I am 19, I just had my first kiss & I feel wrong.....

I have been hanging out with this guy, and I was really getting to like him. We see each other every day and spend lots of time together & like all the same things. We were walking home alone last night & as I turned to go I touched his arm to say goodbye, & he swung me around & I think I opened my mouth in surprise and he kissed me tongue & everything. ... I feel really weird cause I really liked him, but I wanted time to decide how I felt & I have never kissed anyone so i felt like I got robbed of the anticipation - I mean he did not even have to see if t was OK.

I understand people get nervous, but he could have at least

held me for a moment or looked into my eyes just so I could grasp what was going on... I really think I deserved to be warned. we are not even dating. I mean there is tons of attraction but that does not mean he can just assume-- it's a question of respect... Also - and this is the part that makes me feel queasy.

He put his hands around the small of my back like in an embrace , I guess he was trying to be romantic, but I think I resisted - you know like instinctively cause I was not expecting anyone to be touching me after I turned to go home. So I know I pulled away & he actually held me , like I would have had to struggle to extract myself .

I do not think he was actually trying to FORCE me, I think he was nervous, trying to be romantic & WAY too sure of himself., I am not worried about being able to talk about it - he sort of apologized after... What concerns me, is that he did not realize that that would be wrong. That I did not know him very well. It was very late at night and we were alone- which means I was trusting him- he does not know anything about me - I might have some trauma issue for all he knows- we were not even out on a date. I mean you really are not supposed to go around kissing people just cause you feel like it... Mostly I am bummed because I did like him and now I think he is a bit of a tool. I wanted to kiss him at some point but not without knowing it not for my first time and not like that... I mean it is actually pretty disgusting to have some ones tongue in your mouth when you are not expecting it

I don't even want to have to dissect a stupid Kiss...It just feels wrong & I am mad at him for making me feel stupid for not reacting quicker or not trying harder to pull away- I mean to make decision to do so , no ifs. & I keep thinking that if I had not touched his stupid arm, he never would have thought it was OK.

I am usually very relaxed and easy going... I resent that I am in a position where I feel like I SHOULD be upset, or I am not respecting myself. I resent that I resent it. Lol.



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  • Well, its hard to judge since I don't know him or what he is like. Being as young as you are, I am guessing he just got nervous and made a quick move before he chickened out. I am much older than you and my first kiss was similar -- wasn't even that into the guy. Just know that you will have MANY more kisses to come--whether from him or someone else. And, there will be a lot better kisses & you will probably look back an laugh about this. Unless the guy proves to be a jerk in the weeks to come, I wouldn't be angry at him. Also, look at it this way...when you have the first kiss that is REALLY great, you will appreciate it that much more. The guy I kissed after that first guy made me realize what a good kiss was. For now, I say give the guy another chance.