Why do men pull back after 3-4 dates?

I've noticed from my dating experience that after 3-4 dates men even the interested ones will normally do a pull back. Usually everything until the third date will go fast then somewhere in between 3-6 dates he will pull back a bit. Why is that? What dhould I do when this happens?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You can't really do anything "when this happens." By then it's too late.

    If you're saying that this is happening with guys who you know are interested in you, then, be a little Socratic for a moment and think what else could be going on?

    He's interested in me, check!

    Okay? Is that it?

    Is that all that dating is?

    He's interested in me, period - now continue to date and invest in our time and relationship together until "I" decide that I'm also interested in you, and at that point, eventually marry me?

    No. Men are people too.

    Shocking, I know, but according to medical science - it's true.

    Let's phrase it another way. Let's pretend you start talking to a guy you're really interested in, and you're not really seeing or feeling like HE is interested in YOU. Or, you can tell that he's "somewhat" interested, but he's not STRONGLY interested in you, or that interest is NOT STRONG ENOUGH.

    Is that really who you want to be in a relationship with?

    Do you really want to have a relationship where YOU are strongly interested in HIM, but HE is NOT STRONGLY INTERESTED in YOU?

    That's hopefully a rhetorical question, the answer to which is, "No."

    Okay, why do you think men are any different?

    And, if they're not any different, then "How many dates does it" take until a man executes a STOP LOSS order? The most critical moment for a pilot is during "take-off." If it takes you 2 minutes to go 380mph, you're going to end up in the river (not in the air). If the emotional interest is not very strong, then men conclude that this is not a relationship worth getting into. So, what's the point of investing any further in it? Just for the sex? No thank you. So, they cut their losses and move on to a new opportunity to find what they're looking for - maybe there's an equally attractive girl out there who DOES feel STRONGLY INTERESTED in him. If that's not you, that's okay - no hard feelings - but that doesn't mean he's going to continue wasting his time and money with a relationship he knows will either not work out or one he knows he will not be happy in.

    3-4 days is "just enough" time to see whether a girl is STRONGLY INTERESTED. If she needs more than 3-4 dates, then that "spark" is not really there - there's a real risk that her interest may be genuine, but her STRONG interest may not be.

    So, something you're doing is sending that message to guys. You have to figure out what it is.


Most Helpful Girl

  • they lose interest.


Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • 1-3 dates is when you get to know someone. At one point they are deciding they don't want to know more about you. It happens with everyone that's why people date you just go one to the next till you click.

    • Ok I forgot to give more detail about this. I actually had gone out with him 6 times, 3 last year and then he kept persuing me but I decided to date someone else. Then a year later we started chatting again and went on three more dates. So i though by now its been about 6-7 dates he should know enough before beginning a thing whether he liked me enough. The only thing I can think of is i might have scared him away because I tried to introduce him to my friends too early?

    • Show All
    • Ok I dont know I texted him yesterday a funny video and he replied instantly. then he didint make too much convo so I asked him if he didin't want to talk to me. He said he does but he owns his own business and he said this one project he's trying to finish is going badly some of his employees didint show up yesterday. I get that and all and maybe he truly is stressed out but I don't know

    • Yeah i mean just give him some space. Text him here and there but if he doesn't reply just leave it and let him do it. Once his mind is clear i bet you will get together again for another date.

  • Because they haven't gotten access to your pants yet. Usually after 3-4 dates that usually happens already, so if it doesn't move on to another one

    • K it makes no sense one guy is saying you gave it up too soon and now you are saying I didint give it up easy enough which one is it?

    • I'm just saying that most man are like that; they would go on up to 3 dates or so and if they don't sleep with you then, they give up and move on to a new one. Not all man are like that, but in your case, that's what it looks like since reading from one of your comments " I did sleep with him ok the third date..." he got what he wanted and basically is done with you. I do hope you find a guy that you deserve and not some jackass asshole guy who's only after one thing; using you.

  • If he got sex then he pulls back because he got what he wanted or if he didn't get sex he probably expected it faster

    • So all men ever. want is sex? Then what is he gonna come back for more?

    • Some men will some won't I really can't guess that and yes men mostly want sex

  • those men are just playing the game

  • Do you start talking about marriage and babies before you even have had sex? Do you have crazy eyes? Do you check his messages and stalk him? Do your drop the L word prematurely? Have you a jealous ex thats telling them you have an STD or threatening potential boyfriend's?

    • None of the above. In fact I show men interest but just enough I did sleep with him ok the third date. I even asked him om the third date anf planned thw whole thing. I just don't get it.

    • You gave it up to easy

  • Do you put out on date 2 or 3

    • Yeah and the last time I saw him he met my friends. Then he texted me two days later asking me what I was up to that weekend more specifically sat night. I invited him out to a casual thing at my friends. Then i didint hear from him from Sunday to wed. So I sent him a short video clip on youtube. He answered but didint make mcuh more convo. Its been a week since our last meetup and he has not asked me out again. Although he has never been much of a texter I'm just confused. Am I imagining this? Maybe everything is alright in his mind.

What Girls Said 1

Recommended myTakes