I'm confused about her and my feelings, any ideas?

So, there's this girl I've been dating for a while now. I find her cute, intelligent, she looks good, however not overwhelmingly sexy and attractive. She is almost as tall as me - so not the kind I'm used to. I'm a bit torn because I don't feel what I want to feel - the feeling that I want to be crazy with her, to do anything in order to impress her, probably because I got her without any struggles. It's a bit strange since I had half a year of effort to get my now-ex earlier and I totally valued her, she made me crazy to get her. I don't mean this new girl is an easy wh*re or anything like that, she is really intelligent and clever, but it feels like I'm too good in her eyes, and it makes her value lower in my eyes. Very strange feeling. I don't know whether or not I could be happy with her in the long run, most probably yes, if I manage to come to my senses. I just don't know how. I know deep inside that she is valuable and a normal girl - probably too normal.

Any tips on how should I progress? I don't want to lose her, but currently I have too much expectations - for myself, to really get in the mood. These thoughts are really bad and I have them even when I'm with her, it makes her feel uneasy as well. She told me she doesn't love me yet which made me feel better. I'm very picky when it comes to girls and I know she might be worth it in the long run, but I would never hurt her feelings - this is the real burden on me, as I'm not 100% committed for her (yet). I feel like I've already overthought this whole matter and I shouldn't have. I'd like to change my mindset, cool down a bit and value her for what she is, but I don't know how...
Thanks for the answers so far. @melodybluesy, you are probably right that somehow I'm not ready for the whole thing. I think the problem is that it escalated too quickly as I got too excited in the beginning, then the whole thing got imbalanced as I felt overwhelmed by her interest and couldn't reciprocate it suddenly. I've told her earlier that I don't feel what I want to feel, then we have not talked for a while and I started to feel really bad and missed her much... I'm really clueless now.


Most Helpful Girl

  • The way I see it, you shouldn't feed the idea that this relationship is meant to be. It's one thing when someone really interests you with no effort involved and it's another thing when you need to make an effort, when there's a few aspects that you dislike and all you can think of is how you wish she was different. At this point, I'm pretty sure there's someone else out there who would better serve your expectations... you don't have to live frustrated with how this person is, because you have a choice. She is who she is. You need to stop and think for a moment: Am I with this girl because I really like her despite her "not so attractive traits", or am I with her because I feel like I need to be in a relationship right now (either for fear of being alone or something like that). I could be wrong though, this is just my opinion based on what you wrote. I hope you figure this out in the best way possible!


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What Girls Said 2

  • You don't seem like you're ready to love and be loved.

    • You're welcome. So you'd rather suffer and have hardship getting a girl rather than the process to be easy and calm?

    • Yes, I actually like a challenge. Back then I got my second girlfriend after half a year of courting. When I finally got her I really felt her value and didn't even look at other girls. Probably that's what I'm missing here. She is too much of a nice girl and no effort is needed to get her, thus our dates are a bit boring sometimes, but generally I really like her and know inside she is very valuable. I just want to go crazy for her or probably I'm in love with love itself. No idea.

    • Yeah mature love is a choice, I think. It sounds like u want those crazy lusty feelings that are pretty much only in the beginning stage.

  • I think you should move on, both of you. There is no future between you two. The reason is very simple you need some kind of "rush", "adrenaline" she is not providing you.

    You don't feel she is what you expected physically and mentally is not as challenging as the other people in your past.

    Make you a favor also to her, stop wasting time because in the long run you are going to hurt her. Probably you will find someone who is going to get attention because the girl you are dating now doesn't have it and maybe you do have her attention, she is going to suffer.

    Be the nice guy now, don't be an asshole later.


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