Why do women say being a nice guy doesn't mean being a doormat?

Yet, whenever a nice guy sticks up for himself and refuses to be a doormat they call him an asshole? Also, as a note for the downvote brigade, I obviously don't mean all women.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Those kinds of girls basically want a sweet and shy guy who turns into an extremely confident alpha male whenever the slightest adversity arises.

    Obviously these kinds of guys don't exist. They're stuck chasing the "ideal" guy and ignore everyone else.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • A lot of guys that think they are nice aren't. Many "nice guys" just act like doormats, just act a certain way trying to impress a woman, it never works. They put up this act, then at some point "stick up for themselves", basically explode, showing their real colors. Those guys are assholes.

    Thing about your male friends. I'm sure you know some that are nice guys. They are genuine and real, say what's on their mind, don't act like robots. They tell you right away when something bothers them, they don't bottle it up. But if one was always nice, complimenting you, agreeing with you, pretending to like what you like, is that a nice guy?

    In my experience, most guys that claim they are nice and have a great personality are horrible, full of anger and frustration.

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What Girls Said 13

  • Not being a doormat simply involves knowing when and how to say "No" and not allowing people to use you. That has nothing to do with how nice of a person you are. You can be as sweet as pie and still not let people use you. There's nothing wrong with or not nice about saying No.

    A doormat thinks that saying No is mean. Thus they end up getting walked all over because if you give some people the opportunity they'll use you without thinking twice.

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  • A Doormat is like you walk all over them.img4.wikia.nocookie.net/.../...3881985-500-250.gif

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  • Depends on the women, and depends on how he's doing it.
    If you're refusing to be a doormat by calling every woman a bitch, then yes, you deserve to be called an asshole.

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  • cause you don't want a puppy but independent person that is nice and kind to you

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  • It's all about what you say when you refuse to be a 'doormat'.

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  • Because, sticking up for yourself entails: knowing how to use tact, having a set of standards others know to respect, diplomacy, and putting things in proper perspective. Being a doormat who "sticks up for themselves" usually means: bottling your anger until you explode, ranting about the ones who've wronged you, demanding a certain action for a favor you did for someone, and not having enough social awareness to know when to leave someone alone. This is usually done under the guise of you just being "nice" to a girl or "friendly". That's just an a**hole who doesn't have very good boundaries or confidence. If you go through life confident, perceptive, unassuming, and self-aware, you get respect from people. If you do these things already then it's probably the other person angered by you not giving into their demands lol.

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  • how is he sticking up for himself?

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  • alpha or doormat

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  • I like my guy to have an opinion of some kind... shouldnot be like listening to all i say... should have stand... if he like saying yes yes all the time... I get bored

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  • Maybe because he was an asshole

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  • All Generalities
    “We think in generalities, but we live in detail.” Alfred North Whitehead

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  • It's HOW they choose to stand up for themselves that matters.

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  • Girls that call males assholes for sticking up for him self when he should, is ridiculous and not worth being with! Most boys are worth more than that

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What Guys Said 26

  • Ehr.. "Nice guy" If I never hear that term again it will be too soon. Being a nice guy is not anything special, it's not hard to be, it doesn't merit any kind of reward or recognition. Just don't be a f*cking dick, that's all you have to do. Ta-daa!

    I know guys who think they are being a nice guy by:

    Saying that they like all the things the girl likes.
    Dislike all the things they dislike.
    Agree with their every opinion.
    Do whatever they want to do.
    Accept all criticism.
    Always apologise.

    That's not being nice, that being fake and a pushover, which won't lead anywhere. Sometimes a girl will say something provoking just to try to get the guy to stick up for himself. And when he does, he goes overboard and just insults her or he says something really passive like "Uhm, I don't think you're being really fair to me right now".

    I understand why some guys do it. They think that the girl will like them more and they're afraid of losing them. If anyone insults you, is unfair to you or puts you down, then casually tell them to go f*ck themselves (without being to serious about it). If somebody won't speak to you again after you said that, then they never really liked you that much to begin with.

    While I won't assume that you are exactly the same type as what I described, it's not a stretch to imagine that you can (from the way you phrased your question) somewhat relate to it. If you can't, then I have no idea why you asked the question and this was just my rant because I hear the term "nice guy".

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    • Incidentally your avatar is of the biggest douchebag boyfriend in television history.

