He told me he has herpes and I don't know what to think?

A guy I've kinda started seeing just told me he has herpes. We've already kissed quite a lot & gone as far as oral sex but no actual sex yet.
He said he doesn't get outbreaks that often & that it would only affect me on an outbreak.
He also said the last girl blocked his number once he told her & said its fine for me to do that if I want to.
I'm not going to block his number and stop speaking to him over this but I am kind of confused over where this leaves me personally, health wise if I was to start a relationship with him?
Any opinions on this would be appreciated thanks


Most Helpful Guy

  • You can get herpes even if he doesn't have an outbreak and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You need to tell him that he is misinformed about how herpes spreads and dump his ignorant ass. You should also get tested in case he already gave it to you.


Most Helpful Girl

  • The information the guy is giving you is inaccurate.

    Although he may be asymptomatic he still has an opportunity to spread the virus to you because it is always shedding.

    Herpes is a virus that lays doormat in the body.
    It hides inside of the cells and becomes active making the body vulnerable and suspect to infection.

    -Ways to avoid catching the virus if you choose to be intimate with him-

    -Whenever he feels a outbreak coming on (this is called prodrome symptoms)--such as tingling, numbness, irritation, achiness, etc, he should sustain from sexual activity.
    This means an outbreak is going to occur soon and the transmission rate will be much higher.

    -Do not have sex during an outbreak (when it is present)

    -Make sure he is on anti-viral medication

    If you avoid outbreaks with him and he gets on anti-virals there is a less than 5 percent chance he can spread the virus to you.

    I admire him for being honest about his virus.
    There are so many people who do not give other people the option to choose.
    Whether you stay with him or not, he is a respectable man for being honest.

    80 percent of the population is infected with oral herpes.
    20 percent of the population are infected with genital herpes.

    So, what does that say?
    It is much more common than one thinks.

    I find rather than the STD itself, it is the stigma associated with stds that further hurt people.
    It takes as little as one person to infect you.
    Some people assume that the person infected led a promiscuous life when that isn't true at all.

    Whether you choose to stay with him or not doesn't make you a bad person.
    You have to put your health first.
    You have to decide whether he is worth taking a (slight) risk.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Is it herpes A, which is a cold sore on the mouth... or is it genital herpes.

    • Exactly. I have herpes A as well, and I have it because it's in my genes, so honestly it's not really an issue. Herpes is no big deal.

    • Show All
    • Yeah being sick can lead to an outbreak too, so can menstruation and too much sun... but you are right on not sharing things with others, but than again 80% of the world has simplex 1

    • Yea so no biggie if its type no.1 :)

What Girls Said 5

  • you can get it from oral sex, too. so just be super super careful.
    always use protection and be sure to get yourself tested often.
    he told you, so thast a good thing. he respects you enough to be honest with you. you just gotta see if its worth the risk.

  • He did the right thing by telling you, but he should have told you before any oral sex, as it can be spread that way. You should get tested and, if you really like this guy, then be super super careful going forward. Get advice from your Dr.

  • He did the right thing by telling you. You can still have a relationship with him, just be sure to practice safe sex.

  • If he has HSV2 (genital) its nearly impossible to transmit that orally and for you to have HSV2 in the mouth. However HSV 1 is oral and can also be transmitted genitally. He needs to be clear on which herpes he has. There is an 7% chance a year to transmit herpes when one doesn't have symptoms and you don't use protection but if you use protection and he's on anti viral it reduces significantly. If you avoid sex during outbreaks or him feeling an outbreak coming then you should be ok but its a risk wether you think is worth taking or not. People are married for years where one partner has it and the other doesn't. I know it has a horrible stigma but try looking at it as a skin problem because that is honestly what it is.

    Herpes Transmission Rates
    The likelihood of passing genital herpes to a partner is highest during an outbreak (times when a sore is present).
    When a person is not experiencing an outbreak, there is a 4-10% chance of transmitting it. (Depending on gender)
    According to studies done by Valtrex, these are the rates of transmission per year of regular sex:

    If partners avoid sex during outbreaks: 4% chance transmission from female to male; 8% male to female
    If partners also use condoms or antiviral medication: 2% female to male; 4% per year male to female
    If partners also use condoms and antiviral medications: 1% female to male; 2% male to female

  • I had a scare in the past so i can tell you straight up:

    Tell him to get a blood test from the doctor, he may actually just have herpes type 1 on his genitals which will not come very often and may even die out over time because herpes 1 is the mouth (oral) virus and actually much prefers to outbreak there

    "The primary difference between the two viral types is in where they typically establish latency in the body- their "site of preference." HSV-1 usually establishes latency in the trigeminal ganglion, a collection of nerve cells near the ear. From there, it tends to recur on the lower lip or face. HSV-2 usually sets up residence in the sacral ganglion at the base of the spine. From there, it recurs in the genital area."

    if he has type 2 in the blood test there is more fair concern however herpes is not the end of the world and it was very respectful of him to tell you

    here read this,


    also if you have has a cold sore on your mouth in the past, you will actually be immune to herpes 1 already because the infection to other areas of your body can only happen before antibodies built up in the first 3-6 months of infection, meaning if he has type 1 on his genitals he was just unlucky enough to had not built up antibodies as a child like some other people. The type 1 and type 2 while similar share 50% of their DNA so anyone who already had a cold sore actually has some defense against genital herpes.