Is he interested in me or the sex?

Around 2 months ago, I started spending time with a guy I met through mutual friends. It has since turned into a sexual relationship, a lot like we're friends with benefits. However lately he has been telling me that he really likes me and could even see himself falling for me, but he constantly refers to us as friends with benefits. He has said in the past that he doesn't want a relationship because he's be hurt a lot in the past, and I'm okay with it not progressing to anything more that it is right now, but he's giving me mixed signals and that's frustrating me. Yesterday, my ex made some comments on my fb and he saw them and told me it made him really jealous and that he needed some space and time to think and I haven't heard from him since. I just have no idea what's going through his head about he and I. Is he just saying he likes me to keep me around for the sex? Or does he genuinely have some feelings?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, what @Isamara typed was pretty good advice.

    Here's the thing: if the dude's running due to some Facebook messages, then he's not worth the trouble because he's clearly hinting at some personal insecurity issues that he isn't telling you about and thus, you can do nothing to change. Perhaps it might be different if he was willing to open up, but the guy consistently refers to you both as "friends with benefits," a verbal affirmation of distance.

    Slightly off-topic advice: Never be a friend with benefits. Casual sex is fine, so long as its understood that it will always be thus and never anything more/closer. Why? Because sex changes a relationship, whether you think it does or otherwise. You cross a line into a level of physical intimacy that releases hormones in both partners, all of which affect the brain and create feelings of "closeness" and "togetherness". If a partner doesn't want to cross the gap they've put up after 2 months of a relationship, best to let them go.

    And this applies for both genders.


Most Helpful Girl

  • The real question is, do you see yourself dating this man in the future?
    If the answer is yes, you should be concerned. He said he was hurt by someone in the past but it's been two months already. Long enough for him to get to know you. Did you ever gave him a reason to not trust you? Did you cheated on your ex?
    These "mixed signals" he's throwing your way might mean that he's afraid of commitment. But hun, if he keeps referring you as his "friend with benefits" he doesn't have the right to be jealous of nothing and you SHOULDN'T feel bad about it. Make him decide. If he likes you he will come around. If not, he is just using you for sex. You are young. Don't waste your time in vain.


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What Guys Said 1

  • I am sure its sex which is why he is with you


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