Girls, she had a crush on me when I told her I wanted to be friends; now she knows I like her but is uncomfortable around me and sometimes avoids me?

I've known her a year -- we were always friends but I think she always had a crush at a distance. 2 months ago we started hanging out a lot more -- always in a group setting.

Recently she was dumped twice in a row and very depressed -- even skipping work one day. I realized I liked her but felt she needed a friend more than anything. I told her in a chat I was "glad to be her friend."

We got close as friends, but it was obviously more for her. She flirted with me (sometimes a lot), touching me a bit, sharing a lot of personal info, chatting and texting me absolutely constantly. Her mom (her closest confidante) refers to me as "the hunk" through their texting with each other.

After 10 days of flirting with each other (but never kissing), we had a night out with friends and both got very drunk. I flirted with her more than usual. At one point she said "let's go outside for a cigarette." We did. I have enough experience to know that's when I should have kissed her and taken charge, but I didn't. I was still in a weird place having made that earlier decision to be "friends." Actually I sort of ignored her and talked to this random guy instead, and I think she felt left out.

We went back inside. She sat down next to me and said "you're like my best friend. can we just be friends? is that ok?" I said "of course it's ok." I left almost immediately and we parted ways.

30 min later, still very drunk, I texted her. I wrote my feelings were "very hurt" because I thought she like-liked me, and I said I like-liked her. Then a wrote a later message saying sorry, I was really drunk. She wrote back saying "sorry, I didn't know" and that she was also very drunk.

Now she's uncomfortable around me, avoids 1-on-1 situations, and has flirted openly with a new guy in front of me a few times.

She has always felt impressed by me and I think she's overwhelmed. But I don't know for sure, or what to do. Please help!


Most Helpful Girl

  • Woow... ok. Firstly, girls only like you for a set time before they think fuck it and move on. Rule number one, there will always be a man interested in a woman, so, if you don't chase her, he will. Secondly, major mixed signals here. What you've done is flirted, then treated her coldly, then, she, as a defense mechanism, probably embarrassed, has suggested being friends, then you've been like "oh, that's totes cool" and she was probably hoping you would be "no fucking way, i like you too much".. so, you left, then texted her, telling her how you feel, THEN YOU TELL HER YOU WERE TOO BLOODY DRUNK. So, now she is completely confused.. thinking that you didn't really mean it because you were "too drunk to know". The open flirting may be her attempting to make you jealous so she can get a reaction. So, "hunk".. what do you do now? You text her or speak to her in person and you take charge (we love that).. you say, you know what? I was drunk the other night but i really feel that way, i don't want to be stuck at "just friends" you're too...*insert nice compliment* and... wait..

    Not a guarantee. There's nothing worse than having feelings for a guy, realising he doesn't like you then getting over him, then him admitting he has feelings.. complete mindfuck. Tell her that, see what she says, if she isn't into it... then.. you missed your chance.. A second option is to act indifferent, cold, get her chasing after you then you can ask her for a date and go from there. Reverse psychology. We want what we can't have but this can only sometimes work, use it as a last resort. Don't be nasty to her, just don't flirt with her, act a little colder for a FEW DAYS to reignite her interest..

    Good luck!

    • Thank you for your thoughtful answer. :)

      I guess it would make sense to make a move. The real issue is I would much rather be friends than ask her out, she says no and it's awkward, and friendship is tough. We will continue to see each other in group settings for a couple months either way (we play on the same co-ed soccer team).

      I really think she liked me but assumed a relationship was impossible -- partly because I said so but also partly because she felt like she couldn't measure up to me (she's very insecure). Yet she was very very flirtatious and really opening up to me a lot about personal things... I think I have to overcome both the awkwardness I've created and the fear she has that I couldn't be seriously interested.

      Anyway I probably will back off slightly for a bit and then ask her out... Unless you think I should ask her out immediately.

    • Backing off for a few days then ask again. Maybe i'm just impatient but i'm put off by this hot and cold behaviour and will only tolerate it so long. I hate having to wait. If you would feel better being friends, do you really think asking her out is a good idea? If she cannot be friends and you don't overly want something more, the friendship is lost, unfortunately.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Karma's a b*tch, ey. My advice is to grow a pair and take initiative! Enough of these mixed signals. Ask her point blank "I like you, do you want to go on a date?" she says yes, set up a date. She says no, well at least now you know.

  • ask her out.

    • The two times I've asked her out since this she has had legitimate excuses to get out of it. One time meetings, and she asked whether I would be around after, and one time it was for her to come with me to 4th of July instead of going back home to her family. She said "potentially" to that and I didn't follow up (didn't want to pressure her), then I asked her very casually yesterday and she said "oh yeah! thanks for the invite but I do plan on heading home."

      I know she's feeling intimidated / pressured but what I don't know is whether she deep down likes me the right way. I'm pretty sure she does but it keeps getting complicated by all this uncomfortableness. What do you think? How should I ask her out? Should it obviously be a date?

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