Most Helpful Guy
You really gotta talk to him. Just show him your rage if he ignores you, and talk about this all0THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
Most Helpful Girl
Okay, you are basically putting this all on him when you say that your relationship can be compared to that of 14 year old relationships. If this is the case, then you are also to blame. You have no trust in him at all because you are invading his privacy by checking his Facebook without him knowing. YOU are in the wrong with that. Of course a relationship isn't going to work out when there is no trust between you two. I know plenty of people who delete their messages once they have no use for them. A lot of people do it nowadays. I do it. It's not because I have something to hide, but because I just find them cluttering and annoying and like to have everything as a clean slate. You don't have a right to be mad about him deleting his messages when you are sneaking around trying to read them in the first place. You are saying you can't stand the secrecy, but you are keeping a huge secret yourself every time you check his FB messages without him knowing.
I agree that he should tell you when he's going out and not just ignore you or get mad at you when you ask. My father has done the same thing where he is at work all day, comes home for a little while and then goes back out and doesn't come back until 2-4am. He doesn't tell my mom where he is or where he's going or when he'll be back and he doesn't even answer any of us when we text him while he is out so he's basically impossible to reach during that time. It's stressful in my home too, but my mom has NEVER gone through his messages or tried digging through his stuff just to find things out. While she may not trust him completely, she has never snooped (at least not to the extant that you have by trying to read his personal messages).
You need to sit him down and have a long talk with him and even if he gets mad continue talking. Maybe have a mediator around or go to couples counseling if you can. You have to find some way to make this work if he's not going to try to. You have two children together and he needs to realize that he needs to be a more responsible father. You may not be his wife, but you are his long time girlfriend and that's enough of a commitment right there. He is not a free man and he shouldn't be acting like he is. Of course, he can and should have a guys night out, but he should at least let you know when it is and where it is. It's not being clingy if you want to know. It's not obsessive or controlling either. You just don't want to worry.0THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE