What the hell am I doing wrong?

OK so there were these 2 girls that I showed interest in. These instance are about a month apart but had similar situations. The 1st girl I talked to her a lot. we IM, we worked together so we talked a lot at work and even got in trouble for not doing our work, made her laugh a lot, then when I asked her if she would like to go out and have a good time, she stopped talking to me. The 2nd girl I made her laugh a lot, we txt, IM, actually go out to hang out with each other, and I'm actually good friends with her best friend, but when I told her that I'm getting feelings for her and asked if her if she would like to try and date me, she said no. So I have no idea what the hell I'm doing wrong? I was very respectful and chivalrous to both of them. All you girls said you like a guy with character and sense of humor but none of those girls are interested in me. does the whole good guys finish last apply here?


Most Helpful Guy

  • (IMO) you are approaching too soon to appear clingy / obsessive

    Example: You know this girl for two weeks, and ASK her to date you.

    I recommend trying the following:

    Step #:

    1) Find a girl that is interesting

    2) Start casual conversations that are sincere (don't interrogate her, or void her personal space)

    3) Give her your contact information and a reason to call (Here's my number, call me and we'll meet up for that movie)

    4) Wait for her to call, still be YOURSELF. Don't stop talking to her or acting wierd, keep your composure

    5) Whether or not she calls, do what you said you were going to do (go to the movie)

    6) Follow up

    - If she showed up; mention how much fun it was, and how there is another thing to enjoy (nearby concert, a good restaurant etc)

    - If she didn't follow up, find something to talk about with her, don't ask her why she didn't show. That's her business because you two aren't dating. Plus - she's misisng out on dating you ;-)

    7) Make your own decision

    - Do you want to date her? Yes or No. There is no inbetween

    8) Act on it. A good rule of thumb is to wait 2-4 weeks before dating.

    9) BE WHO YOU ARE, don't hide sh*t or beat around the bush - if you don't like her and she is clingy, politely let her at ease by saying you are not interested but you have enjoyed ___ about being around her. If she continues to pursue you - clearly say "i am not interested in dating you, but I'm flattered, thank you"

    Be yourself man, we can't tell when you try to hide things ;-)

    Any other questions - message me or ask other members here =)

    Best regards and good luck,


    • Yea but I knew these girls a lot longer than 2 weeks. I actually knew these girls for over a year its just I decided to try and pursue them recentley.

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    • Uhhhh lol. I definaley think she would think I'm a creeper for asking that and besides its f***ing 10 degrees where I live so that's surely out of the question.

    • Which is why it's surely in the question ;-)

      Because it's so different, people would be like "What your crazy!!?" and due to how you set the mood (friendly, approachable, confident etc) - they will then desire to join as well.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • No not necessarily. I go for good guys. =] With the first girl, is there any factors that may have made you guys loose communication. Like was the whole thing during the summer and maybe school started, or did your schedules interfere or conflict with each other's?

    With both of them, what are their personalities like?

    Shy, outgoing, you know stuff like that. I am so rambling, but that's stuff you could think about when you analyze the situation.

    • With the 1st girl she shortly found a boyfriend after I asked her out so I she was probably falling for him at the time. But I'm not going to sit here and think for excuses on why she didn't want to date me. They are both outgoing, funny, happy and the 1st girl had a lot of sass

  • "I asked her if she would like to try and date me"


    if I heard a guy say that to me, my respect for him would sink to zero and I would be completely turned-off. oh yeah, and there's no way in hell I would ever date him.

    i'm not a philanthropist. it's not my business to date people I feel sorry for. if I choose to date someone, it's because I want to date them. why do I want to date a guy?

    the brutal cold honest truth:

    1. his personality and the way he makes me feel

    2. the way he looks and how sexy he is

    3. great sex and sweet romantic things he does (see #1)

    4. his money (don't cry about it or call us names, just deal with it)

    if a guy is just "nice", that's great for him. I'm really happy for him, I know he won't hurt me and there's nothing I have to be afraid of. I might have use for him as a friend, because he'll either do things to me or get me stuff if he finds me attractive and wants to just have sex with me or hopes that in doing those things I'll eventually like him. but that's not a guy I'd ever date; EVER! I'd feel like I'm dating him out of pity or because I feel sorry for him, and that's just a turn-off. I'd feel like a loser for settling for that kind of guy.

