Guy is bad at texting, how can I handle this?

So I've been talking to a guy I pretty much think is amazing, we went on one date so far that went really well and are supposed to meeting up again this week. According to his actions and words he really likes me as well, but he is terrible at responding to my texts. I am not constant I may even go an entire day without texting him, but I find this process difficult because I am thinking about talking to him and hoping he will message me the entire time... and he doesn't, then I feel insecure because to me, CLEARLY he does not have me on his mind or feel a particular urge to talk to me. But when he finally does our convos are fantastic. But the worst of all and when I send him a message and 12 hours later there is no response and my anxiety level is through the roof but all I can do is sit tight and try not to pester him, but I am staring at my phone constantly and want to throw it through a wall. I also am struggling with not getting angry because I take being ignored as a slight, and feel people should at least have the respect to text back that they are busy as soon as they get a chance to, out of consideration. Any advice on this issue? Any ideas that don't make me come off as pushy or needy? But also help me with the feeling of being ignored, undervalued, and disrespected?

We had a great convo two days ago, he said he wanted to call me the following day, I said that would be great, he never did. I texted "You said you were going to call me" yesterday. Still no response. I hate this.
told him if he is busy, just tell me when he can, and I totally respect that, don't just go forever not even acknowledging my extension of communication. I am taking a break from trying. Really at first I was upset about this because I was feeling the first wave of hard crushing, but this annoyance has put me into a state of indifference and annoyance. We are supposed to hang in a couple days, if he doesn't extend communication of his own volition I may only message him to. confirm
Frankly... I don't even know if I will message to confirm. If he can't do it himself either what's the point?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Had I been younger, I would have given advice based on mind games and 'make them suffer/wait/wonder a bit' and nonsensical shit like that. Past 30s, my only advice is: listen to what you CLEARLY feel. You find it annoying when someone plays hard to get and doesn't have the decency to answer one simple text (assuming you're not constantly spamming him)? Fine. Leave him alone and find someone else who'd be totally willing to chat and text as much as YOU like. Because point is, he's got to enjoy to do these things himself, in order of it to work, otherwise it will be a nightmare for both and one of you will get tired of games pretty soon (or at least, as soon as the 'cat is in the sack'). Good luck!

    • Why make someone suffer and wait? I stop talking to girls if they don't respond to my texts.

    • that was exactly my point, it makes no sense and it's quite immature, plus it won't help at all in really knowing the person better. but in all truth, vast majority of people in that age bracket (under 30, sometimes even over) play these games. maybe insecuritry, maybe they read about this 'tecnique' in some stupid magazine or dating blog, but yet they do that. like you, I'd simply assume that someone who doesn't answer consistently is just not interested, or has got a personal agenda.

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What Guys Said 5

  • How the hell do you think people did before texting was invented? Not everybody likes it. I sure don't ! I still have a 10yo dumb cellphone and I never text with. I may love a girl with all my heart, but having to reply in an instant to every dumb text you send is really effing annoying. We don't give a shit that you just got into starbucks and are having a latte. What do you even reply to that? We are busy getting shit done. If you can't understand that, YOU have a problem, not him. Text him when it's IMPORTANT. You can tell him all about how you feel once his day is over. There is a time when he is with you, and then there is a time wheen he must work.

    • I get you, though I think you are ranting based on an experience, because I don't text about lattes. I text usually in the evening for a conversation as an alternative to not keeping in touch at all.

    • You are absolutely right. It was a rant that was not necessarily directed at you. The latte was just an example of things we don't need to know.
      If he is really not keeping in touch at all, even after his work day, then you two have a problem.

  • He's not bad at texting, some people take forever to respond to a text others reply instantly. If they take hours just do the same. Though if they're interested normally they will get back to you the same day. All you can do is leave things as they are and see if he gets back to you eventually. Texting him again will only make you feel more needy/insecure and he probably won't get back to you anyway so try not to do this. If you really must text him, you should come across as if you couldn't care less, like "lol are you still out there?" it's difficult to do this in a text after calling him up on it though.

  • It can be anything he may not want you, he may be busy, he may be playing mind games and he may be lazy to replying,

  • Don't text then.

    • Well that is what I am trying to do but its stressing me out and making me miserable.

    • Show All
    • Well, I texted my crush Saturday night, and usually she replies within 24 hours, but she hasn't replied. I texted her this morning too...
      So like you, I don't know what to do. I might call her and leave a message but probably not today.

      Just... wait it out. I'm surprised a guy is being as annoying as girls typically are with texting.

    • Its not uncommon with guys either. And @JuicyBrain, if you think people should go around doing whatever suits them and not being considerate of others, because the feelings of others aren't technically their fault, you do you, thats not really the lifestyle I am into though.

  • Visit a psychiatrist then.

    • Why? Because I have emotions and don't like feeling disrespected I should visit a phychiatrist? OOOOOKAY BUDDY.

    • No, because you are obviously not in control of yourself.

    • What did I do that is out of control?

What Girls Said 2

  • Many of today's toms Are... CLEARLY Bad texters like Deters here, dear. I for know this probably Better than Anyone because I was Involved with a guy who would Barely... Try.
    He worked a lot of hours at his job being this night manger with Only one day off a week. So I usually Only saw him One night into the wee hours the next morning and this is what life consisted of.
    You may be thinking that "Oh, Paris13 must have been his booty," but No, not totally, because with the days off that he did Have, he spent Doing those things that he didn't get to do when working, so meeting me at Night, we would go out, then go back to his place for The... Good night.
    Anyways, long story short here, dear, he was as lousy Texter in between and not much better in between the sheets either... Slow. I knew he was quite popular with his Guy friends (Know This for a fact) and trying to catch up on his Facebook, in between everyone And everything else.
    Bottom line was, he made Other people a Priority over me. I was lucky to get a "Hi, my love how are you?" Because with his phone probably being blown up with Other more top notch buds than me, he was Better when it came time to getting Up with me when wanting to meet his sweet. It can get very frustrating and drive you to madness and being you are Not in a Real Relationship, you can't say much right now.
    However, should you accept this for what it is for now and stick with him to see if Anything else goes any Better for you both, then you can open your mouth, Shut the lion's mouth on his end up telling him what he needs to Do To... Stop putting you on a pay no mind list.
    For now, be diplomatic but perhaps tell him that you would just appreciate if he could say what he means.. When he says it by pushing a button on his own end because it sort of pushes your buttons.
    Another 'Bottom line' was we ended things With... A bad text and bad timing. He had pushed One too many of my buttons.
    Good luck. xx

  • Even if you likes you, you both have different communication patterns and needs...
    I don't say that a guy has to text me constantly, but in the initial stages every 1-2 days are just fine...

    I am dealing with a similar situation right now and it drives me nuts. I've started texting with other guys who are able to fulfill my communication needs. Who nows, maybe those guys are a better match in the end.

    I know the feeling of feeling mad and frustrated. When he texts you back, just act cold or tell him that you need a little bit more attention. If he likes you, he will understand it, otherwise it wasn't meant to be between the two of you..


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