What do you do for guys to justify having them pay for you?

As much as it causes me real distress and pain to endugle women's entitlement to have me pay for date with them, there's a point where me respecting myself and my values just isn't practical anymore and I have to give in to this BS. So I'm yeilding, apparently I want affection and intimacy more that you and you are far better at sitting back and waiting it out than me so like a fkn moron I'm just going to pay. I'm just going to smile and accept it as best I can and hopefully a good relationship somewhere down the line makes me forgiving toward the hurt.

It would really help me deal with this shit if the fairness of it could be explained to me. Many women say they like it and try to make it out to be not that bad, but they often try to justify this cultral expectation by saying some junk like "we do other things."

When it comes to "it shows respect" or "it shows that he cares" or whatever; where's the mututal respect? Why does it only go one way? Why is it totally cool for me to NEVER know that postive experience of having someone show they care for me like that and yet also acceptable for women to EXPECT to have that positive experience thoughout their lives? Doesn't that seem bleak?

So, I'm asking what things do you girls do? What do you do that justifies me paying for you on our first date?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Girls want a clear perspective of how a guy is. Wether he is nice and well respected, girls want to get to know him at a personal level. For instance, if a girl goes out on a date, she wants to know the guy for truly who he is. On the other hand, if a guy doesn't want to pay on the first date, the girl and guy should pay equally. Meaning, if both of them go out and eat at a food place or see a movie, both of them should pay for their own amount of money. Some girls don't even like it when a guy pays for them, they prefer to pay for themselve. For attention and kindness od a first date, girls only want to get know the guy as a person not jump into the personal level of affection. A first date can be only getting to know the person and how they are. There doesn't have to be so much on the first date, just take baby steps to get to know the person well over time.

    • All well and good but I really feel like too many expect a guy to pay or would secretly want a guy to pay when splitting it. It just seems like it's not worth the risk.

    • Just dividing will help. She can pay for her own things and the guy can pay for his. They can talk about it. And it is just the first date, there is no need to pay for other people's stuff. Just make it equal share. Before they go on the first date, they can talk about the amount of money they could spend even to even, not over pay for only single person. I know people work and need money, but on dates, people should just divide their own payments on stuff.

Most Helpful Guy

  • This is all messed up. When I offer to date a girl it's a gift, you don't expect anything for a gift. The whole thought of expecting anything from a girl for taking her out except for her to be polite and maybe entertaining is repulsive. You need to get your head on straight.

    • Exactly. If I ask a guy out, then I pay. It's quite simple, really.

    • Show All
    • I get that it's a gift, but what of the women who EXPECT that gift. Why do they get to say a guy should always pay and still feel like that's perfectly fine?

    • Well they aren't asking you out are they? If they are I would expect them to pay. Personally I don't go for women who expect to be courted. They can wait around for men who will pursue them if that's what they want.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I just defer to whoever asks for the date pays for the first one. And before you jump all over me for it, YES, I have asked guys out before and thusly paid for the date. I'm not a hypocrite. And I am aware that other women don't do that, but what other women do or don't do hasn't got a damn thing to do with me.

    After the first date, I tend to defer to paying every other time (ish) so it's relatively equal. With my boyfriend, if we go to the movies, I'll pay for the snacks if he pays for the movie, because that works out to be about the same. If he pays for dinner one night and it's like a $60 bill and then the next meal we have out is smoothies or something and only costs $20 then I'll pay for the next small thing too. Etc.

  • That's so depressing... do all guys think like that? my boyfriend gave out to me for trying to pay while on a date...

    • Gave out to you? What do you mean exactly?

    • He got angry

    • Can't be sure exactly why he would do that you should ask him.

      Even though I don't like the idea of having to pay, I think the cultural expectations also make me seem pathetic if I don't. I could totally see him feeling like he's doing the right thing by paying. It might make him feel more secure by subconsciously spending resources to encourage you to stay, like he's unknowingly trying to buy you off.

      If something like that is the case I think something along the lines of "it makes me feel like a man" would come out of him if asked.

  • the fact that i am present


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