Can someone give me some serious relationship advice?

I am in a deep ditch right now. I've been dating my girlfriend for almost two years now, and it has been amazing. Very few fights, and she is funny, smart, caring, and beautiful. But a few weeks ago my feelings for her flew out the window. I broke up with her, but took it back within an hour and we got back together to try and work things out. Since I haven't given her a definite answer on whether or not we are going to stay together, she is growing impatient, and feeling very unsecure. I feel awful for causing her this stress, but I don't even know what I want. She keeps asking me to tell her what is wrong and how she can help fix the relationship, but the problem is that I don't know! It just feels like it's dying and I can't do anything about it. When I'm not sad about it or wondering what we did wrong I am eaten by guilt for causing a perfect relationship to deteriorate. I don't know what to do and I am stressing out. What should I do? I can't take this much longer, and will break up if I can't make up my mind to spare her even more pain. Please help!


Most Helpful Girl

  • Surely you have already made up your mind? The fact that you can't decide what it is you want is a clear indicator that you do - you would have gotten back into this perfect relationship once you realised you made a mistake. Clearly, you don't think you made a mistake otherwise the deal would have been signed off by now.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Relationships can be tricky things. It's not being controlled by one person, but two. From what you've said, you've taken the control of the relationship with no concrete thought on whether or not you want to stay together. Your issue comes down to your fear of either being alone or without her. Honestly, it's unfair to her. If you're alright being away from her, then do that. But if you want to be in a relationship, you need to do that. The point is, you can't stay in this state of indecision for too long before she gets the same feelings of leaving. Can I ask you a question, what would your life be like if you did break up? Would you be sad at first but ultimately get over her and find someone else or would you be a mess for years to come? It's fine that you want to make a good choice for both of you, but you have to make one. She needs dedication and if you can't give that to her, you need to end it. But if you feel that she's the one you want to be with, then you need to settle with that idea. I know you love her and you don't want to hurt her, but doing this is probably killing her since she's not doing anything wrong. I suggest you take a week apart and think about it. Then you'll have a better idea of what you want to do. Good luck

    • Thank you for the amazing advice. I broke up with her for good two days ago. It's weird because I haven't cried or anything. I've just been having mood swings between happiness because I can explore my options freely, and sadness for breaking her heart and all of our fun memories. I know that she wouldn't take me back, and it would just make things worse, but I can't help worrying that I might regret this. oh well

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 1

  • Here you are worrying about something that is nonexistant. You are racking your brain because you feel something is wrong when there clearly isn't. A relationship takes both partners trying to make it work, she's willing to work on it whereas you are worrying instead of just being in the relationship. It's dying because you are letting it die, you can't blame someone else for your lack of effort

    • I'm not blaming her

    • Didn't say you were blaming her, I said here you are worrying about some insignificance when you should be putting in a little effort unto the relationship like she says she'll do... otherwise walk away.

    • I've been trying to put effort into it, if I wasn't I wouldn't have called off the break up to try and work it out

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