I'm 20 and he's 28 w/three kids. His name is Jay. When we first met, we agreed to be just friends with benefits which was cool. After a while, he started liking me and admitted he didn't like me seeing/talking with other guys. His brother told me that Jay really likes me. Things started getting more serious. We hung out more and there wasn't any obligation for sex (he said that himself). He even wanted me to text him more. He's started calling me beautiful, introducing me to friends and family, kissing me on my cheek - all this for about 2 months now. I've met his kids & like them, I even look after them for Jay while he's at work a couple times per week. I've brought up a relationship a few times, but still nothing. But now, he wants me to move in... and I'm not even his girlfriend. I text him more, like he asked, but he doesn't text me anymore than he used to. Why would he want me to live with him?
Most Helpful Guy
In bigger cities like New York, San Francisco, Los Angels, the rent is so expensive that when you really feel a connection with someone, moving in is not that far out of the question. I'm not saying you live in a big city, but this mentality seems to carry over with a lot of people. Now, keep in mind, you set up a very poor foundation with this guy, since you decided to start by having sex instead of ending on that note. So now, in his mind, why shouldn't you move in? It'll be easier since you like the kids, you guys can be together whenever you want, all the fun benefits. But benefits for who? I'm not saying he isn't a bad guy, honestly I don't know, but he can only see the benefits of you moving in. Where are you're benefits? Moving in with someone, that you aren't exclusive with is a terrible idea. And I wouldn't even consider moving in with someone you're dating until you've been seeing each other for a long time. 6 months because you have to be able to see them at their worst so you know what you're getting yourself into. You've been playing a fantasy in your mind that he's this awesome guy with great kids, but your instincts are kicking in making you ask yourself why this feels funny. I can't say what he's thinking. I can't say what you should do. But I highly suggest you take a good look at what you are about to step into. This is a serious commitment with the other person, who has not even once said anything about being more than FBs. The truth is, I had a roommate with this exact situation with his girlfriend. He had two kids and without them being in a 'relationship' she was practically moving in. It was only after they dated for a while that she realized (since I already knew) that he was into drugs and really bad sexual addictions. She had given up the lease to her apartment and when she was forced to leave because he was really sexually abusive, she had to move back to her parent's house. I'm not saying he's any of this, but this had all happened in the same time period you just described, two or three months. Just look at what feels right and if you really like this guy, talk to him about a serious relationship, that comes first. Then after dating a little longer, then you should commit to moving in because once you're in, it's not going to be an easy out because it's not just him, he has kids. Lots of responsibility and commitment. Hope that helps a little.2
Most Helpful Girl
It sounds like he wants someone to look after his kids and put out sex without having to commit to a relationship. Tie him down or move along but don't put yourself in that in between.1