Why do some men discount women who sleep around and why is sleeping around so bad in the first place?

Pregnancy? Unprotected vaginal sex has a 5.8 to 30.0 percent chance of yielding pregnancy. Proper use of condoms reduce the risk of pregnancy to 0.116 to 0.600 percent per round of vaginal intercourse. Proper use of the birth control pill reduces the risk to 0.0058 to 0.0300 percent. Proper use of condoms AND the pill reduce the risk to 0.000116 to 0.000600 percent. With that combination (birth control and pill), if you have sex 100,000 times, the risk of pregnancy ocurring in ANY of those times is 30.0927372974 percent. 100,000 times is having sex every day for almost 274 years!!! And STILL the risk in any of those times pregnancy ocurring is well below 50 percent. The average American has a higher chance of dying in an ALCOHOL-RELATED CAR ACCIDENT in their whole LIFE.

STD's? Again, condoms and get tested with the appropriate frequency. Get tested every 6 months for STD's. That should be plenty.

Now let's get to the "moral" aspect of it. Is there anything wrong with women having desired casual sex at some points in her lifetime? As long as she's not cheating and remaining integrous about it, what's the problem with her choosing to have casual sex at times, as long as she's willing to remain faithful when in monogamous relationships? Even if she has a history of cheating, would it be fair to deny her the chance to ever find love again? Provided that she explained to me the various things she did to repair herself and cure her cheating tendency (i. e. counseling, etc) or that she did it once and learned from her mistakes, I'd personally give her a chance.

Why does it matter how many sexual partners a woman has had? Especially if there's no history of infidelity? I am just trying to understand why for many men it's a deal-breaker if a woman has had many sexual partners, since many don't mention any or give really vague or assumption-fueled ones.

And the whole thing about pregnancy makes the whole, "Teens shouldn't have sex because it yields pregnancy," argument invalid, if proper protection is used, as confirmed by Netherlands that saw a significant decrease in teen pregnancies when parents allowed teens to have sex in their homes. Planned Parenthood also agrees.


Most Helpful Girl

  • i agree 100% and people judge so harshly


Most Helpful Guy

  • Its not the sex its what the sex represents. If a woman is sleeping around then it implies that she wants physical pleasure rather then emotional connection. If this is the case then it also implies impulsiveness and an inability/of lack of desire to think of the consequences. Basicly I am hitting 30 so a woman wants a relationship with me. But she slept around a lot when she was younger, this makes me wonder why she suddenly wants to settle down. Is it because she is truly in love with me, or is it simply because she is getting older and no longer able to sleep around, is it because she wants to spend her life with me or is it because she has a quickly decreesing time scale with which to have children. If she cares about me and loves me and wants to be with me great, but if its the other way around then she is only using me. Thats not particularly fair to me especially since I would be the one providing for her caring for her and her children. It also makes one wonder if she only stoped prioritsing sex because men where chasing women younger then her, then what will stop her from cheating/leaving me for someone else he will provide her with the sex and attention she really wants. That would then leave me with a whole lot of debt, especially since divorce favors women, and emotional trauma because I had just been used, that I loved someone who claimed to love me but really didn't. Now that is not to say I expect a woman to be a virgin, that is just stupid I am not and it wouldn't be fair for me to demand that of her. However I do require that she actually had feelings for the people she slept with because again if she never really cared about the emotional connections with others then she really isn't going to care about them with me. This should hold true for men as well, though it seems to be less of a big deal for women, I believe because traditionaly men had a lot more invested (money, house, taking care of kids financially for at least 18 years, etc.). So the impact to them was extreme especially now that the laws are designed to extract as much money from men as possible.(80% if alimony and child support are paid by men despite the fact that 80% of all divorces are filed by women, the most cited reason being "no fault" or ireconcillable diffrences.) As long as men and women are diffrent, and we are held to diffrent standards this issue will continue to exist.

    • But see that's an assumption. Perhaps before, she was only looking for physical pleasure and now she wants an emotional connetion. It is not uncommon for people at all to have both stretches of sex in a relationship and casual sex. Meaning, we're capable of both. How does her sleeping around earlier make her incapable of feeling an emotional connection? Sure she may not care about them with you with respect to sex, but that doesn't mean she can't overall feel a romantic connection now.

