Why are some guys scared of comitment when they meet a great girl, and go for all the hookups instead?

Why? Why would a guy who meets a girl who is a great girl lets say wifey material give up that chance of a relationship to take the hookups instead? Iv been talking to a great guy for a few months now. He said he liked me since last novemeber when he met me but i had a boyfriend. We got to talking, i visited him. He lives in another state but his parents are here. When he intitally flirted he sent me flowers and said cute things like ill love him one day and we should get our relationship going. I visited and he was nothing but amazing treating me like a girlfriend. At the end we talked and he said he wasn't ready for anything. I know he does the whole tinder thing and has f-buddies. Is it like the thrill of the chase? Distance between us in different states or what? He knows and says im an amazing person and wifey material and said all this stuff about us, then why not take that chance? could he really not be ready and just want to keep having fun for awhile more until he's ready? he was cheated on and doesn't trust either and i know when it happened he was devestated and it ruined him. We still talk everyday and it seems good still but I don't know. Why would he not take a chance with me if im so great for him?


Most Helpful Guy

  • The "cheated on" thing is something I take with a big grain of salt (as a guy). I've been cheated on. Its not the most amazing feeling in the world, but you get over it. So, if a guy is still citing to "I got cheated on," I just think its more of a nearly-impossible-to-counter excuse to defer and delay commitment more than anything else. Any girl who even dares to try to call him out on it can easily be hit back with, "OMG! How dare you? You're so insensitive to even suggest something like that!"

    Moving on...

    "scared of comitment" ... ain't that the biggest load of sh*t ever created... by women who want guys to commit to them.

    Scared of "marriage," I understand. Marriage has financial and legal consequences. But scared of commitment? Come on. Let's get real and be honest. Its not some "fear" of commitment that's the issue here. Its something else. And that "something else" is too uncomfortable to confront or admit, so it's just easier to make up this BS about "fear of commitment."

    You know what nearly all men are actually afraid of?

    "A sexless or sexually boring/miserable relationship."

    So, when a guy is dating girl after girl, has experience, and isn't shy or timid, he has a good idea of what exists out there in the market... more so than what any individual woman thinks exists out there in the market. He also has a more reliable basis for his reasonable suspicions and concerns, especially those regarding sexuality.

    So, when he's dating a girl, he respects her enough to not push or pressure for sex. He leaves it up to her, completely up to her. That way, she can feel comfortable and safe enough interacting with him. So, some times goes by, and all he sees is that she has made no effort to move closer towards sex. More time goes by, and he sees that she's done nothing to move things closer towards sex. In fact, he looks at her and sees someone who is totally comfortable and A-okay with how things are in the sex department.

    His experience tells him that girls who desire sex and are not inhibited take action, and have the opposite incentive (i. e., "not" to slow things down). So, he's afraid that if he continues in the direction he's headed, he may end up where he is going (i. e., a sexless or sexually boring/miserable relationship).

    So, he concludes, it's probably in his best interest to keep looking to find a good relationship with someone who poses a lesser risk of a sexually dead or miserable life together.

    • So what are you saying? Should I keep pursuing. Yes we did have sex when I was there. I did wait a few days but after that it was everyday or even more than once a day. We talk everyday and get sexual as well. Sex with us is pretty exciting and he loved it, but like i said we are not in the same state at the moment. He never told me about being cheated on and such it was my freind who did, but i get it. Yes if he is still hurt by that its fine but yes, im not going to do that. Is this a loss cause or am i doing the right thing?

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    • If the latter is the case, then it's not necessarily a "lost cause," but he's probably not "ready" right now for a relationship. Any relationship he gets into, even if he really wants to be in one, is likely to be toxic, destructive, and not end well.

      He needs to work on himself first. And believe me, this is way above your pay grade to sit there and be his therapist or rehabilitative dating service. You have your own life, and you don't have that kind of time and energy, and mental health to waste. If he's ready one day, good for him, you guys can revisit the issue of a relationship together.

      Until then, however, I would be safe and distance yourself, move away, and end things. A person can't love others if he hasn't found inner peace within himself first. So, what point is there continuing in the "hopes" that one day he finds this inner peace and will hopefully then be capable of loving you?

    • Very true thanks! i'm not waiting for him but if he comes around and wants something eventually i will be more than happy about it.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Omg this I need to know... I wish I knew too!

    • Right!! It boggles my mind.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Because we don't want to spend 5 years with a woman only to figure out she isn't 'the one.'
    Besides, we like variety too. Eating vanilla ice cream all the time gets boring after a while. Much of us want sexual freedom.

    • And what if she is the one? I guess your right about sexual freedom with most men, I just don't get it if a guy likes a girl and finds everything he likes in her why not make her his before someone else does. That's where im at with this guy now. We connected but live in different states at the moment. Is it the distance and fear of LDR or what

  • I wish there were women who want to be committed to me, I either get rejected and occasionally have a woman proposition me with friends with benefits as I am experiencing at the moment.


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