I just want an unbiased opinion- do you think I'm wasting my time on this one?

I'm almost 18 and I have feelings for my former boss who is now 33 years old. He has a kid, a girlfriend, a very well paying job, and he's been nothing but a kind sweet guy to me. When I first met him I felt very strongly attracted to him but I thought it was just infatuation and I never said anything (plus he's always had a girlfriend). While working together we definitely told each other more than we should have about each other. We got SUPER close and bonder really well. We just had each others back. When I left I felt a tinge of regret in my heart. I literally felt so depressed at the thought of saying goodbye to him. Not only did we get along so well, we had so much sexual attraction that was just never acknowledged in our relationship. I moved states- I'm going to college and I have several great things going for me. I'm very mature for my age and I don't bond well with guys my age for this reason. I work and go to school full time. When I moved, we exchanged number to keep in contact. We texted almost everyday and he gave me advice when I felt lost or told me what to do to avoid taking a wrong turn. He knows a lot about me. So much. Even when things got bad he was always there. I really started to adore him and need him in my life and same with him. We kept texting everyday and slowly started talking about "us". personal questions, flirting, banter. I decided that I was uncomfortable with him having a girlfriend and he told me I wasn't even 18 and he was waiting until I turned 18. We made plans to see eachother the next time I went back home (Marchish 2016) Weve fought about certain topics like the idea of him using me for sex and what his intentions were and I don't know. At the end of everything I feel like I've made him distrust me because I questioned his intentions and now I miss him. He just sent me something in the mail and it got lost-never arrived. He made it by hand and I am upset I never recieved it. I think about him so much. toI feel like I am only going

hurt myself in the end. So yes, ignoring age biases and everything else, should I purse him once I turn 18 and I visit home? Because I feel like if I don't I may regret it entirely as this man is the CLOSEST thing to love I have felt. He has been an amazing friend, role model, everything. He made me feel so happy and alive and complete. I feel like I NEED to kiss him before I just throw the idea out the window just to see how I feel. Even if I don't like him as it turns out and it was just a
crush- at least I will know and I can on with my life. I hate pining for him but I can't help it. I can't bring myself to call him as he scares me- I value him and I don't want to lose him. He won't pursue me until Im 18.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Uh, this is a bad idea. At best he let an inappropriate relationship form that he should have been mature enough not to nurture it. At worst he is a master manipulator who does intend to use you for sex. I just see way to many red flags.

    Let him know that you are not interested in him romantically. You do value the friendship, but it must be a friendship with stiff boundaries, no hanging out alone.

    He will probably get mad or upset, but it's not worth entering a creepy, unpractical and dangerous relationship.

    • Are you really 15? That is good advice. Honestly he is a very good manipulator but I am afraid that he isn't creepy as I initiated it just as much as he.. I gave him the go ahead in all advances. I am however taking a break, good advice. If only just for my sanity :) Thank you.

    • Show All
    • Ehhh... we both got very carried away. You are right about the lack of restraint and respect part. Yet still , I pine like he is my muse and he was the moon and that's just the way it is :/ yet it doesn't change our history dropping our relationship. I could never forget- but move on and learn my lesson I could try.

    • Well, I'll bet you've learned a lot from it. At his age though, he should have known better. I think once he's been gone a little while, you'll be glad you can be with someone closer to your age. Even if you two were a perfect match, you would never hear the end about the he gap and robbing the cradle from family/friends. Best of luck!

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What Guys Said 2

  • Your age difference suggests that you will ultimately be incompatible. You stroke his ego; an older man feels great when he can attract a much younger female, but that is not a substitute for compatibility. The sex will be great for him. . . for a while. . . and perhaps for you, too, but ultimately it will fail.

    • I feel like we are compatible- but he is much more experienced than me in everything and he knows that. I don't doubt the sex will be mind blowing at first and for awhile after that- but it is emotionally painful for me to even continue being his "friend" as I want more than what I can have. I need to take a very long extended break and remember who I am without him because I feel like I have defined a large portion of who I am based on who I was in our relationship. He was like my #1 for awhile.

  • There is a bit of an age gap but that can be over looked. Him having a girlfriend is not a good sign that he would date you. My fear is that he is just leading you on I'm sure your an attractive young lady and I don't blame you at all for questioning his motives. Now like I said you are a young woman there will be plenty of guys that will want to date you don't let one man from you home town stop you from hanging out and going on date with guys from your college you are going to meet a lot of people and let you ex-boss stop you from finding love

    • Thank you. I think it would be healthier for me right now because I let myself fall for him if I deleted his number from my phone as well as blocked him on my social media (we aren't friends but he definitely facebook stalks me lololol) . It's not him- I just need to figure out who I am outside of him. Feeling like he's around aka seeing his number on my phone even just brings back all of the feelings and I like turn to mush it's terrible. Thanks though. I really do want to start dating

    • Ya get rid of his number and everything that reminds you of him. You will find somone just be patient and good luck at college

What Girls Said 1

  • I feel sorry for his girlfriend... jeezus...

    I always suspected if you put a hormonal teenager working with a man in their thirties, human nature was going to happen...