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    • Well the diffrence here is height isn't a choice, promiscuity is. And again its not the action but what that action signifies that make it unfavorable to others. Plus again, when your in a relationship and the majority of it rests on you as a man, your going to want to know the woman your investing in is of a certain quality, that she is reliable. I don't think the majority of people actually have a problem with women being promiscuis, but when the time comes to settle down they simple want to choose a more "reliable" woman. Honestly, I think women are more prone to judging men who don't want to be with them becaues of there life choices. They acted a certain way and then found out that it did not make then valuable in the eyes of prospective husbands/fathers and are upset that they now have to live with the ramifications of there actions. Its unfair to try and demonise these men because they don't want that kind of woman to be their wife or the mother of there children.

    • And again, you wouldn't want someone who is a drug addict to be your friend, even if it is only effecting them at the time it tends to bleed over into your life. It also is an issue because they will prioritise there habit over all else. We often forget that sex functions the same way, it triggers pleasure centers in the brain and it can lead to addictive like behavior. Plus if your doing this it shows that maybe you have emotional issues so again while I do believe it is wrong to judge them, I think it is wrong for us to sit here and demand that every one except them. There life there choice, my life, my choice.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • I personally don't care how many men women want to sleep with, it's not for me but I don't have a moral issue with it.

    As far as teenagers having sex goes, I don't agree with them having sex until they are adults. Because of the risk of pregnancy and raising a child is an adult issue, teenagers shouldn't risk altering the next 18 years of their life because they wanted to fuck as a teenager. The methods of birth control are condoms, which can break or birth control which actually messes up a lot of women/girls and why you would want to put a teenage girl on birth control at that age for issues other then helping with her period is just not healthy or right to me. Even plan B messes with women's systems/periods as well.

    I don't think we should shelter teenagers from sex but I don't think it should encouraged because they don't make the best decisions when it comes to their life and sex at that age and one mistake at that age could completely change their life.

    They should have sex when they're old enough to accept the consequences of it, which could be the possibility of stds and getting pregnant. You know good and well as a teenager if you get pregnant or get a girl pregnant that your parents are going to have to raise that child and support it financially. And as far as having sex in your parents house, no fucking way, when you're old and mature enough to get your own place, fuck in it, take care of your own child and pay for your own medical needs when it comes to stds, then you should have sex lol

    • I'm not really looking down on other parents with the " not in my house" thing, but personally, I'd allow it if I had children.

    • *or my parents for that matter

      I understand that many are uncomfortable with the idea (such as yourself).

    • I just don't think it's very smart, I mean to let your children make a decision like that, that could change so much about their lives, isn't very responsible to me, to me that's not putting their well being first. Also for women sex can be different and for guys as well, it can be very emotional and when you're a teenager you have a lot of emotions going on and to me encouraging sex when you know a teenager's emotional state hasn't matured yet is just not right. Sex is hard enough for some adults as it is lol

      Also I love your post above the teenage sex update, I think you're right and very open minded which is awesome.

  • no man wants a slut to be his girl.

    • I do. Or at least, I wouldn't care if a girl had ∞ sexual partners.

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    • I think it's interesting that men agree with you but women don't. Curious to know the reason behind why the women don't agree. I know why the men agree, because its true!

    • well... if you had slept around, you wouldn't agree either.

What Guys Said 15

  • Sex is more powerful than most people think
    Western Society has begun to portray sex as something casual

    Sex should be taken seriously, and it should only be with individuals you trust
    Men and women shouldn't be having "casual sex" it objectifies sex, and the people involved

    Once you disconnect your consciousness from sex, you are able to have many partners. You have sex because of the urge not to share love with someone else

    Also i believe having many partners, changes people view of the opposite gender, you begin using people for sex rather than companionship

    I wouldn't have an intimate relationship with a women that has slept with many men
    Especially at my age, it speaks about their character and standard for themselves

    • This is excellent reasoning!! 👍👍

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    • i didn't even notice you were (under 18)
      Listen bro its ok you are still young, your time will come dont worry

      Once you have sex in and out of a relationship, maybe then you will better understand my beliefs :)

    • I just think the basis for judging them negatively is incorrect. Some people just enjoy sex without emotional significance. It doesn't necessarily mean that they lack self-respect. I don't think that's a good or a bad thing. Sure, while dating, they will have much better luck with people that view sex the same way, but I just don't fathom the negativity towards promiscuity. I think it's a matter of preference. I like cheese pizza. I don't like cheese pizza. I want to date someone who does x. I don't want to date someone who does x.

