How do you feel about dating / matchmaking sites?

I'm just curious about your opinion on relationship sites like eharmony,, etc. How do you feel about it? Would you ever use one? Have you used one? What were your experiences? Would you ever encourage/discourage someone to use a website?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think no matter how creative the marketing departments of such sites (or even speed-dating events, etc) get; there will always be a social stigma associated with them.

    Guys and girls know that such places have the effect of attracting and filtering "IN":

    - Women who nobody else wants

    - Women with past failed relationships

    - Women with emotional and/or psychological problems

    - Women looking to get married before they get too old and nobody wants them

    - Men who are dating losers (unattractive, broke, lazy, jerks, etc)

    - Men who are just looking to hook up or have sex

    - Men with emotional and/or psychological problems

    - Men who are divorced, and too busy with kids and/or work to have time to date (or a relationship for that matter)

    I guess when you look at it this way, there's really no difference at all b/w such sites compared to let's say:

    - A club

    - A bar

    - Any other social gathering serving as an excuse to interact with the opposite sex (or same sex)

    After all, if you really sit there and think about it, and really analyze and dissect the living sh*t out of "WHY" we're motivated to:

    - dress up

    - look good

    - go out

    - be social

    - go to parties

    - go dancing

    - etc..

    It's our unconscious mind trying to expose us to the positive risk of meeting a suitable mating & life partner; and our sub-conscious and conscious mind kicking in and saying; "yeah, but I don't want to actually APPEAR or LOOK as if I'm LOOKING. I always want to have the safety and security of going back to some excuse; like"

    - I don't dress up for attention or to attract the opposite sex, I dress up for me!

    - I don't work out to be more sexually desirable to the opposite sex, I'm an athlete, trying to stay healthy, have body dimorphic disorder, and/or narcissistic personality disorder!

    - I just want to go dancing and have fun! But those nuns or all-girl dance studios (you know, like the 100,000 located across the country, because they're so popular) are just not as fun as the ones with guys there.. But I'm just there to dance and have fun! I swear!

    We get it. People want to hold onto some excuse, that makes sense, is appropriate, believable, and they can use to justify their actions and deny/mask their real motivations for their behavior.

    So when people come into an environment where they SURRENDER that excuse; naturally, a very appropriate question pops up that the marketing departments for sites like have yet to give a good answer to:

    - Why would you be willing to SURRENDER that excuse on here, instead of go to an other environment that still allows you to pretend you're not actively looking for a mate & life partner?

    When any one of these sites or events discovers an appropriate answer to that; then such environments will actually be the perfect, most optimal and time-efficient way of meeting potential mates & life-partners.

    Till then, bars, clubs, weddings, parties, events, etc.. are still open for business.


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What Guys Said 2

  • OK I think jdcpa works for one of those dating sites. I don't know. May not. Whatever float anybody's boat.

    I tried it before and my impression is that the dating sites are too technical to the point that everything is backwards. You see, going to dating sites is no different from going to a grocery store picking up fruits or piece of meat for tonight's dinner. Really! You go there with a set of criteria and try to find a "match" to such criteria. Much like how you browse through the meat depaertment in your grocery store. You know you want to make a roast so you pick the right piece of meat with the right amount of glazing, size and price that suits you. That's how it boils down to the dating sites. The thing is, what comes naturally, you will meet someone and DISCOVER that what he/she has is really interest you. Something that you would have never thought of you would like in a million years. A good example is some dude that I met when I went to college. He swore that he would exclusively date girls with big boobs. That's it! That's his only criterium. Had he went to the dating sites, he would have filterred all of the flat chested girls. The thing is, this dude ended up with the flattest chested girl I have ever seen! OK so she used him to help her to graduate but that's a different story. The point is, in a natural dating scene, you bound to discover a lot about yourself as much as your interest. If that makes any sense.

  • I think it takes all the fun out of dating and meeting people. I want to meet people and get to know them and see how well things go, I don't wanna be told who my match is or who I should be dating based on my likes/dislikes etc.

    Plus there's always an inexplainable part of dating, people date and fall for people who are their total opposite or who you wouldn't match on paper in a million years yet they have a bond that's incredible. How can a website work that out? ;)


What Girls Said 3

  • It's really weird, but I'm usually very uncomfortable when thinking about the idea of meeting potential boyfriends/girlfriends through a website! I can't seem to take these websites seriously. I think that many can agree that most of those websites house desperate old men, or lonely insecure women. I can't say it's the same for all the websites and I CAN'T say that the only members are said men and women, but I don't think I would ever use a website. I think love comes to you, and even if you have to do something to get there, surely communicating through the internet to find your "soul mate" is not the right move.

  • I agree with the last post mostly. I feel "looking" for love is not the best way to go about it. It is a way to go about it for sure, but just does not seem genuine. Plus, it is even harder to judge someone over the Internet than in person at a bar (yet another place I feel is not quite the right place to meet someone).

    My ex is on POF, and he claims he is on it because he has no time to meet anyone because his work schedule is so hectic. Fair enough, but he says he has no time for a girlfriend (hence me being an ex) so why would he be on POF as MSF for Dating? There are options for talking or hanging out. His work schedule is bad, but why would someone want to set themselves up for having to dump someone else?

    He met his ex before me on eHarmony. They did NOT click at all physically nor emotionally. Then he met me and we met through mutal friends that we have had for years yet our paths never crossed. It was genuine, fun, REAL and NORMAL until timing got the best of everything then I went all insecure because I knew I was loosing him to... him. Now him being on POF seems confusing and silly. He is just not ready.

    This is why I say yes, I see all sides of dating sites, but I would say most people are too desperate on these sites or only want bits and pieces of a relationship. There is a reason these people are on those sites... reasons I would rather stay away from... most of the men either just want sex, or are emotionally unavaliable... even though they think they are not... THEN WHY ARE YOU SINGLE?! The women are usually quite clingy and make the same "mistakes" time and time again, but are very attractive in their pictures... THEN WHY ARE YOU SINGLE?!

    My point exactly. I am single, attractive, successful, and a whole lot of fun, but I feel no need to "look" for my "soul mate" online. Timing. Timing. Timing.

  • I usually associate those sites with people who are so busy with life that they just don't have time to go out and meet people. But with everything online, it makes things easier,