Urgent relationship advice?

Recently, I got into a relationship very quickly with somebody who has a tight schedule. He's more than willing to cancel anything for me, but I can't bring myself to allow my selfish needs and wanting to be with him to prevent him from going about his everyday routine.

When I'm with him, I'm extremely happy. He's one of the most amazing people I've ever met, brings out the best in me and is like my boyfriend/bestfriend in one, but due to previous circumstances with other men, I'm stuck in the mindset that he doesn't care about me all that much. I know he does, but I'm so paranoid that I'm insignificant to him.

I love him a lot, and I certainly want to be with him, but I don't know what to do about us not being able to spend that much time together and sometimes it really irritates me and I just feel extremely shit that football practice or things like that seem to mean more to him than I do.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Before going into the extreme, like breaking up with him, I would talk to him first. It wouldn't be selfish to ask him if you could spend a little more time together. Just set up a time that be boyfriend/girlfriend time. Maybe it is after football practice. Maybe is each weekend.
    Communication would be the next more appropriate step instead of breaking up. Often times, problems can be easily solved with a little communication. This will also help with your paranoia about him, because if he refuses to work on the schedule or find a time for together-ness, there is no point in sticking around. He isn't willing to come down to your level and have reason.

    Like I mentioned earlier, it is not unreasonable or selfish for you to ask for more time together. Just tell him how you feel, and he'll probably understand. It'd only be unreasonable if you demanded he cancel his whole life for you. You both need to compromise.

    Tl;Dr; Compromise and find a good time that works for both of you. Express your feelings. Find a time where you two can be boyfriend girlfriend.

    Any questions, comments, or concerns? I'm happy to try my best at resolving them.

    • He always offers to cancel his things to see me - like I'll ask if he wants to hang out and he'll say "oh, I have tutoring but I can cancel" or "I can miss practice" or "I can somehow get out of work" but a part of me knows that he doesn't want to do that and he's doing it to please me, so I decline his offer because I would hate to be the kind of girlfriend that interferes with his life.

      It's just so stressful since he's about to go into trials and also has a tonne of work in and outside of school, it's making me feel like if we don't spend time together, we're never going to get that chance to become closer than we already are.

    • Is it possible you could set up long range dates? Like ones where it is like, "Ok, on the 14 (or whatever day), let's clear our schedule and just hang out with each other."
      If not, I would take him up on some of his offers. It was his offer to do it, and it'd be letting him commit into the relationship. He got into this relationship and is wanting to make it work too, so why not let him? You wouldn't be the girlfriend that interferes with his life by accepting his offers. That kind of girlfriend is what happens when she tells the boyfriend to cancel stuff for her and gives no lee way. Like a "we need this or it's done" kind of thing. Sure, he may want to go to football practice, but he is trying to show he wants to spend time with you more. It's only hurting you by doing this.

      In any case, talk to him about it. If you can't schedule a time, he may offer to cancel something. I understand you wanting to be selfless, but I would let him spend time with you and cancel.

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What Girls Said 1

  • try to talk whenever you can.