Should men play the 'numbers game' to get dates?

I keep hearing that unless a man is good looking he needs to play the 'numbers game' to get a woman to date. He needs to keep asking women out, until the 10th, 50th or 100th woman eventually says that elusive 'yes' to go out with him.

What if a man does not want to play this idiotic numbers game? What if he just longs for a 'normal' life, with a woman whom he loves, and he loves him back? Is there no way to 'bypass' this numbers game, if he isn't blessed with extreme good looks (although he is a 6 or 7 out of 10 in terms of looks)?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I have a guy friend who used to go into the bars and ask every single girl in the space out or at least to "make out". He's happily married now.

    • So that means, he too had to play this numbers game before he finally found the woman he wanted to marry. Isn't it so damn draining to keep asking women out like that, considering multiple rejections can deal a significant blow to the man's self esteem?

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    • A really thick-skinned guy! I wish I could be like him. :(

    • Make it a game in your head. Always be respectful to the girls. I hate to say it because he's just a friend but I actually got attracted to a guy facing that much rejection and not being phased by it

Most Helpful Guy

  • Stop "fighting" the uncomfortable and emotional distressing reality that "nothing in life is free." The women (or "woman") that a man actually wants are not just going to also want him simply because he's a "nice guy." That's an early childhood belief that's appealing to young children who want to feel good and avoid feeling bad. It's much easier for a child to want to accept and believe that "the world and people are altruistic, generous, loving, caring, kind, etc.," and very painful and distressing for a child to consider that "the world and people are self-interested, self-centered, opportunistic, and consider what other people want only to the extent that it will help them get what they want."

    If you don't have looks, then you're not getting a girl hot and bothered and making her feel good internally emotionally and physically. If you don't have money and power, then you're not giving the girl the pleasure of narcissistic identification and making her feel good internally emotionally and "socially" (i. e., in relation to other women, in a competitive and self-gratifying way; "look at how rich my husband is; look at all the nice places I travel to; look at all the nice stuff I have; look at how much I'm enjoying my life; look at how much he takes care of me" ... "look at how special and valuable and worth it I am as a woman").

    So, what do you really have to "offer" the woman who will make you feel good both physically and emotionally, and socially (i. e., in relation to other men, in a competitive and self-gratifying way; "look at how hot the girl on my arm is" ... "look at how special and valuable and worth it I am as a man"). Granted, that last part is not as important to men, but you better be aware of how important it is to women.

    If a man has a lot of value to offer, women will see it, and they'll flock to make offers to him (because they recognize what he has, and they want it, and they know other women will try to monopolize him and lock-up that value to themselves unless she seizes the opportunity while it's still available).

    For men without that value to offer, if he doesn't mind being "single" or "settling for less," then his best shot at finding a female he's happy with will be by "playing the numbers." It's frustrating, isn't it? Whether that or working hard in school, at work, or at the gym is "more" frustrating... that's a choice each guy has to make... depending on what they want out of life.

    But nothing in life is free.

    • Very valid and insightful answer, but I don't get why you brought up this 'nice guy' thing. I never claimed that.

      Anyway, I suppose it just doesn't work that way for me. I just CAN'T play this numbers game, and I also happen to be among the worst looking men on Earth. Maybe I need to get myself castrated, so that I don't feel attracted to women any more.

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    • Why can't you play the numbers game? What is stopping you?

    • @Metlahaed

      Because I don't have a 'pool' of enough women to keep asking out. I just don't know WHERE I can find single women to approach.

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 7

  • Much like how a woman is probably going to have to turn down a bunch of guys before one approaches her that appeals to her, yeah, you are going to have to play the numbers game to an extent, because you obviously can't just have whatever girl you want.

    Not putting all your eggs in one basket is a basic life concept that everyone learns. From men/woman to schools to jobs to houses and just about everything in between. It's generally not a good idea to concentrate all your efforts on one particular thing, or you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

    If it's taking a number approaching 50 to get a girl to say yes, then it's probably time for that guy to reevaluate himself and figure out what he may need to improve upon before trying again.

    • It's not like I would 'want' a woman way above my league. I would be fine with ANY woman, as long as I can get a 'yes' within 10 attempts or so.

      And why are women sop damn picky, and so difficult to please? Why do they behave like they are doing us a 'favour' by agreeing to go out with us 9IF they agree, that is)?

  • The “numbers” “game” is basically finding someone else who reciprocates your attraction. What’s so weird about that?

