How can I stop my girlfriend from smoking, I tried to do some things but they did not work, how can I do this?

(Sorry for it being so long it advance)

I have one pet peeve and that is smoking. I'am not at all a controling boyfriend but when it comes to smoking i dont want her to smoke. My girlfriend is beautiful and i told her "if you continue smoking your face will be ugly", then she told me shut up then proceded to ask if i was serious, i said yes. Then she got all sad and said i called her ugly (which is not true, i said IF she continues..).

Every time she smokes i walk away from her and even one time tried yelling but that made things worse. I don't want her to get lung and cancer and am ONLY protecting her. I said that this morning, then cause "stress" kicked in smoked so then i left where we were.

I know i sound like an ass but i'm trying to help her cause i love her so much. She started smoking in the summer and she knew i didn't like smoking. What can i do about this? Again i'm not mean to her at all but when it comes to smoking i try telling her it's wrong. She did text me back saying me leaving her was not nice. (btw we were just at school, i did drive her home).

Anyone else?


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What Girls Said 1

  • Plain and simple: your intentions are good, your approach is not. So far, your approach has been: Shame (telling her she'll become ugly), yell, nag, and walk away. When the approach is always negative, you will begin to ignore it so you don't have to deal with the bad feelings. When that doesn't work, you begin hiding it or even become defensive. No wonder your girlfriend hasn't stopped: you haven't been being supportive.

    I say this from a place where I had my own issues (with an eating disorder) and everyone around me took the approach you did: shame, belittle, yell, nag - thinking it would deter my behavior. It didn't, in fact, it made it worse. Important note: people smoke more when they are STRESSED.

    You need to sit her down and have an actual conversation with her. Tell her you love her and you're worried about her health, and that you want to make sure she lives a good and healthy life. Then stop, and listen to her side and try to understand why she's doing it and how she feels about it. From there, you two can work on it, but you have to be ready for the long haul because it won't change over night.

    • she is gorgeous but i said that so maybe she could stop smoking. i mean yes smoking does make you get all wrinkly (some time down the road). See if i apologize then she might "ok it's ok to smoke now". I do want to say sorry but i guess that really got her down cause she seemed very sad.

      Yes correct with the stress. when she says she is stressed i tell her "for what? you need to smoke because you're stressed? that's not a reason to smoke".

      I told her that instead of spending all this money on cigarettes, why doesn't she get her old car fixed up or a tune up. I just made up another thing and told her "i'm embarrassed to be in the car with you when your car won't start so you should stop smoking and fix that". i said it again... for her to stop.

      Well i will take your advice on the talking part but should i say sorry for what i said today (the ugly thing) and her car? Or should i say sorry for that and have a long talk?

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    • yeah :( i did call her and i said i was sorry for insulting, she said that she cried when she went home which made me feel bad. I think i was too aggressive on this. I told her tomorrow i would talk with her about it. She said she will try her best to stop smocking if i stop saying these things to her so i'll completely stop.

    • That's really good news, good on you for recognizing it and working towards fixing it.

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