Are hypocritical ''she has to be a virgin but I'm not one'' guys easily detected?

As a virgin myself, I only want a virgin boyfriend for my first time. It's very offensive how those types even think we deserve them. Why should I give it away to a type like that when other girls already had their chance? Hell nope..

But now I'm wondering if those are detected easily? Do they make it so obvious most of the times in their conversation on a date with a girl? I would hate to get one of them that lied his way through and waste moment of my valuable time with him.

Update: Just to add up something I forgot to mention. I'm not into waiting till marriage but I'm all for losing my virginity to a virgin boyfriend in a relationship. I'm really an atheist girl.


Most Helpful Guy

  • While you can't prove a man's virginity physically, there are certain things that make his story more or less evident. For all intents and purposes, you can break virgins down in to two categories, both of which can usually be identified with observation evidence rather than hard evidence.

    1) Virgins by choice
    A virgin by choice can be identified by the fact that they are very open about intentionally being a virgin. Often they seem attractive and popular enough that most people in our culture would have assumed they were sexually active. They will always have a explanation for WHY they have chosen to abstain from sex up to this point. Usually, they are saving their virginity for a life-long monogamous relationship, probably sealed with a marriage license. Some may only be waiting for some other serendipitous moment or feeling to give up their virginity without the expectation of life-long commitment, but often, I find men who make that claim actually fall into category 2.

    2) Virgins by circumstance
    Virgins by circumstance are occasionally honest about the reasons for their virginity, but sometimes try to mask it as their own choice. A virgin by circumstance is a virgin who wishes he could lose his virginity with just about anyone who meets his lowest criteria, but has not had the opportunity. These guys are either held back from their sexual desires by personal factors like health, attractiveness, or social skills, but are also sometimes held back by more external reasons such as oppressive parents, imprisonment, or a lifestyle that makes interacting with women who meet their minimum criteria sexual partners very uncommon.

    Guys who don't fall into either category should be met with some skepticism. A guy who has no good reason to be a virgin but claims he is, likely isn't. He should have a compelling explanation for why he either CHOSE or was MADE to remain abstinent. To say "Meh, I dunno. I'm popular with girls, but I was just kind of waiting for the *right time*" is a statement that reeks of "con-player" to me. Think twice before you accept the idea that a guy has somehow exercised self restraint his entire life, only to give up his virginity to you unceremoniously. Either he doesn't have self control, but doesn't need it because his circumstances have kept his virginity, or he does have self control and has been practicing it for a very intentional and explainable reason.

    • Yeah, I'm trying to find guy 1. It doesn't have to be a very religious guy thought (I'm not religious myself) but one that's waiting for a long-term relationship is good. Time will tell if we are then meant to be together and proceed on towards marriage.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • Personally I would prefer to date only someone who has never had a promiscuous period, and doesn't look like they very will. Less likelihood of STDs that way. Whether they are a Virgin or not is fairly irrelevant though, all that matters is that we have similar values. Aka, maybe she had been in a relationship and it didn't work out. That's okay.

    Anyways, I guess you need to be able to tell if they are liars. If u were female, I wouldn't want to date a guy who "only wants to date virgins" either.

    • There is no likelihood of STDs with a virgin.

    • @sobg71124 if your parents had HIV, then so do you. You could get all kinds of things that your parents got. You could get herpes from just making out.

  • I don't think that's hypocritical all the time, it depends on their reasons.
    But, besides that, they can be pretty easy to detect, but it's usually before doing it. If he's not nervous and seems pretty confident, he most likely isn't a virgin. If he's a virgin he will be nervous and commit some mistakes, unless he's a sociopath and is 100% comfortable lying.
    I'm sure you won't give your virginity pretty soon, so you'll have time to get to know him and spot if he's a liar or no.

    • What I find pathetic is those that already fooled around but all of the sudden for a girlfriend, oh she has to be nearly pure or she's considered damaged goods to them while not looking themselves in the mirror.

      Or the last question about a man in his mid 20's that isn't a virgin but wanted only a virgin for a wife and his reason being ''because it's a woman of high values''. Basically for them, only the woman has to have high values and dignity and not a man himself as well too.

    • Yeah, in that case it is hypocritical, and just avoid those type of guys cause hypocrites are the worst.

