25 and up- Men with friends that are girls and meeting your GF?

Okay so I'm totally cool with having friends of the opposite sex. I have two guy friends from college that have always been just friends. They are married now and I know their wives well so I get it. I like a man who can have girl friends that are just friends because it shows an appreciation for women and an ability to get along with them in a healthy manner.

BUT- I also know sometimes guys are friends with girls because they got friend zoned and are still harboring a flame for them even if they maybe don't admit it to themselves. The guy I'm seeing has a really close girl friend that lives pretty close to me, I've never met her.

Usually guys will give me lots of details on their close girl pal and be like, "you should meet her you guys would get along really well". This is not the case with my current guy. We had a fight about a month back because he mentioned watching a movie in the park with a girl. I thought it was more recent than he made it sound and it sounded like a date. But it turns out it was the weekend we met and just with her and some other people. So okay fine.

Then we had plans to go boating with his friends but I got bumped because they ran out of seats. I found out later she was there and took him back to his car at my place that night. This upset me because I still haven't met her and why didn't they just come in for a minute.

He isn't used to being in a relationship so I've had to walk him through some other things like this, basically that when you are in a relationship you have to sometimes put the best interest of the relationship ahead of what you want to do. That you can't go around doing everything just as you did when you were single.

Anyway, I told him the only reason I'm being this way is because I haven't met her and I think it is time. He agreed to set something up but didn't seem thrilled. I'm afraid the reason he doesn't want us to meet is because it will be awkward for him if he secretly has a cursh on her. I know nothing is going on but he is never going to be able to commit to a relationship staying close with someone who doesn't like him back.

Guys am I misreading this?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Men aren't always the best at picking up on social queues. A lot of times they don't know something is a problem until you tell them. As long as he isn't repeating the same kind of mistakes after you talk about it or disregarding your concerns I'd say cut him some slack.

    Relationships are about compromise and can be a learning process. Especially if he has been single for a long time. It can be a big adjustment but he is making those adjustments for your I'd take that as a good sign.

    Don't push him too much on meeting the girl but if he hasn't set something up in a week or so maybe give him another nudge. Maybe suggest getting a beer one day after work at a place in your neighborhood than ask if he wants o see if she'd like to meet up. Best


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What Guys Said 3

  • The important thing here is not for him to know that nothing improper is going on between him and the friend; he must be concerned for how the situation appears to you. He may need some work with this and patience may be required.

    It is impossible to say whether he harbors any feelings for this girl. If you think you have a future with this guy, the safest thing for you to do is to make his friend your new best friend.

    • I don't quite understand what you mean by, "He must be concern for how the situation appear to you[me]"?

      But yes I absolutely plan the meet her and be bubbly and nice and hopefully end up with a new gal pal myself would be the end goal. Just like I did when my guy friend's met their wives. I knew right away before ever meeting the ladies that they were not going to be like the others and if I wanted to keep my friends I had to win them over as well.

    • I am an attorney. In our rules of ethics, it is emphasized that not only must we conduct ourselves according to the rules of ethics, but we must avoid even the appearance of being in violation. So, even if we are doing something that is ethical, we must think about how it appears to our client, opposing counsel, etc.

      I am recently divorced. My ex-wife was pathologically jealous. I could have gone to lunch with women in my workplace and had a purely innocent lunch but if my ex had found out about it, she would have been jealous. . . and I knew that. Therefore, I didn't go to lunch with any of those ladies or do anything else that might cause her to be jealous, even though I knew that I had always been true blue to her.

      Your boyfriend needs to be concerned about what things look like from your perspective as an outsider to the relationship between him and the friend.

  • First its a good thing you are being patient with him, relationship wise. A lot of women are not like that. Second you most likely jave nothing to worry about. Guys in the friendzone rarely, if ever, seek out serious relationships because they want to be free if their lady love decides to date them, which never happens. Also, a lot of girls dont react kindly to a guy talking a lot about other girls, even friends, which is why a lot of guys tiptoe around the subject when they have platonic female friends.

  • I feel like it might be backwards. I don't know what really is going on, but it's possible that he is trying to just be friends with this girl and she is the one who likes him. More importantly, she may have not been happy to find out that he is dating you so meeting you is something she is not interested in. I speak of a friend of mine who (without my knowledge) wanted to date me. I was already dating someone else and really wanted to introduce the two. My girlfriend wanted to meet my friend, but my friend wanted nothing to do with her. I'm not saying this is happening to you, but I do want you to try and look at the situation from a few angles. We never really know what's going on until we investigate and explore. I would start by talking seriously about this with your boyfriend. If he is harboring feelings for her, it's best you find out sooner than later. But if it is because this girl is the one that is causing a strain on your boyfriend, you need to jump in an be supportive.


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