Is he being honest or does this sound like the classic excuse?

I was dating a guy for 3 months who made me feel giddy and girly bc he was so affectionate and sweet and quite a respectful gentlemen I might add. i did notice some distance but thought it was just a transition from the honeymoon period. We still talked daily just not as much, which is fine with me. He then comes up with this “I don’t know how to have feelings for someone. I don’t understand myself. I’m emotionally closed off” crap. I say to him “well u weren’t emotionally closed off when we 1st met all the way up until a few weeks ago” (I didn’t say it in an accusatory way). He said that he likes me but he needs space to figure out if he’s able to take on a relationship. Ok that’s fine. IF he's being honest. I know In some instances this is needed for a guy to figure out if he likes you enough to continue. But to say he’s basically emotionally unavailable and he doesn’t know how to feel for someone when he was nothing but affectionate and sweet to me makes no sense. Was he just on auto pilot but not really feeling his actions. He didn’t woo me with many words But his actions said everything. He said his ex girlfriend said he seems like he doesn’t care but that’s just the way he is. Well he seemed to care for the first few months so I’m not really buying it. Am I wrong?

  • Honest
    Vote A
  • BS
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are upset because he may be closing down on the relationship. If he is hiding some info from you, it would be only info which he prefers not to talk about with you. Either he is losing interest or is consider his ex again or someone new. The best way to turn that around, if that is what you want, is to let him spend some time to decide what he wants. You could tell him that until he figures that out, intimacy is out. Thinking that he feeding you a line and reacting to him like you don't believe him really doesn't help you at all. It would push him away. If you have a guy that actually responds to your strong stance and he caves, then he would be a very passive type where you become dominant. He might be that. He is acting like one. If that is the type of relationship you want, that's what you would get if you confront him. If he is not that type and is more a dominant guy, he would drop you. So, is that what you want?

    So, if you want a stronger guy type, arguing with him probably won't help. If you like being dominant and want a more submissive guy confronting him would show if he will be that way. If you prefer to have boyfriend where you both feel more equal, giving him space to figure it out is best.

    Hope that helps.

    • Thank you. I am a very calm, zen person I do not argue with anyone lol

      I am actually pretty happy the way that I handled things. I told him that I hope he finds his happy place but I want and deserve someone who is emotionally available and left it at that. He didn’t say anything he just said that I’m the perfect girl and he doesn’t want to ruin it like he has ruined every other relationship. I’m not going to kick a person when they’re down so I told him that maybe taking a mini vacation with his friends/family, painting (his hobby) or exercising may help a little. I also told him he could call me if he was down. I truly meant that.

      He then later told me he took time off work to spend with friends and family to clear his head. I didn’t think it was that serious but he was annoyed with work too. I told him that I hope he enjoys himself and finds his happy. I will not leave him alone. Haven't talked to him since. That was Monday and he left to see his family today.

    • Show All
    • He's 32. and I didn't react like I didn't believe him I told him I understood and would be there if he ever wanted to talk (because he is down about work too). I was calm the whole time. He then told me I was amazing and then I came here and vented haha

    • Oh and no I definitely won't be intimate during this time. I'm not even going to contact him. I'm going to give him his space and if he doesn't "come back" so be it.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe he is being honest but over time, either his feelings have changed , or he realized he has to deal with any issues he has before becoming too emotionally attached to you. Or it could be that he was becoming too emotionally attached to you , but it scares him for reasons only known to him . So he has tried to hold back his emotions.

    Personally, i would give him the benefit of the doubt. Talk to him , but still give him the space that he needs right now. I think he is being honest with you. Even if i am wrong and he is letting you down gently, that is much better than fake promises.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Guys have to be in control of themselves 24/7 on dates, depending on the girl. It sounds like he couldn't relax around you. That would be my guess if any.

    • Actually he said the opposite. He said he likes me bc I was always cool, never "nagged" and am always in a good mood and can handle honesty. So being that he thinks of me in that way I thought there may be a chance of it being the honest truth. But I wanted an outside opinion. He said I am an amazing girl and he's scared he's going to eff it up like he did all his other relationships bc he is so 'robotic with his emotions".

      But yea... still could be BS lol

    • Then it must be too early to tell. It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me just something to keep in mind:]

What Girls Said 1

  • BS but probably with a hint of honesty. He probably was having a 'trial peroid' of the relationship but now he's either got bored, seeks excitement or just doesn't see a future. I'd steer clear from him, he sounds like trouble.

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