I'm in kind of in a crush crunch?

I have been with my boyfriend for four years. We barely speak. I have left multiple times because we have zero communication and emotionally, he isn't with me. Every time I leave, he finds a way to manipulate and guilt trip me until I come back to him. I get treated like dirt more so than I don't. He's cheated. Screwed me over. And left me for other women. And needless to say, for the past 4 months we have not been speaking at all. We live in the same house. I go to work from either 2:30am till 11:30am or 5am till 2pm everyday. When I get home, he leaves.
Well recently I got a new job and started a week ago. Since then I have been with a guy who has the exact same schedule as me and for some reason, I find myself drawn to him. He's attractive with a gorgeous smile and he's such a goof. He asks me about my life and actually listens to what I have to say. Needless to say I am crushing on this guy hardcore.
I am afraid to leave my current boyfriend because I know how the patterns are and I know he will try to find a way to weasel his way back into my life. But him and I have been emotionally and physically done for quite some time. I am on here with this question for some general advice. I don't know what to do at all. My current boyfriend is my 2nd relationship ever but this new guy seems to be like a new beginning.. I know he is interested in me. He makes it beyond obvious and has already asked me to hang out with him like 3 times now.
What should I do? Please give me advice. My mind and thought process is so f*cked up right now.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well I would start looking for a new place to live, for starters, and get away from this boyfriend of yours regardless. Let me put it this way: the person you are with should inspire you to be a better person, someone who pushes you to grow, and he grows in turn. It does not sound like this is the case. In fact, it sounds like he is smothering you. Get out of it. Refuse to talk to him. You speak like he has this power over you, but he only has it if you let him. Cut him off. Don't give him the chance to talk you out of it.

    Value yourself. You deserve to be head over heels in love and cherished. Clearly that's not what you're getting, and based on previous patterns, you recognize this is not going to happen with this guy.

    Get out. Value you. Leave him. And if you struggle, don't beat yourself up. Just find support from friends and loved ones and find courage to do so. You can do it. You are strong.

    As for this other guy, I wouldn't start anything until after the relationship has come to completion. For your own integrity and self value, if nothing else. Also not exactly fair to put the guy you like in that position. Try to keep the mentality of leaving your boyfriend for this guy out of it: you are leaving for yourself.

    Most of all, be gentle to yourself. You're clearly going through a rough time, but you know what you need to do, and you can :)


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  • So, you're already aware that your boyfriend is toxic and will try to manipulate you. Remind yourself that you don't want to be controlled by someone else. Right now, focus on you and what you need. Ask yourself, if this new crush wasn't here, would you still leave your boyfriend?