You ever felt like you were settling for someone out of guilt?

You ever meet a person off a dating site, who was nice and had a good personality but you ended up not having any physical attraction to them (mainly due to misleading pictures) but kept seeing them because they were nice and you didn't wanna hurt their feelings?

I've done this with a few girls in the past few years and honestly it's a waste of time and very counterproductive. I mean I'm not leading these people on intentionally or have any malicious intent. It's just tough because when they're very interested and you get along fine, you're worried you'll hurt their feelings but after doing this a few times, I learned to just let them know that I'm just not feeling it and let them down nicely without insulting them.

It's been unfortunate because the ones I liked didn't like me back and cut off contact with me after first dates, not all the time but most, and the ones I didn't like back would constantly contact me and I just wasn't feeling it hence the guilt. I'd also like to add that settling with someone you do not like whether it's a lack of physical attraction or emotional connection, DOES NOT make you happier than being alone. It's like sure I'm seeing someone but could care less. That's not how dating should be.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'd rather someone was honest with me than , even if it hurt me. I prefer to know where i stand with someone, then i can work at moving on from them.

    Settling means you are saying " yes" to others while saying " no" to yourself. Relationships are meant to bring both people happiness. I'd take waiting over settling anyday.

    • Yeah it's like if someone is honest with you even if you don't like what you're gonna hear, then you at least know and can move on.

      If someone is stringing you along and then you find out they really don't like you then you start to feel like an idiot and over analyze where you went wrong.

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    • I don't understand how some girls will start talking to me and then expect me to carry the conversation by myself. It's like are they wanting me to interview them lol?

    • Haha yeah, I know what you mean. It's good to find someone who will have a two way conversation, someone you have a great rapport with. 😊

Most Helpful Guy

  • I totally understand the place you are coming from in this question. I think that a lot of people start dating and feel like they have to keep sticking with somebody because they will have a hard time finding someone else, they don't want to hurt the other persons feelings (especially right before they start dating), and many other options depending on the situation. I think a lot of people who have on going relationships need to listen to your advice and really ask if they are with this person because they truthfully like the relationship and have a lot of strong positive emotional and sexual desire for this person or if they don't really have a lot of passion and they are just with them because there is no one else better for you to go after at the moment. I agree with you that living the single life is better then being in a relationship that really isn't working out whether it be because there is no sexual attraction or you don't connect emotionally and every reason in between.

    • Yeah exactly and I used to worry about potential dates being turned off by the fact that I've never been in a serious relationship at this age and that it's be an automatic dealbreaker but the truth is I just haven't found the right one and the time I felt closest to a girl that way, I was just a rebound.

      I mean would it better to tell a girl that yeah I had a relationship but I didn't care about the girl at all and just used her for experience. I've had some friends say fuck her and then leave. But the thing is, if I'm not remotely attracted to them physically then I'm not gonna be able to get it up in the first place. I don't mean that to sound arrogant or to insulting to the girl but that's just how it is.

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    • I've found that most of the time women don't care all that much about how experienced you are. As long as you don't make it a big deal yourself. Be confident in yourself and what you are looking for. They are more concerned about your personality. Teaching somebody how to have good sex is easier then changing their personality or dealing with bad emotional issues at least I think hahaha.

    • Exactly. This other girl I started seeing off Tinder the other day, I hooked up with her but I didn't fuck her because I didn't have a condom so it was a lot of dry humping and I still made her moan and she didn't say oh why aren't you good, you a virgin (which im not, its just been awhile since I've been laid), or anything of that nature.

      You can also have lots of partners and still be a lousy lay too.

      But as far as experience/inexperience goes, wording is key as well as most other things in general.

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 1

  • lol, feminism

    • What does feminism have to do with this?

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    • If you're not gonna have anything relative to contribute to this discussion/question then fuck off

    • I'm giving you the best possible contribution...

      Stop being such a feminist