How do I get my confidence back and get rid of fear of long term commitment because of cheating insecurities?

I've met a very cool awesome woman. But I work a lot I keep telling her in paying studen loans off and I have to work for another year on an oil platform I work 3-1s I'm home one week a month. I really want to be with her but I know that I'm away too much for it to work out for a year til I pay off loans of 23k. I'm not being selfish I want my debt off my back. I keep telling her that I'm afraid she'll be lonely and mess up. I keep telling her it's not a good idea to commit because it will just make it harder while away.
While at work I did the mistake of looking up reddit divorce and break up stories which have made me very paranoid hearing other guys tales of deceit an heart break and anguish. How do I get over this? I've read that if I'm not around enough loving and giving tons of attention and giving a lot of time to show I love her it leads to infadelity. I keep telling her that being a couple is a bad idea right now (even though I want to) but she keeps saying she wants to no matter what.
how do I get over this insecurities of her maybe cheating or leaving me because I'm away. Or am I being prudent by saying it's not a good time?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Try being gone for 9.5 months on deployment. Anyway, if you want to walk down the path of relationships, you have to take a leap of faith at some point. You have to trust that your judgment is good in choosing the right partner. every individual is a little different. While it's a good idea to heed the warnings of others and protect yourself from complete harm, you'll just be alone. Can you e-mail each other while you are away? It is possible to spend 3 or 4 days with her while you are home. The interesting thing is that the time away will either break up weak relationships, but it will make strong ones even stronger.

    • Yeah I can do all that I have wifi (no cell) on the platform. I've read too much about guys coming back from deployment... with pregnant girl friends/wife's it's a scary thought.

    • If you can connect with her through e-mail or facebook, your relationship will develop with a deeper bond other than a physical one.

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  • Dude u can live your life that risk averse. Everything worthwhile requires some risk.

  • You have to realize that bad things happen and cope with it in life and continue pressing on. Things will get better as long as you try.


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