  • "Yet, whenever a nice guy sticks up for himself and refuses to be a doormat they call him an asshole? "

    This is why it pays not to give a shit what women (or anybody) thinks.
    You are in the wrong no matter what you do. :D

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  • That just mean the people you hang out with need 3 more years to be sufficiently mature.

    Unless no one actually ever told you any of that, and you're just making it up based on what you've read on the internet. In that case, the upper rule applies to you instead, because that's just not how people work. This oversimplification is meaningless sexist propaganda based on gender stereotypes that people learn from popular culture..

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  • Doormat = having plans of your own and canceling them because you have to do something for someone while they go out and have fun instead

    Sarcastic asshole = *same situation to cancel your plans* lol you should be a comedian because you're so hilarious and I didn't know I have Welcome tatted on my forehead xD
    I'm more of this personally Lol

    Douche = nah fuck off slut

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  • Your skipping to the 2 extremes.

    Sticking up for something is good, but being too demanding is what turns you into an asshole. Dropping the topic at hand is best, and if anyone else continues to bring it up, they are the asshole.

    So be a nice guy, stand up against being a doormat, and if the girl is too demanding, dump her

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  • some people just don´t realize that they "use" others... and if they reject being used once, they only see what the guy changed. to them it appears as though you decided to bekome an asshole just because what you´ve been before seemed normal to them.

    also: could you make an example of what exactly you mean?

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    • Like, any post of guys that used to bend over backwards for women, but, after getting tired of being stepped onfor it decided to quit being so helpful and do their own thing, they usually get cursed out

    • i don´t agree with that, to be honest. my theory to this is: the guy who has been used as a dormat is now that he realized that he´s been stepped upon irritated and doesn´t want that anymore. probably he overdoes the "acting normal" and maybe tries to get revenge for his former treatment by actually being kind of a bit of an asshole xD i´ve seen that with a good friend of mine... he allways switched from one extreme to the other.

  • Lol the bitterness do things because your nice not as a gift expecting female attention in return. Some guys assume by being nice they can over come their shitty attitude/ looks est... being a "nice guy" doesn't correlate to being kind and caring.

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  • You can still stick for yourself without being a doormat. Never confuse confidence with arrogance, self-respect with egotism and courage with anger.

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  • It's like saying no, working in the Poppy fields for no wages at all doesn't make you a slave, so go back there and do that and if you complain I will hit you

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  • Everything depends on attitude. Women like confidence. Confidence is NOT expressed through forceful attempts at showing "you are not a doormat". You either are a doormat, or you are not.

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  • It's your looks. If you're average or ugly and you stand up for yourself against a better looking guy, even if you're not in the wrong, 99.999% of girls will NEVER take your side.

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  • Nice guys are doormats, doormats for people in power and realize their power like me to step on. For some reason, the women claim they try to go for the doormats. I cannot understand why.

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    • Tbh, you sound like a total dick, you're worse in my book

    • Sound like is they key phrase in that sentence. You know literally nothing about me, except for the fact that I have an account on this site and what my age is.

  • You are mixing several different things into one here.

    Strong, intelligent and kind people are desired. This applies to both men and women.

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  • Nice guy and u will get taken advantage of. Thats how u gonna finish last when they find sumone who treat them like... pigs 😂

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  • To be honest I don't think "nice guy" has ever had any particular set meaning, it's just that umbrella term some girls throw out there when there's just a certain trait or attribute a guy possesses that they don't like (or it could be multiple traits).

    You also need to remember that you can only pull off being a certain way if you're physically attractive or at least have an aura of "attractiveness" about you (it's hard to describe, but you can do it pretty well through voice). Nobody on the planet tolerates an ugly asshole. Same goes for someone who speaks like they've got autism, if you're HANDSOME and autistic, it doesn't matter.

    data.archive.moe/.../1441161328846.png

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  • Clearly these females and you disagree on the criteria for "being an asshole".

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  • I don't know but I'm an asshole

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  • Don't be a push over.

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  • What is a doormat?

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  • Whenever you do things that aren't what people want, they will use guilt triggers to try to control you. The more this works on you, the more people will do it. You're a jerk or an asshole if you don't do what she wants, a girl is a prude if she won't do one thing, a slut if she wants something he doesn't, etc.

    Reacting to these guilt triggers is being a doormat.

    Don't expect anyone to applaud when you trust your own decisions and don't bend to their will.

    Don't expect anyone to respect you if you do never do though.

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