IS this a red flag or am I being paranoid?

hello. I've been seeing a guy for 4 years now. Its had its ups and downs. There has been issues before, mainly innapropriate texting with other women, he came clean and we moved passed it and things have been very good for the last 2 years.

he's not a very avid facebook user, maybe goes on once ina while to check, doesn't post anything. About a month ago i noticed he seemed a little distant, he just said works been stressfull so i left it alone. But what i have noticed is that he's been going on facebook very frequently, as in every hour, even all through the middle of the night, non stop for the past month. Once again he's not posting anything or even likeing anyones posts or pictures or even commenting so i just though it was a little weird.
I brought it up to him and he immediatly got deffensinve and said he's not talking to anyone at all. He ignored me for 2 days, all while still on facebook.
first thing in the morning he used to message me , now he's no facebook and gets to me maybe an hour later. The other day i messaged him good morning and and got no response. I could see that he was on and off facebook the whole day and when he finally did message me back lat in the afternoon he just said "sorry work was busy". I find it strange that he was so busy but he had time to be on facebook off and on for hours before just getting back to me.
Something is just off about it.
Even the last time he was here, he kept his phone in his jacket pocket as apposed to right next to the bed as he ususally does. He stays up later than i do and i noticed when i woke up that morning at 6am while he was still asleep, that his facebook said he was active just 2 hours ago, so i guess while i was sleeping he was on it as well.
The only thing i can think of is that he's talking to someone. What else would he be doing all day and night if he's not posting or anything else.
Am i being paranoid?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't really trust the Facebook apps to be reliable in any way shape or form, not least of all indicating whether someone is or was online recently.

    • I can understand that it can be unreliable at times, but to go from showing activity maybe once every 3 days to suddenly every hour for a month straight doest seem right

Most Helpful Girl

  • The red flag is in the first paragraph and the fact that you are asking this question after FOUR YEARS with this man.

    At fours years you should be committed, in love and talking about marriage given your age. If you are having these kinds of doubts it is time to go. But I guess it all depends if you are okay with being cheated on or not. Either way even if you are okay with it he won't and doesn't love and appreciate you as you deserve to be. If it were me I would find a better match. Sorry to be harsh. Best


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • i think the red flags are warranted. serious what can a person need to do constantly online in the middle of the night. it does suggest that something is going on. his response to your query is also very suspicious as it is incredibly defensive.


What Girls Said 2

  • No, sweetie, Not 'Being Paranoid' at All... The writing on the wall and all, as wise as I am, he is definitely chit chatting in the buddy box with Someone On... Facebook.
    You could face him down, he may deny it, but somehow, somewhere, don't let him play you for a fool when it appears here, dear, the sure signs are showing him, Talking and maybe Texting as well, with a Newbie.
    Good luck. xx

    • *If he wasn't an avid facebook user awhile ago, it looks like he may be making up for lost time. xx

    • but realistically, if he isn't posting anything at all or even liking any posts then the only conclusion is that he must be on chat. but even then its that's the case. why hide it and say "im not talking to anyone"

    • Because he knows it might and probably would pose a problem with Whom he is talking to... xxoo

  • It could be that, I wouldn't advice snooping, however if it's open infront of you- lol. (kidding- sort of) Anyway, you know him best and if he's acting weird and got defensive chances of something is up is really high, I don't think you're being paranoid, if it happened before it can certainly happen again, people are just more sneaky about it.

    • Thank you. I honestly hate snooping. and I don't think I could even if I wanted to. I don't know that password for facebook or even his phone to look if I had wanted to

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