Guys, To date or not to date?

I'm 25 and have always had a hard time with dating. It's not that I'm picky but I'm not a romantic. I'm a realist. I don't waste my time and move on quickly when I get a tiny speck of a feeling that this might just not work. So here's my problem. I finally found a guy that things are going great with. We've been dating for months now and he wants to be official, serious. I, being the way I am don't know. It's just easier for me to stop dating someone than it is to break up. But part of me really wants this. So I told him id like him to meet my family first. He thought this was a great idea and planed for the 4th. I have a big family party on the 4th. I picked him up around 1 because he wanted to help set up and meet my parents before everyone else came at 4 but on our way into town (we live in the next town over) his friend called and asked him to go to the lake for a few hours. He didn't even make it down my parents drive way. I didn't want to tell him no so I said he could it was "whatever" he said he'd be back by 4. He came at 7. Met the family. And got along great with dad. But I just can't get over it. For weeks and even now he's saying he wants to be serious. I'm his priority. I'm the most important thing to him. I think I would have said yes But I can't give him an answer after that. I don't know if he means all these things. If he did, if I was a priority would he have left? Would he have been on time? I didn't seem to important then. How can I be sure he means that I am. Or if his words or just words. Of course he apologized and made up for it. I need help. Am I being fooled by the smooth talker that everyone loves but then gets the girl then turns into an ass. Or do these thing happen with men and I should go for it.
  • Don't do it.
    Vote A
  • Go for it!
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • If this is the only problem you've had then there's nothing to worry about. It seems your looking for a reason to leave rather than reasons to stay. If you like him and he likes you and there is no major issue try it when something major happens or he's always late. Then think about it. Its not like you told him no don't go or that it was extremely important to you. If he thinks your on the fence or not that interested from time to time he will chose things that might anger you. Communication is key and without it you will have similar dilemmas with whomever you date.


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What Guys Said 5

  • Always go with your gut feeling.. obviously you're not feeling fully confident with him. The fact he was late says it. What was he doing for 3 hours? Doing his makeup? Ask him. If he gives you some bullshit excuse.. red flag. If I were you, I wouldn't make any serious commitment yet..

  • While You're never gonna be able to overcome this issue unless you take the risk, it's important that you understand that no relationship is perfect, but On the other hand I agree with you, he knew more than anyone else how hard it is for you to get on a seroius relationship, therefore he knew how important that day was and what a big step it meant for you to meet your parents, yet in hard beat he left you to spend time with your friends and showed up late like it wasn't a big deal.

  • Is it possible that he was just intimidated at the idea of having to meet your 'big family'?

    Part of the problem of being a dating-realist and refusing to get into relationships unless it's perfect is that you may never get the relationship practice you might need to make it work in the case that you eventually meet the right person.

    I say agree to the relationship if you actually do really like him. And if shit goes south, man up and break it off. Yeah, breakups suck, but they're not impossible—and it's certainly not worth missing out on what could be a great relationship just because you fear one day having to break it off.

  • "Met the family. And got along great with dad"

    Isn't this the bigger picture? It seems like you're just afraid of being hurt and scrambling to find mistakes as an excuse to break it off.

  • I think that's a very dickish move on his part especially if he wanted to show up early and meet your parents and help set up. Then he shows up 3 hours late on a day that is very important to you. He's also meeting your parents for the first time and setting a bad first impression there, so if he's already willing to break promises or go back on his word now, that doesn't spell good things for this relationship going forward. Of course, you can just pardon him for it this time, but if this happens again, it's your sign to run.


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