Guys: Why stand me up like this?

I met a guy online and we have been casually dating for 1 month. He was very good about planning the dates, showing up on time, paying for the dinner/drinks. A few days ago, he texted me that he is moving to another city for work, far from my city. When he texted me this, I replied that it's ok if we don't see each other anymore but he said that he still wanted to see me again and it would be a shame not to keep in touch. THat weekend we planned a dinner and he made the reservation. But at the time of the reservation and he was nowhere to be found. At that exact time, he texted me that he couldn't make it because he was too drunk. He had met up with friends and gone to a street festival and gotten too drunk and he was sorry that he had to cancel. I texted him that I was disappointed and basically told him goodbye. He called me early the next morning and left a voicemail on my phone apologizing.

What made him do this? Did he stop caring since he was moving? I was really surprised at his flaking out because I didn't think he had it in him to act that way. It hurt :(


Most Helpful Guy

  • It really depends on the type of guy he is and the influence his friends have on him.

    He may have had all the intentions to make it to dinner but let's be honest, he is closer to his friends than to someone he's known for a month. If they pressured or coaxed him a bit, he likely wasn't able to turn them down knowing he won't get that many more chances to hang out with them like this. There's likely a strong bond there. He probably does care for you, but deep down knows it will be hard to maintain a relationship if he's out of town. So when the drinks started flowing and he was having a good time with his friends, and a decision had to be made, he likely picked that bond over something that is less likely to succeed. Plus, the alcohol didn't help the decision process at that point either. (aka impaired judgement)

    Best advice I would say is put yourself in his shoes. You're the one moving away. Your friends invite you out ahead of your date. You start drinking and after a few, you look at the time and you see you're now running late. You tell your friends you need to stop and head out. Your best friend comes up to you and says "Do you really have to leave? You just met this guy. I've known you at lot longer and I'm going to miss you when you move away. Can't you stay and hang out with us longer? You can always make a date another time". What do you do?

    Some might say they would never put themselves in that situation ahead of a date, while others would try real hard not to end up missing the date but circumstances got the better of him in this case.

    While he is a jerk for standing you up and not notifying you sooner that he wouldn't be able to make it, I still think you should give him the benefit of the doubt and let him explain what led him to miss your date. It's not easy tying up loose ends and trying to see everyone one last time before you move. If his explanation is reasonable, then let him make it up to you. If his explanation is stupid, then you know not to bother continuing to talk to him.

    • Wow, thanks for the well written response. He called me early the the next day to apologize by leaving me a voicemail. I responded to him via text saying I appreciated the apology and now silence. I guess I'll just leave it at that

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • So sorry that sucks to have been there at the restaurant alone. I probably would have gone ahead eating without him but I know that can feel like crap.

    He's moving, maybe he liked you but life is going in a different direction. Either way this isn't a guy you would want a serious relationship with. His getting drunk and standing you up like that is probably a sign of a bigger character flaw and was certainly selfish.

    Learn from it and move on, get back out there ASAP. You've got no where to go but up from him so the sooner the better. Best

  • It sounded like he didn't take your break it off and instead wanted to get back at you in a way. That excuse was lame. Delete his contact and voicemail

    • I already did :(

    • I'm sorry. Get a new look. Dye your hair or evolve your style. He'll definitely turn back around