    when a guy first sees a girl, he thinks omg she's cute/hot I have to go talk to her. he wants her, so sex is the #1 priority on his mind, and MAYBE he's interested in her personality too. money is never or rarely a factor for guys.

    when a girl first meets a guy, the first thing on her mind is "he has potential/he's a promising prospect". the difference is huge. the #1 priority on her mind is discovering his personality and the type of guy he is. the way he looks and sex come second, and how $ucce$$ful he is definitely adds to both his sexiness, looks, confidence and personality.

    looks is something you can judge instantly off the bat. personality is something that takes time and a lot of testing to really get a good feel of.

    imagine all girls wore burkas. you knew the kind of girl you found sexually attractive. but the problem is you couldn't tell right off the bat if the girl that was hitting on you or you were dating had those qualities. what would you do? you would take it slow and start testing her. maybe finding an excuse to playfully poke her (with the real intention of feeling her body tone to see if she's chubby or fit), and so on and so forth. in fact, you'd get very good at finding ways to gauge for what's under that burka to see if it's what you're looking for.

    one of the things girls test for is confidence and self-esteem; two qualities that are almost impossible to fake. in your case (as with 99.99999% of all guys), those girls didn't even need to test you; you delivered that information on a silver platter. you basically communicated that you're insecure, emotionally or sexually needy, and desperately seeking their attention & approval, practically begging them to date you.

    needless to say, very unattractive

    • See, your basing your answer off what you want. I know I've couldve done better with getting her attention and mentioning the relationship part. let me tell you some tihngs, 1) not all guys think oof sex when they see a cute girl. 2) looks don't always matter. 3) What ever girl includes money and great sex on her list to date a guy, I will just turn around hold up my 2 fingers and say peace cause money does not buy happiness and sex is great, but also tears peoples lives apart.

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    • /hate myself for ever doing that too her and our relationship. even without the sex I still loved that girl to death. But after a while she got tired of it and she just broke up with me and then only did my eyes open up to see what I was doing. And the money thing comes into play is because she broke up with me 3 months ago, I've been able to save my paychecks since and I just don't care about it. It kills me inside to think if I knew what I do now back in my relationship that I would probably

    • Still be with her. That is why I'm so focused on a girl doesn't commit to me that has to do with my sex is because I know how much I hurt my ex and I think it was bullsh*t what I put her thru. And besides I especially don't want a relatonshi[p based on sex since I have seen other relationships go down the drain because they were

What Guys Said 2

  • I don't believe in the whole good guys finish last thing, since I consider myself an alright guy... It s true that making girls laugh and having character is an attractive thing.There's a couple of ideas which could be possible. Maybe they are just not attracted to you, or they are already attracted to someone else (even if they are single). Maybe you got into the 'friend zone' and they only ever thought of you as a friend, if this happens usually to prevent it you have to flirt abit from the start... tell them they're pretty and you think they're nice, even something this small suggests that you are interested. I'm not sure if you're just looking into this abit early... this is just two girls, keep at it... a girl will like you for you. I advise not to change, because if you do someone you may end up with would like you for something you're not and it just wouldn't work.

    • A month between each girl is too soon if they know each other also... Then the second girl will easily consider you as desperate, coming onto her like she's just "Plan B". :p

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    • She could... if she said she doesn't want to date right now, give her some space... ask her out again sometime later. If she still isn't ready then it might be time to move on. But its always worth the experience...

    • Alright ill give it a try. I've chaased a girl for just under a year once and eventuallly got her so I guess I don't have a reason to not try the chase

  • If a girl already considers you a friend it's Game Over in most cases...

    Getting a girl is not about convincing her over time that you're worth her affection.

    1 Make a good first impression.

    2 Make it last.

    • 3 Don't change her mind; change her mood.

    • " it's Game Over in most cases"

      - Actually, I've dated three of my best friends and also dated 2 of my close friends. So therefor, your theory is incorrect

    • "So therefor, your theory is incorrect" Every rule has it's exeptions. You just lucked out in my opinion. :)

      @MaxPrime: Indeed. If you make her feel good about herself without having to resort to "bribery", like gifts and being overly polite. Then you'll become someone she enjoys being around. Most friends go the bribery route, Or they just think being a best friend helps. In most cases she'll just think of you like a brother, so it backfires. :<