Is he "self-reflecting" or too afraid to tell me to move on? Help?

Hey all! I have a question. I have been friends with this guy for a little more than a year.. and we seriously started talking in March. Last week, he calls saying one of his female friends cursed him out for not showing up to an event he promised to come too. He was spending fathers day with his grandpa and didn't say straight up he didn't want to go from the start. So, he tells me that he is a flawed individual, he is selfish, and doesn't want to disappoint me in the future by making plans he can't keep. I thought everything was good up to that point... we shared personal information.. spoke about marriage.. kids.. where our careers might lead us. I am in my early 20s and he is in his late 20s (6 years apart). In our last conversation, he said that he needed time to self reflect and fix his flaws.. and spend time with god.. sounded like he was going to stop speaking to people.. I'm wondering if this is normal for a guy to do while he is growing? At first I was ok with it.. but it has been a week.. He said i can text him.. he doesn't reply.. I email him from time to time encouraging words. Like a day before this started I sent him a pair of headphones I got using store credit as an just for nothing gift. At the time when i was getting it, he said thank you and it was very thoughtful. The day he received it was during the time he withdrew from me. He didn't say thanks afterward.. during this "reflection time." When we'd talk every day he said I have a beautiful soul, and I make him happy. But now he is like he doesn't want me to end up hating him. Is that a reason to stop talking to me for an indefinite amount of time? As of now, We only live like 45 min away from each other... Why not at least talk about this in person? Give him his space or move on? we can talk about everything from politics, literature, to race relations in the news. He is a sweet guy. We even put up boundaries in our pre-courting phase... now I don't know if he is really self reflecting or ditching me..
@olderandwiser Great idea... but he isn't returning my messages.. I told him before that we are all sinners with flaws and noone is perfect. But it looks like he wants to just keep his distance...


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What Guys Said 1

  • Why don't you invite him to attend church with you? That is a non-threatening activity, it conforms to his idea of spending time in spiritual reflection, and you can reinforce the idea that since God forgives sinners, we should accept each as the flawed individuals that we are. . . and ask him to help you with your flaws.

    • Then he is using all of this as a ruse to avoid seeing you. Perhaps the female friend who he disappointed is more than just a friend, or perhaps there is someone else. Ultimately, it does not matter what the reason is, although human nature compels us to demand an explanation. If he does not want to be with you, it is time to move on, but first pause and reflect on this experience. Are there any lessons to learn? Anything that you should do differently in the future. No relationship is a failure if you use it to help you become a better person.

What Girls Said 1

  • He's ditching you.


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