So... she used to sleep around a lot... but now she wants to wait with me... what?

I met this cashier she's cute so I asked her out after I got to know her better. I always see her when I drop by the local safeway and we sort of hit it off. After a few dates, we got intimate and she stopped me. I asked what I did wrong and she said that "she had a bad history with men that she really likes me but she wants to wait." She'll do this... like get really into the moment then from 100-0 slam the breaks and i'm just left... hanging.

I'm okay with waiting... because I guess.. it be wrong to pressure a woman for sex (i'm not one of those guys). We really just date and make out. But, I... don't want to be some sort of experiment. I don't get it... I mean... not to sound mean but I like her obviously care about her... But its a weird catch 22. "I used to sleep around a lot and have sex very easily... but not with you."(whats my version of what she said) Makes me feel... like I'm not sexually attractive as those other guys... I don't know. Says she really wants to but she wants to wait...

I don't really know how to go about it. I like her. I'm not really sure if its even an emotional red flag or anything. She has free range of her own body, I don't pressure her. I'm not really sure what she wants, like some sort of show of commitment? I'm not even upset or angry its just awkward when I think about it.

In my defense i'm not a push over, not like she's hanging sex like a carrot over my head. Part of me wants to move on because... well seems like... she's trying to see if i'm "the one." After she's... slept around a lot. The other part of me says i'm better than to think that low of her. We've been spending quite some time together, beyond... reason to where it has me wondering... what's her end game?

Feels... like if i just cut and run i'd be confirming her doubts. But if I stay did... I just get the short end of the stick?


Most Helpful Girl

  • She obviously felt devalued by her past sexual experiences and wants to make sure that what you have isn't purely physical. She's probably in a really vulnerable place and she needs you to assure her that you appreciate her and are with her for more than just sex.
    If she wants to go slow that's her right. So what if she's had a lot of sexual partners in the past, that's her past and you don't really have the right to hold that against her. I understand that you're not pressuring her but if she were a virgin would you feel like you were getting the short end of the stick for waiting?

    • ... well if she was a virgin than no because she would probably valued sex higher. But she slept around a lot and I like her even care about her. She devalued sex to a point it became a routine and that's why i'm having a mental conflict... how it was just simple for other guys and... I don't get any. It's... not a happy thought I like to entertain because its a negative one. But I have to be honest with myself.

    • It sounds like she's really trying to start over. If in the past she had meaningless sex and felt used afterwards she's probably got a pretty low opinion of sexual relationships. She might be trying to change what sex means for her, she's might also be afraid of falling back into that cycle and that person she was because she associates sex with that negativity.
      You're saying it yourself, sex was devalued and became routine. You're obviously not routine to her. In a way she kind of is like a virgin, because she's never had fulfilling, MEANINGFUL sex with YOU. Is it wrong for her to be anxious?

Most Helpful Guy

  • Well she might have genuine intentions and really want you for you and not for sex so she's trying to not make the same mistakes.

    That or it's a typical, "Fuck the alphas, buck the betas" type of thing where she sees you as someone to ''stay together'' with for a little bit longer than one night. Maybe have you pay for a date or two.

    • That's my internal struggle. I'm not an alpha because i'm not a douche and i'm not a beta because i'm not a push over. So i'm not in that mold.

    • I get how you feel. I wouldn't define myself as either myself. But if I was you, I wouldn't want to date her based on the fact that she has slept around. But whatever choice you make, good luck, dude.

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What Girls Said 1

  • she maybe just wants to change her hoe-ways. also, guys tend to use girls for sex a lot and let them down after they got the pussy, so i guess she is testing your will.

    • ugh... so wrong. Especially after telling me that... feels like. I'm not good enough for her like the other guys were.

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    • You are end 20s and you still got the mindset of a 19year old! How is it better to be seen as a fuckboy whos just a dick and nothing more rather than somebody whom you can imagine something serious with? Smn

    • Ugh... this sucks being tested because of her past...

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