He can't talk to me but he can talk to his ex?

I have been dating this guy for about 6 months, things got a little rough last month and we took a break. He had never been very talkative about when he was sad. He said it made things worse. well i found out that he had been talking to his ex about what was wrong. This bothered me and i told him to stop. After our break we got back together and he seemed happy. Today he got sad though, i noticed that he was texting someone but i didn't ask who because i didn't want to seem nosy. I am pretty sure it is his ex. i know he cares about me though because even after barely talking to me he still reached for my hand to hold on the way back from lunch. I never know what to do when he is like this, and i want to know... should i let him talk to his ex or should i make him talk to me? any opinions are welcome, just please help


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  • This is a very sensitive situation, and I dont know the details of your relationship, but this is what I feel from what I do know...

    If he can't open up to you about his emotions, the relationship isn't going to work. I'm not saying you should break up with him right away or anything, but you need to work something out soon or this is just going to keep eating you, and I'd hate to see you in a cycle of suffering.

    If you can, spend some time alone with him. Have you told him how this situation makes you feel? Just telling him to stop texting his ex is not going to bring him close to you... you need to open up YOUR feelings and express your concerns in a calm and caring way, and see how he responds. I don't know if you've ever had a period of sadness while you were with him, but if you have never had anything difficult going on that you told him about, it might make it more difficult for him to open up to you.

    What I mean is this... while he was in a relationship with his ex, they may have gotten used to talking about difficult things, and to this day feel comfortable doing so. He probably wants to tell you about whatever is going on. You are his girlfriend and he cares about you. But... maybe he doesn't know how to tell you, because you've never had anything difficult to talk about before. It's a barrier that is hard to break sometimes.

    The best thing to do is to show you care as gently as possible. Never demand answers or get upset when he doesn't open up to you. Getting angry and frustrated will push him away. Tell him that you want to know what's going on so that you can take better care of him. Don't make it about his ex, because it isn't about her. It is about him.

    If after a while, he absolutely refuses to listen to you and doesn't seem to be changing... well... this might not be a relationship you can hang on to. There's a chance that he still has feelings for his ex, and if this is the case, it's better to split than try to win him over. If you have to win someone over, they aren't what you need anyway.

  • That's shitty. He can turn to his ex for "comfort" but not you? If I were in your shoes, I would break up with him before he even gets a chance to blink.