I don't like doing and is always a last ditch option for me.
I feel most breakups occur with only one party knowing why the breakup is occurring and the other left clueless. And a lot of relationship drama occurs cause people refuse to talk about things.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I see your frustration. And honestly, if she doesn't want to be open and communicate right now, she won't. You have to respect her and give her that space. But from reading this, you deserve better. You seem to be the only one putting in any effort at this point and that's not fair to you. There are plenty of girls out there who would appreciate your generosity and willingness to make a relationship work. Don't settle. Good luck!

    • I don't get how a lot of woman I've dated have called me selfish. I really don't feel like I am. These same women go off and then date the most egocentric assholes that don't care about anybody but themselves and love them and then end up getting hurt. Yet I'm selfish? Don't get it. I agree about giving space. But communication is needed to make a relationship work. Secrecy and non communication leads to insecurity with both parties and it's just a matter of time before a relationship like that fails. She says it ll just prove I'm a selfish person if I leave.

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    • I understand what you're saying! No hard feelings at all. I just want you to know your worth and know you deserve better than someone constantly blaming you for being the one in the wrong. Just reevaluate yourself and what you're doing. If you know deep down that you aren't doing anything wrong, unfortunately you just keep ending up with ungrateful women. But good luck to you and I hope everything works out. 👍🏼

    • Trouble is evaluating yourself is only through your own perception. You can't step outside and observe reality as it is. I only have my perception of reality. Of course, I know I'm not intentionally doing anything to hurt others. But, what about unintentional actions that I'm not aware of that I'm doing or being like that has caused my relationships to fail? On the flipside, I may just be buying into what I've been told too much. And at the sametime, these same girls who say they would appreciate a guy like end up being with me then going all crazy. And before and after me only into guys that treated them poorly, I don't get it.

Most Helpful Guy

  • This woman is wasting your time. It's the same cycle over and over, but you keep going back to her, hoping things will be different. It ain't gonna happen. You're obviously into her way more than she's into you. Winners don't give up on finding the right person, but they're also smart enough to walk away from the wrong person.

    • Yeah but how do you know the difference between a failing relationship and just a temporary dissagreement/conflict? I agree with you but I'm not completely convinced to walk away yet.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Just tell her you want to talk about things, she can also be afraid of losing you, you do know this right? And sit her down and talk things out.

    • I told her I wouldn't leave her. I gave her my word as long as she did her part. And now she's not. I'm understanding , I've told her that. I'm even willing to forgive her if she cheated on me, but I wish she would just talk to me about what's going on. I rather know the truth then be lied to.

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    • I've tried both the diplomatic route and the demanding route. Thing is she is making me edge towards leaving her due to her failing to even make the smallest effort to talk to me about what's going on.

    • Then I guess do it.

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