So I am 28, I live in the bay area (silicon valley) I am having a hard time finding people to date and friends?

So like i said i live in the bay area have been here for roughly 3.5 years at one point i did have a group of people i liked to hang out with but they all kind of disbanded and i lost contact with most of them. Also having a hard time getting dates and the few i have gotten where either ackward or they would cancle on the second date for one reason or another to which i would never hear from them again. Tried all the online sites free and paid, tried Meetup. com but just not really getting anywhere, the only people i feel any kind of friendship with is the people i work with in my department, my roomate, and my brother who also lives here as well. The girls here just are not looking for the same things girls from texas are, that and i haven't really dated anyone since high school so i am still learning how to date as an adult. Most girls just seem to lose interest, and i find it hard connecting with people as a friend. (I will admit this isn't really a new occsuance i have had similar issues in the past) Maybe i am just a difficult person to like or get to know, I don't know. Everyone around here is either really into being active and healthy, or really into partying, drinking, and going out all the time. I just don't care for those things much, sure a small group of people and the occasional drink is fine, but i like simpler things, like going to the movies, relaxing at home after working all week, listening to music, going to museumes, hanging at the beach, chilling and having a coffee. I think i am just not compatible with the life style of this area, before i came to the bay area i was under the impression i would meet a bunch of cool, smart, and laid back people but that has not been my experience. Thoughts? Advice? Words of wisdom?


Most Helpful Guy

  • "the only people i feel any kind of friendship with is the people i work with in my department, my roomate, and my brother who also lives here as well."

    I'd focus energy on the few people you have around you. It sounds to me like the way for you to get to know people is through organic means and overtime.

    Most people don't click the first time (friendships or relationships) but rather over time. Keep trying to network through the means of your friends now and eventually you're social circle will grow. Be proactive about trying new things you think you will enjoy and eventually you'll bump into people of the same interest. If not? you had fun doing something you like.

    for me? I love being active, i play tennis and do crossfit and in doing so... i've developed a friendship with many with my same interest. I now go out and do other things outside the gym with them. So this worked for me.

    • I agree with this, i don't have that natural ability to just connect to people i am a very introverted person and really only get along with like minded people who i share a common interest with, i took a personality quiz i and a INTJ personality type which apparently makes up like 2% of the population my personality type is rare lol.

    • One of my best friends is introverted however he's become much more social and able to connect with people in less time then he used to.

      I am an extrovert, i thrive in social situations, am comfortable sharing and being open with new people. Being friends with an introvert i think the best thing that helped him was befriending me as i was able to introduce him to a lot of social opportunity (sometimes i'd have to drag him out). He's a nerd and into board games, i love board games!

      Naturally.. yes you're not as quick to share or talk to new people as you are a cautious person but that's a good thing. Extroverts can also be attention whores, full of shit and obnoxious! Don't ever think being introvert as a negative thing.

      - But i think what's important as far as meeting new people is to try to look for positives in people, you can always find something good or nice to say to someone. If you are at least known as a genuine, soft spoken, loyal and positive person will yield friendship

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  • Your not the only one, I am new to the bay area and have been here for a year and have not met anyone friend girlfriend or otherwise... Still looking to try and meet people. Am very seriously considering moving to Santa Cruz. I am in the Mountian View Sunnyvale area. Feel free to get a hold of me if your interested. Good luck to you.

  • Just tell people how much you make.

    • That would be helpful if i made a lot but i make just over poverty here lol

    • ... That's your problem.

  • Go to hipster places.

    • I dont think hipsters are really that laid back they are usually pompous and i don't really think of myself as one.

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