We were intimate and now he seems a bit distant?

I like this guy, we've been dating for 7 months +. we went on a date on Tuesday leading into Wednesday things were got pretty heated at the end of the night (this has only happened 3 times) . He stopped kissing me and said he had to stop kissing me cos it was getting too heated. I didn't know what he meant by this, but he also said ' not here ' at one point. I assumed he was saying we couldn't go any further whilst in his car (I wouldn't have anyway) since we were outside my house and being respectful towards me since I'm a virgin. So we said our goodbyes and I went home.

It was my birthday on Wednesday, he said happy birthday to me at the end of the night. However I barely spoke to him throughout the day, until about 7pm when he texted to say he hopes I was having a good birthday. Yesterday I decided to text him to see how he was, but the conversation was really sort. I kinda sense he's a little distant and I'm not sure why. things seems okay on our date.

Why do you think this is?

Excuse my spelling errors!!!


Most Helpful Girl

  • do you want to have sex with him? you say you've been dating... that's a heck of a long time for him to not have sex for. how come your not together? when you've been dating, do you kiss/make out? how often do you see him?

    he's probably wanting to take things further at this point.

    • No I don't want to have sex at this point in time. I know it is a long time , however this doesn't mean he isn't getting sex elsewhere. I mean he's been so patient and respectful towards me, so you never know that could be why.

      Its been very up and down. We met in Oct And for the first few months he didn't really think I was into him. I'm shy and to be honest I didn't make much effort. When I realised he was becoming distant I rectified things and put in a lot of effort. Things changed a little, although I was only getting to see him about once a month.

      We stopped talking for a little while in March and out of nowhere we got back into contact and things took a 360 degree turn.

      I started seeing him once or twice a fortnight and in Feb/March we kissed for the first Time.
      He'd been trying to kiss me since December but I shyed away.

      So I see him once a week/fortnight. We've been making out for the last month and half. I wouldn't mind taking things further , but it needs to be official

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    • aww why do you have a bad feeling? have you spoke to him much since your date? at least the convo will set your mind clear either way. thank you, good luck

    • We spoke yesterday via text. It was just random chit chat. I decided to go onto the dating site we met on, I searched his name and to my surprise his profile had been deleted. I had refrained from looking at his page for so long and now it's gone.

      Its just cos there was no effort made for my birthday. I know we aren't official, but if I liked someone I would at least to do something small. So this leads me to think he might be putting in the effort elsewhere. Plus this phone thing, out of nowhere he gets a new phone which is normal. He uses them both though and when I ask why he has two he says he can't decide which number to keep. I mean I've done this before and kept the new number until the phone credit expires, however I'm not sure this applies to him. Honestly he seems like a genuine guy, I've never thought he was messing me around but I have to keep my guard up at all times.

      My mind is basically working over time lol.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • girl, it was your b'day and he just texted and didn't plan anything... hmmmm...7+ months and that's his attitude... you must confront him and ask why is he acting all weird...

    • Thank you for reminding me. I was actually really upset that he didn't make any effort. He forgot it was my birthday until Tuesday night (I know he's forgetful with birthdays like that), but still after he knew there was zero effort. I thought maybe I was overreacting since we aren't officially together, but if I really liked someone I'd try to make their day special at least. :(

What Girls Said 2

  • is he a virgin too? Maybe he is scared to take it further himself, worried he will hurt you or you will regret it.

    To me you have been together a long time now and if you are ready then you should go for it as long as you love him. that bit is important.

    Talk to him about it and maybe plan an evening for you to go out and do something nice and then end the evening in the natural way.

    • Nope he isn't a virgin. I'm not in love with him or even in a official relationship, so there's no way I'd be having sex with him at this time in my life. We have taken it really slow to see how it goes, its taken me a long time to be comfortable and let go. So this is why we haven't really been intimate until recently.

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    • Lol I'll bear that in mind, thank you. Do you think I should outright ask him what he meant by what he said? Do you think I should mention not going further until I'm in a relationship?

    • Open and honest is what you need realise that if he doesn't want to be then he is not the one for you. Talk it out x

  • Well, if you've been dating for seven months, you should feel comfortable with talking to him about stuff like this... I think you should be straight up with him, ask him in person if everything is ok. And if everything is ok, tell him you want to have sex and ask if he does as well! Good luck x

    • We usually communicate well. I'm yet to speak to him on the phone , so I'll bring it up when we do. We've been dating but it isn't official , so this is why its taking me long to be comfortable. I think if we were in a relationship I'd feel a lot better , its just that the last time I asked about us he said we were just seeing how things go. At the time (2 months ago) he said he liked my style, but thought I was still very delicate but since then we've seen each other much more and I've opened up more. I just feel like he should know if he wants to be with me by now cos I know I want to be with him.