Is the honeymoon phase over?

My girlfriend and I are in our 20s. We talk every morning our way to work and at night before she goes to sleep (she says she can't go to sleep without hearing my voice). We have been going out 5 months now but I've noticed we hardly text anymore during the day. When we first started to go out, we would text throughout the day and talk on the phone at night for hours. Now (the last month or so), we talk until she falls asleep around 12am (instead of 3/4am like before) and we text occasionally (sometimes my texts go unanswered/dismissed). She's told me that's she's busy at work lately and I know she is. I've seen how hectic it is at her job when I swing by to pick her up for dinner and I am busy too at my job most of the time. Not to mention, she would tell me she wants to see me and misses me a lot. Nowadays, I'll get a picture here and there, she still tells me that she misses me and constantly tells me that she loves me. It feels like unless I tell her let's go somewhere, we don't go out. I'm very independent but it sometimes feels I'm putting in more effort. She is very close to her family and spends time with them. Sometimes it feels like I'm playing second fiddle to them and she cancels plans to be with them. I would think, since we talk about what life will be like married and all, that I would be higher on the totem pole. Is this normal?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Uh, i like a guy to show he's into me. I know there should always be a half way/shared thing but honestly, i was VERY into my ex, i still didn't make the effort to text. I needed to know he was into me because he didn't show it well in other ways. He never took me out on a date/bought me anything occasionally and always texted later on when he was bored so i felt very unnapreciated and point blank refused to make first contact with him because i refused to chase him. He told me to do this but, honestly, i gave him everything else, i felt so, so used. I ended up dumping him because i felt like he wasn't into me and i was correct. Fuck texting. Take her out, make the effort, chase her, buy her something nice (it DOESN'T have to be expensive) show her in different ways rather than be concerned with texting. Also, family are always more important than boyfriends. Unless you are her husband, that isn't a big issue. I think you both should organise dates, go out and after a few weeks, if the issue isn't resolved then talk to her, if it still is a problem after speaking to her then you may be better off with someone else if it bothers you that much.

    • I take her out 2/3 times a week. We live in different states so I do my best to make her happy. Sometimes I will stop by her job and surprise her by taking her out to dinner or bringing her a small gift. Things have been this way since I went away for work for 2 weeks and then her family came to visit the next 2 weeks. I do understand and think it's a great point you made, I'm not her husband so I shouldn't take it personal.

    • You do more for her than the tool i was with. Well done to you!

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What Girls Said 5

  • Yep, it seems like the honeymoon phase is over. I've read somewhere that, that kind of feeling, the excitement and all, I call it "the lover's high" subsides after 6 months or so but I don't think that's what you wanna hear sooo... I'll just show you another way of looking at the situation...

    With both of you being very busy, instead of thinking how less you've hung out for the past month, why not make it an opportunity to value your together time even more? Cherish those times and be excited for those times. I don't think it's healthy to maintain a bedtime of 3/4 am for a long long time, anyway. Of course, valuing your together time is also as important as valuing your alone time so when you're doing nothing and she isn't available, do something for yourself.

    Make her feel loved by communicating it with her, as she does with you.
    It shouldn't be about who's making more effort, but when you start feeling that, it may be time to reflect if the relationship is still worth it and talk to your partner about it. This period in your relationship where everything goes back to normal (from the previous excitement and high of being together) is a time to really get to know each other even more like, Who is my partner, really, in the long run?

    With the family thing, family really comes first and foremost. You shouldn't question the time she thinks she should spend with them, they were there before you. It's good though that you are able to talk about married life. Don't you think that if she really gives the effort to be with her family, it would be a good sign for you both if ever you two decide to take it as far as marriage?

    I hope I helped, sorry for the long opinion.

    • Us talking on the phone until 3/4am was in the beginning of us dating and the first few months of the relationship. Now, we talk until one of us falls asleep or we are too tired to continue the conversation anymore. I know the honeymoon phase is over but I still love her dearly and love her more and more each day. I'm excited to understand her on a deeper level. I agree, I love that she gives the effort to be with her family. It means that she will be dedicated and loving if we go as far as marriage. I appreciate the long opinion. It just feels like I am putting in the effort more lately since she has been busy with family and work.

  • I think relationships fail when you try to categorize them. Just do not. Do not make assumptions do not get into conclusions.
    Relationships are alive creatures actually. They grow when you feed them.
    You need to water them, give food. Say lovely words etc.
    What I see you want a good relationship but you want it your way. In your definition.
    What is a good relationship?
    Texting everyday? Seeing them everyday? Pretending you are happy?
    Do not make any fight? What?
    She seems she attached to her family a lot. So what? Would you prefer someone hates her family?
    I know maybe it is too much but still it is way better than many condition.
    You are with her just 5 months. You need to be patient.
    Everyone wants to be a superstar and higher on the pole. But you can not be all the time. Everyone has some kind of a life and duties.
    If she makes you feel great, even it is time to time, if you are happy with her, if even seeing her as happy, you should not complain really.
    STILL if this bothers you, just tell her. This way, these are just assumptions.
    And it goes nowhere, just unhappiness.

  • Ur missing flags...
    If its only 5 months and she's already that distanced fromhow u were before... Probably not a good sign...

  • She sounds like me. Doesn't mean I don't miss or love my boyfriend anymore. I'm just busy, exhausted and wanna be left alone or sometimes spend time with my family. They're very important to me. Just talk to her. I highly doubt her feelings for you has changed.

    • I've spoken with her about it. I love that I can be open and honest with her. Sometimes she will send me a text and ask a question. I'll reply and ask one back but she doesn't respond. I understand if you are busy and don't reply for hours, it happens. However, if I asked a question, I would assume you would respond to it later on when you are free. Or am i mistaken to think that? I don't question her love, I know she adores me and loves me.

  • How you show love may not be how she shows love. Next time your with her pay attention. Does she express love through words? Actions? Gifts? Etc
    If she shows love through affection then the texting isn't a big issue
    The fact you talk every night before bed is a great sign, it just means she's falling back into her old routine and that's a good thing :) if your concerned then perhaps bring it up with her and see what she says
    I wouldn't worry though

    • She expresses her love through affection. I express mine by things I do for her, gifts, etc. We talk every morning on the phone on her way to work (I call her to wake her up, at her request). We talk every night before we go to sleep. She's told me that she likes hearing my voice and can't fall asleep unless she talks to me. This hasn't changed. This has been the case since we started 'officially' dating.

    • Exactly right :) so try focus on those things that she is still doing
      Texting isn't a big issue especially when you talk every night,
      I personally don't like texting through out the day and would much prefer a call at the end of the night or texts at the end of the night especially when I'm busy
      It's all normal so don't stress :) any concerns just lightly bring it up

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