Monogamous daters, can you please advise?

I have always been a monogamous dater. I want to find one woman to share my time and explore the possibilities in a relationship and a second woman would simply distract me from the first, resulting in unfairness to all involved.

I was recently dating a lady for about two months and we broke up. l returned to Plenty of Fish and contacted a few interesting prospects. Within 3-4 days, I had 4 women who wanted to meet me. I have never had that kind of response before and I was surprised.

I had a first date with B. last Friday night and it was an excellent first date. We discovered some common history and we have many mutual friends and acquaintances, plus we have the same quirky sense of humor. We have a second date tomorrow night. I have a first date with M. tonight who broke up her last relationship about a year ago around the same time she was diagnosed with breast cancer. We have spent several hours on the telephone and the conversation has flowed very smoothly but I am a bit concerned that she is holding on to anger about previous relationships. I have a lunch date with F. next Wednesday; she descibes herself as a traditional Southerner, conservative, intellectual, and having interests similar to mine. I also had a response from L., a woman whose attitudes about what she wants from a relationship are consistent with mine. She is going out of town for two weeks but wants to meet when she returns.

Obviously, I want to pick the one with whom I am most compatible, and that requires getting to know each of them. I have two questions:

1. How many dates can I have with these women before I am in danger of being called a serial dater?

2. Shoud I tell each of these women that I am meeting other women for initial face-to-face meet and greets?

Thanks for your input.

  • One date each; DON'T tell any of them about the others
    Vote A
  • One date each; DO tell each of them about the others
    Vote B
  • Two dates each; DON'T tell any of them about the others
    Vote C
  • Two dates each; DO tell each of them about the others
    Vote D
  • Three dates each; DON'T tell any of them about the others
    Vote E
  • Three dates each; DO tell each of them about the others
    Vote F
  • No set number of dates; just stop when you feel that one is more special than the others
    Vote G
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy


Most Helpful Guy

  • - Don't tell unless they ask, but don't give any indication you're only seeing them. Assume they are also dating other men.

    - You don't need three dates with all four. My guess is at least half after one date you won't really be feeling it. You may find you do four first dates, two second, one third, and either its a go or you're back to looking for another 4-5 first dates.

    - My guess is by three dates, you know if you want to -try- being a couple. If you're on the fence, it's probably a no. But that's not a hard rule, just a rough timeline. Maybe you know in two, maybe you need a fourth, but if you're dating two for months trying to pick, you're not -really- dating them so you're not really learning more. To some extent you need to get into a relationship and see how things go, because it will be different. You just need to be willing to get OUT if its not working and return to the dating pool.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • If you're not exclusive with any of them (as in you haven't both decided to just date the other) then you're not obligated to disclose anything. It is, however, polite to mention that you're seeing other people casually.

  • Isn't it more logic that people initially don't date exclusively with just one person? I don't expect it and hopefully no one else I date expects that.

    • I don't expect an exclusivity promise on the first date. Generally, by the end of the third date, I know whether I want to date a woman exclusively and, hopefully, long-term; this timeline isn't intended to coincide with the "three date rule," because I don't follow that rule.

      However, I generally don't date any other women while we are in the first three date phase. It's not because of an expectation that it will become exclusive. I've dated two women at the same time previously and, for me, it was awkward and uncomfortable.

  • Go on a few dates with a bunch of women you find interest in, then pick the one you want!


What Guys Said 4

  • Date until you feel a connection. You're single you're both testing the waters. The women likely have multiple possibilities as well. Don't worry about the number of dates. And don't mention the others to your date.

  • You're not exclusive until she asks for exclusivity. Also you don't just tell a girl you're dating other women unless she specifically asks you about it.

  • When you are exclusive with one woman, she becomes your only source of intimacy and you lose power over your own life. I suggest dating all of them, and don't tell them about each other but subtlety imply that you have other options.
    Don't do it overtly as you will probably sound like a prick, but women read into things a lot, so dropping a subtle hint can go a long way.

  • I think you should just continue until you decide to get exclusive. It's a slippery slope, though, because you are leading the others on until then.

Loading... ;