    • The 'weird' thing is, women have it so damn easy and only men need to 'work' for getting a date, although a relationships affects both men and women equally (in positive or negative ways).

  • Fuck ya we should! Each girl is an iteration in a machine known as "The Dating Game".

    The more iterations, the more likely you will get a favorable occurrence.

    If you want something go get it!

    • Not really interested in playing games, because I happen to be among the worst looking men on the planet. Perhaps I should consider castration, so that I don't feel attracted to women any more.

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    • That's ur issue right there, you approached ONE female in five years? Two women a decade? :-P

      You gotta stop being so risk averse, and ask out more women. Initially talk to her, flirt a bit, get her contact info. THEN ask her out.

      Guys that are successful with women approach several women a week, hell some approach several women a day (but that's not very realistic).

    • I'm not being risk-averse. I don't drink and hence don't visit nightclubs, so I don't know WHERE I can meet 'single' women (because I do happen to come across plenty of taken/married women). I seem to be lost on proper channels to meet women. And I obviously have ZERO faith in online dating. Not something I would prefer, especially since it hasn't worked for me in the past.

  • 75% of women will think you're just 'okay.'
    20% of women will think you're an ass.
    5% of women will think you're the shit.

    Is being rejected hundreds of times worth finding the most amazing women in your life?

    • Yes, it is worth finding the most amazing woman, but the same time, it is not worth losing my self respect, dignity, and self esteem during the process, since I am already universally unattractive.

    • A man being physically/sexually "attractive" is not the be-all-end-all in life.

      I once met a SWAT sniper at the gym. This guy was ripped as shit, and I'm not even going to get into how much of a beast this guy was in terms of what he could do with his body. Specialized military training, covert ops. I was looking at the fucking dream of the life I only wish I could have lived, meanwhile, this SWAT sniper gig was just a step before retirement for this guy.

      If you looked at his face, this guy was far from easy on the eyes. Asymmetrical facial features, fucked up teeth, his face almost looked deformed. He was balding, and he was only 5'11". But as far as all guys were concerned, he was the man.

      Point is, don't use your self-pity about your looks as a crutch to lean on for the rest of your life. Make an effort, not an excuse. There are more meaningful ways to be valuable as a man than simply the way you look.

  • There is no online site that you can visit to order a perfect mate. Finding The One is the reward for persevering. "You gotta pay the dues if you wanna sing the blues and you know it don't come easy!" (Ringo Starr)

  • I feel like the only ways to bypass the numbers game are either to be a "bad boy" or, if you don't want that, then you have to be genuinely interesting and/or at least have your life together.

    I've seen "bad boys" get good women, even though they weren't good looking themselves, had nothing that special going on beyond having a job, tattoos and a "rebel" attitude, and no ambition to speak of beyond getting drunk and high.

    But I hate all that bullshit. I think the only way to beat these showy scumbags is to be more interesting, have stuff going on like interests and hobbies/passions, read a lot, be knowledgeable about something, and have some stability in life (job/money). This is the way I am going to try, since I refuse to be the other way.

    • My problem is that there simply aren't a lot of women that appeal to me, so once I have run out of those options, I am fucked. It's hard to keep motivating myself towards something that seems so unlikely, but the fact is, it's the only way I'll be happy. I won't settle for less, fuck that.

    • I used to believe in the 'bad boys' thing, but not anymore. It's like these guys have the 'game' to get dates.

    • Eh, I don't know. I've witnessed it. The most attractive women I've ever met all wound up with either egomaniacs or tattooed tough guys. It's really angering to watch, because these guys aren't rockstars or pro athletes or jet-set entrepreneurs or anything that really outclasses any other man. There's one guy I saw that while he may not be a criminal he's also just not that spectacular of a guy and I don't think he's better than I could ever be. And another who is a grade-A, bona fide mentally unstable, hard-drug using, criminal piece of shit - not to mention ugly. No way in hell he's better than me.

      But look at TV and the movies. These guys get an advantage because society says that tattoos and drugs and crime is "cool". Hollywood likes to glorify rebellion, no matter how dumb or trashy it is. So their image, with the blessing of Hollywood, gives them an advantage with women for doing essentially nothing.

      But I think being truly interesting could beat their image.

  • Online dating is one way of bypassing it or through friends or co workers if possible first

    • Go on the Internet and look up David Deangelo, he has all kinds of tricks in getting women