  • Because it takes little effort for a woman to sleep around. The lowering of standards as well as the willingness to open her legs is enough. In the end women have the say of who to have sex with and who not.

    Guys on the other hand need to compete against each other in order to be chosen as the high quality male. So a guy who can get laid regulary by different girls must do something right in order to outcompete his fellow men.

    Simple evolutionary biology. Women need to find the highest quality male due to the high risk and demand of ressources which sex has. Men compete with each other and need to prove they are of the highest quality. -> This double-standard

    Needless to say that a slut openly admits she lowers her standards by the means of her behaviour, which implies a lack of self-respect. Not to mention statistically promiscuous women are way more mentally and emotionally instable.

    And no matter how developed we are - our brain and its mechanisms haven't changed for thousands of years. We are still to an extent cavemen. Sometimes those double-standards benefit men, sometimes they benefit women. Life is unfair. Tough sh*t. Deal with it.

  • Sleeping around is bad because it devalues sexual connection and also has a potential of spreading and contracting STDs. I say that about both men and women, no double standards from me. If you're promiscuous like that, you're putting yourself and others at unnecessary risk.

  • That's just the way it has always been and I don't agree of course

  • I think it's just an inherent nature thing. Males typically don't want the possibility of their offspring being contested with another male and don't want to worry about the possibility of raising another male's offspring without their knowledge. Whether it's a fair assessment or not, a man is going to have a harder time believing his partner will stay faithful if she's been very liberal with her body to other men.

  • Because what man wants the whore of Babylon to be their girlfriend?

    Sleeping around is an unhealthy practice that makes it harder for all people to have healthy sexual relationships with their partners.

    Here's a good article on why you shouldn't sleep around

  • It's the way Society functions, if i knew a girl had a lot of partners, i wouldn't even look at her.

    • lol you blindly follow society

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    • @Asker Well if a woman is opening her legs to different men then she doesn't deserve me. It's much easier to have sex for women than men and those who use their sex as an advantage deserve to be called sluts.

    • Actually, theoretically, if men and women were equally willing to spread their legs, it would be of equal difficulty for each gender.

      Women restraining sex is what perpetuates the increased difficulty for men to get laid than women.

  • Pregnancies are the easiest to avoid. STDs are a bigger problem: usatoday30.usatoday.com/.../2008-03-11-std_n.htm

  • I don't judge a girl's sexual history

  • Although not religious in any way, I view sex differently than promiscuous girls. I don't want them and I'm sure they don't want me.
    It's that simple for me.

  • Because girls can get laid much more easily.

    It's also some sort of evolutionary thing. If a woman sleeps around and gets pregnant, she wouldn't be able to properly care for the children if she were to continue sleeping around.

  • A key that opens many locks is a master key, a lock that gets opened by many locks is a shitty lock.

    • But see, why are we thinking of this as "locks" and "keys"? Why not equal persons? Why not instead "apples" and "oranges" that mate with each other based on their preferences?

    • Because that's not the way the world works buttercup, this isn't LaLa Land

    • Actually, in many areas of Europe that's how it's becoming.

  • As the other Anonymous pointed out, promiscuous women are vastly more likely to divorce their husbands. Even having just more than one lifetime partner makes that chance shoot up.

    • Netherlands and many other European countries have lower divorce rates and promiscuity is even more prevalent there than the United States.

    • They have a different culture than the US.

    • So then "culture" is correlating factor, not promiscuity. The United States has a culture in which promiscuity somehow yields a higher risk of divorce whereas in European countries, in their culture, it doesn't.

  • Actions define a person. That's the way it is.

    Go out and do what you want. Just don't come running back crying.

  • Research has shown that people with more sexual partners are vastly, overwhelmingly more likely to divorce--and divorce is very expensive, especially for dudes. A promiscuous girl will kill your finances.

    • Netherlands and many other European countries have lower divorce rates and sleeping around is even more prevalent there than the United States.

    • EU countries also have less marriage since no one bothers about it now, those who get married really want to.

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