I had 5 good dates with a guy. We were got on well though he became distant between dates. I freaked out and ended it, and used a flippant remark that "I wanted amazing" and knowing that he was not long out a long term relationship, he couldn't give me that At the time. I regretted it! 2 weeks later he got back in touch, I was SO happy. But then he never arranged another date. I then got back in touch with him and this time we met up. That date went great, and it was like we continued from before. In hindsight some comments from both of us seemed like this would lead somewhere now. We made plans that evening to meet the following weekend. later he freaked out and text saying he genuinely enjoys spending time with me but deep down knows he still can't give me what I want (It was pretty obvious we would be having sex that night so I think he was worried that if we met and had sex, I would instantly presume we were in a relationship). I responded saying I'm sorry the way I worded things wrongly before and it came across like I wanted an instant serious relationship, I dont etc I like him and I want to continue spending time with him with no pressure. I then said I wouldn't take no for an answer and basically forced him to meet! We had an amazing night, the first that I've felt so relaxed with no pressure on either of us and no serious chats at all. We did have sex and it was great. I made sure I left early the next day and didn't ask when I'd next see him So as to not place pressure. Since then I've had one text from him saying he had a fun night. he's not approached meeting again, its only been a few days though. I understand its my fault that he presumes I'm expecting a serious relationship and its gave him the commitment fear. Once a guy convinces himself of that, can his mind be changed? I'm aware I can't bring up anymore serious chats but am scared I've already ruined it, which is a shame as we got on so well! Im purposely backing off and not contacting him. Ta!
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I think the night to remember was the heat of the moment, but in the cold light of day he had time to process everything that happened before and is still freaked out.
If I was him, I'd be afraid to commit - not because of commitment, but because your head seems to all over the place. Opening his heart to that vulnerability a second time, only for you to have another freak out and hurt him again? I'd be trepidatious to say the least.1