So this is the problem guys, I'm a fit guy that goes to the gym 4 days a week. And I've been going out with this girl for about 4 months, nothing serious yet. She has told me that she was way chubby than she is now. She clearly has self esteem issues mainly beacuse of her body and has told me that she wants to do a few surgeries to correct her body, which turn me off sometimes. She is a pretty girl. And some of the pics that she has she is stunning and hot some of them with an angle that make her seems skinny buttt she is not. I have always been atracted to skinny/fit girl, but this time I clicked with her in so many level, although she is like 7 years older than me. But this body issue is getting on my nerve, on my head too much. I don't wanna break up with her for that but sometimes I don't see a future with her, and she is very in love with me. She obviously wants to take the relationship serious but I don't because of what I said before, and its not that I am a jerk, that I like hot girls only, but hey thats how I feel. On the other hands saying to her that her weight is bothering me seems a slap in her face and would destroy her but on the other hand it could make her realize that I really want her and want her to change her issues. Should tell her about it, about what I really feel or not? Cause this could actually really end the relationship as soon as I tell her, and I dont want that, Any advice? This is way over my head, sometimes I think about this very hard, about breaking up with her or if I keep going with her, I don't want her to get too attach, which I think she already is.
Most Helpful Girl
Be very sensitive and caring with her. Maybe you could even start by simply inviting her to come work out with you, if you haven't already. It sounds like you are a good fit for each other, so it could be a lot of fun. Teach her how to work the equipment and make it like a date. If she has a good time, invite her to go with you now and then, and tell her you enjoy her company there.
If she doesn't like that idea, it might be more difficult. Self esteem issues are very hard to get over. Have you tried talking about them with her? Ask her where her insecurities are and find out what you can do to help. If she's insecure about her weight, that's another good way to bring up the gym thing.
I don't think you should say'if you don't get fit, it's over.' That would end things for sure. The best way to help her lose weight is to be encouraging and caring. There's not really a good or easy way to tell someone their weight is bothering you, unless it's to the point where it is a health concern. Any way you phrase it is going to make her see you as shallow. Just be persistent in encouraging her to work out. Say you'd love it if she went for a run with you... things like tha.1
Most Helpful Guy
Instead of giving her an ultimatum, which sucks really, Why not try to take on a more active role in her "recovery" ? How about you introduce her to your gym and show her how to do some stuff and make health a mission that involves both of you? Couples are supposed to be a team. We are supposed to help each other. If you love her and don't want to let her go for reasons that sound shallow even to you, help her. Find a way to tell her that doesn't sound like "You are fat, I want you to lose weight or else, I am gone". Next time she complains about her weight, Tell he "You know what? Let me help you !". Start slow. Give her goals she can easily achieve at first to keep her motivated. Be there for her. Be there with her.2