How do I reduce my interaction with her?

There is this woman who had rejected me several years back, because I was apparently not up to her standards in terms of looks. I was hurt badly, and also told her that I can't interact with her again until I get over her. This 'getting over' part surprisingly happened soon, and we began interacting again. But in recent times, we have been interacting way too much. Texting a lot, speaking over the phone for several hours, and even meeting in person occasionally. Now she has a boyfriend, and I'm scared that too much interaction with her just might rekindle my feelings towards her (although it hasn't happened yet).

I seriously have no future with her, whether she has a boyfriend or not, because she gives too much importance to looks and I'm way below her league in the looks department. Not blaming her or being bitter, because people have their own preferences and expectations from a partner. But I just want to find a way to distance myself from her without coming off as rude or insensitive. Please help.

P. S. I have been single during the course of whatever I described above. Have been single for 4 years now.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Date other women. If you do this alone, it will almost immune you from falling for her, but you have to really be genuinely interested in meeting and connecting with other women.

    most importantly, Don't respond to her promptly as if you were BFFs. You sound like you're kinda doing this right now.

    So... Don't make her a priority whatsoever. Here's how:
    Prioritize at least three different things on top of her current status in your life. Basically, drop her status three notches. At least! That way, you'll respond to her "when you have the time".. And get to honestly tell her you were busy with X, Y, or Z. And you genuinely will know that you were in fact busy. And Yay for you!

    My suggestion is you can take a hobby you already have more seriously. Try a new one on a weekly basis. Make time for your buddies, go out of your way to contact them to hang out.
    Better yet, start working out moderately too. Clean your place or closet. Get all your chores done or anything else you've been putting off.

    Oh, and date other women!

    Point is, keep yourself busy with things that interest you, matter to you, or are good for you. They can be fun, they can be new and a little nerve racking, or things that are boring but must to be done. Heck, if you have no idea and are drawing blank, then just make up new goals to improve /challenge yourself with.

    And don't forget: date other women.

    Not only will you feel more self respect, you'll also get more respect too, from other people, especially women, and even her. Don't be surprised if she starts acting desperate or whiny when you begin this awesome change. Don't fall for it unless she Breaks up with her boyfriend.

    If you want more support with this, let me know.

    In the meantime, have fun regaining your autonomy and enhancing your confidence :)

    • Wow! I have no words to describe how immensely grateful I am, since you took time out to provide such a detailed and well thought out response!

      Just a small problem there. You said 'date other women' several times, making it seem it's easy. But it's not, especially for men. Since we men are 'expected' to always approach women, our chances of acceptance are very low. Especially for men who aren't 'special' in some way. I don't think I have it in me to eligible for women to consider me as a potential partner or date.

      Besides, I don't really know WHERE to meet women. I don't drink, so nightclubs aren't my thing. And I'm pretty sure that walking up to random women in public places would creep them out.

    • Aw :) I'm glad I could help you that much. And thank you for MHO.

      I'd love to help you with dating as well. Me repeating that you should start dating was not an attempt to make it sound like it was easy. My apologies if it came across that way. I am simply emphasizing the importance of dating others in regaining your confidence and giving yourself an honest chance at a fulfilling relationship.

      I'd be happy to PM with you if you want. But I'll suggest you read some Evan Marc Katz. He writes relationship advice for women mostly, but he also helps men (which is a good sign he is a wholesome person helping other good people find a good relationship). He's helped guys and women with setting up their online profile for dating success so he can help you for a certain price. If we message and I can help you though, I'd do it for free. It doesn't matter how ugly or worthless you think you are now, because it's a lie. All you need is to see your own inherent value as a human being.

    • Thanks a lot, again! I'll PM you now. Will check out Evan Katz too, later on.

Most Helpful Guy

  • What has worked for me is to put up an internal wall and set some boundaries for myself.

    It is ok to interact in a kind cordial way, which will settle the 'rude or insensitive' part. The wall or filter you set for yourself will be prepared for any 'feelings' that may be generated by the interaction and it won't let them through. If that happens, reposition your boundary with her.

    Have a statement prepared that you will tell yourself if you find yourself with an uncomfortable 'feeling' despite the precautions, so that the feeling will be washed under the bridge.

    • Could you suggest a suitable 'statement'? Your advice looks very sound!

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • i think all you can do is avoid her

    • But how?

    • pretend you didn't saw her

    • Not that easy. I mean... I had completely gotten over here. Just that interacting too much carries the risk of getting back feeling s as well. Wouldn't want this to happen.

What Guys Said 1

  • Sounds like you are still emotionally attached to this gal. She is a priority to you and it sounds like you are an option to her. Walk away.

    • No, I don't think I'm emotionally attached to her. I just want to prevent it from happening.
      And I'm not even an option to her. She has made it clear. She has a boyfriend who is right up there with her in terms of looks.

    • If you are not emotionally attached to her then I do not understand your point. She should just be another person to you. Why are you spending your time fussing over this if she is just another person? Are you being honest with yourself?

    • To be honest, I am confused. Like I said, after she rejected me (this was 2 years back), I had completely cut ties with her until I could see her as just another person. Only them did I interact with her again. Also, I never felt any 'threat' until it was just some random, occasional talks. Now, since we interact way too much, I just have a hunch that the feelings may return.
      I suppose the best thing to do, would be to tell her that I risk developing feelings for her, and since she can never reciprocate them, and also that she has someone else in her life now, it would be better for me to gracefully exit t her life, once and for all.

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