  • Well, men don't have a hymen so there is no physical proof. The best way to tell is that a man who is a virgin will not be very confident or about sex.

    • And yet some girls are born without a hymen or some don't even bleed (my older female cousin didn't according to her) so that's not always the proof.

    • Another example is I've taken many horseback riding lessons so long ago and I'm a very sportive girl. Who knows if I may have broken it already.

    • Actually, this is true. You can erode your hymen with vigorous activity that directly contacts your vulva. Also, if you have used tampons, this may have an impact as well.

      Personally, I don't get the whole obsession with virginity---particularly proving it. In Middle Eastern countries it is not unusual for a woman to be examined by a third party to determine if she is "in tact." They also have surgeries to recreate the hymen from surrounding tissue for women who have "lost their virtue."

      I think that purity of mind is far more important. In the Bible, for instance (Romans 2:29), Paul speaks of "circumcision of the heart," that it is more important who you really are inside than any outward show. I tend to think the same applies to a woman. If you are pure of heart, the disposition of 4 square centimeters of tissue in your lower regions is of little importance.

      I hope your first experience is wonderful and with someone you love.

  • I'm not sure.

    I guess your best bet would be guys who seem very sweet and innocent and are involved in some sort of a religious organization.

    But it's impossible to know for sure, and you just have to find someone you really trust is being honest with you.

    • Well I'm not exactly a religious girl waiting till marriage. I have no problems with having sex in a long-term relationship. Still, in that relationship, I want to lose it to a virgin boyfriend. A guy that's waiting for a relationship is all I'm looking for.

    • Okay. The reason I suggested religious folks is that they often have the ideal of waiting, so they're more likely to be virgins (I assume). But I can see how it might not be a good match.

      Anyway, good luck with your project.

  • One would think that you would know someone intimately enough to know if your mate was a virgin or not, before having intercourse with him.


What Girls Said 5

  • Just remember not everyone who has had sex did so with hook ups or one night stands. Some people were really in love with their bf/gf at a time and thought it would last forever. There's a significant difference in the two because one comes from a place of love and another for purely lust/personal gratification reasons.

    If you want to know what kind of a guy someone is then just ask them about their life. You'll quickly be able to detect if someone has been sleeping around. Just don't mention you're a virgin in advance and come across as being very liberal and open minded. They'd likely tell you then if they've engaged in casual sex before and ask them about their preferences. But please keep in mind what I just said. You could miss out on a great guy who just maybe have chosen to have sex with his long term girlfriend who he loved a lot.

  • Look at his general attitude toward women. Does he slut shame, talk down, have very specific views on gender and sex, are they double standards? Those can all be signs that he doesn't value women as individuals but rather as places for his super awesome and manly penis. -_-

    Also just holding out and seeing how willing he is to wait for you is a good strategy. Is he all about the sex or is he happy to wait a LONG time?

    I really don't know that there's any super specific die hard rule. You just have to do your best.

    • will keep that in mind... those are definite signs thanks

  • me too.
    yeah i find that so bullshit lol, UNLESS there are virgin girls who dont mind it, so i guess it works for some people.

    it's not obvious but it does come through eventually. they key is to take ur time and not say ANYTHING about your sexual activity before he reveals his.

  • There's not really a definitive way to tell whether a guy is a virgin or not. You just have to take his word for it and trust him.

  • Interesting. A female virgin hunter.

    And someone who clearly thinks she is worth more than others because of virginity. And yes, I'm a "virgin" too if you are wondering.

    I do understand you avoid non virgin guys who demand girl has to be virgin. But I mean, demanding virginity is stupid anyways, from everyone. Virgins and non-virgins. And you demand a guy has to be a virgin. But good luck with that relationship if you care most about whether he has had sex.

    • What's wrong with wanting the same in return?

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    • I know this is sarcasm in your part. It's about being compatible. If I'm going to be waiting for a relationship, I expect that in a guy too. It's my first time and it means a lot to me that I get to be his first girlfriend just as he'll be my first.

    • But what if he already waoted for a relationship and gad sex with her girlfriend after dating for a whilem. Then they broke up. So you would be compatible, you think the same way about sex and relationship, he just had a girlfriend before you and they had sex.