Did my girlfriend have the right to slap me cause I threw her cigarettes in the trash (i hate when she smokes)?

I tried tell my girlfriend to quit smoking but she does not listen to me. I tried yelling at her to stop but nothing. I even told her she going to end up looking ugly, she got all emotional after that. This morning she had like 5 cigarettes on the table and i threw them out, she got mad ans slapped me.

I hate smoking and she started like 2 months ago cause her friend started. Smoking is a huge pet peeve. So how can she stop smoking and does she owe me an apology? I truly love her but ever since she began smoking we have not been good. Like for example she wanted to smoke and it was raning so i old her to go outisde in the rain (with my umbrella) to smoke.

What can be here?

Any others?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Both of you were wrong.

    It's one thing to not like someones personal possessions, but it's another thing to throw them out.
    You don't have that right!

    Your girlfriend was not right in her response as well,
    It's never okay to put your hands on someone else.

    I disagree with both of your actions.
    I also disagree with the fact that you are trying to control your girlfriend.
    I understand you dislike her smoking, but she is the person that has to make the decision to stop.
    You can tell her a whole bunch of things about how smoking is bad for her... you can talk until your jaws get tired... but she will still smoke.
    Nothing you do or say will make her stop.
    Once you get this, then things will be easier for you (in the sense that you don't always have to fight and bicker).

    You are at the point in your relationship where either you
    A) Accept that she is a smoker (you don't like it, but deal with it because she has to change on her own).

    B) Break up with her (because this a huge deal breaker for you).

    You have to understand that, "You can lead a horse to the water but you can't make him drink".
    The only person in control of their actions is themselves.

    • I see why you're a master. THAT was awesome! And the clean end with the horse, was perfect just PURE PERFECTION!

    • :) Thanks

    • but i dont want her to smoke and that i why i threw it out. I told her she would be ugly if she continues to smoke and she began to cry but i did not say sorry (at the time). Now she actually stopped for 3 days cause i made her believe that. On the 4th day i told her i'am sorry and i didn't mean to make fun of her. Then she began again. I notice if i make fun of her looks, she stops. But i dont want to be rude and do that you know what i mean. The funny thing is she is in nursing and i told her "nurses arn't suppose to smoke right?" Like no matter how much i yell, it doesn't cut through to her. I am not a bad person but care for her. She also says "im so stressed", i told her, no you're not stressed, a person who is stressed is a person who has nothing left and trying to make their life right, that is when we should be stressed.

      I don't know like you think i'am really at fault too? :/

Most Helpful Guy

  • She had the right to be pissed but not to slap. You have to understand the addiction to cigs. I've talked to method and crack addicts that recovered and both have said cigs were by far harder to quit. She could try vapor cigs but if she won't do that you're fighting a losing battle. The addiction is stronger than her love for you

    • i hate to say it but if she chooses cigs over me then i'am breaking up with her, UNLESS she promises to stop

    • Get ready to be single

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • She wasn't right. But neither do you really get to dictate what she can and can't do. I understand that you might concerned for her health but yelling at her and being aggressive (throwing them in the trash) isn't going to help. If this is such a big deal to you, then maybe break up? However, before you do that, why don't you just have a serious talk with her? No yelling, screaming or arguing. Just you opening up about your feelings and telling her that she's wasting money and ruining her lungs, and that you'd prefer it if she could stop.
    I understand the frustration since my dad is a smoker and I hate watching him/hearing him cough up a storm because his lungs are shit. But screaming and arguing won't help.

    • i don't want to really break up with her cause i love her so much. I am a nice person but i HATE smoking. She is 2 months into smoking and when she coughs i'm like "your coughing up a lung again".
      told her she would be ugly if she continues to smoke and she began to cry but i did not say sorry (at the time). Now she actually stopped for 3 days cause i made her believe that. On the 4th day i told her i'am sorry and i didn't mean to make fun of her. Then she began again. I notice if i make fun of her looks, she stops. But i dont want to be rude and do that you, know what i mean? Like you think i am honestly to blame too?

    • Show All
    • If you called me ugly, it wouldn't affect me because I don't give a rat's ass about what some stranger online thinks about me. But if you were my boyfriend, then hell yeah it would hurt. What if she told you that your dick was small, or that she thinks you're really unattractive? Just because we're adults it doesn't mean words don't hurt, especially when those words are said by the people we love the most. You're the last person in this world who should insult her like that.

    • If she said i had a small dick then yeah it would hurt and yes you're right. i do have to say sorry to her. I feel bad now :( but at the same time i want her to stop smoking :/

  • yes she does.

    • why so? i did what i did so she could stop smoking but i will say sorry non the less. I juts dont want her to smoke and we will have a talk about it tomorrow, she agreed on it.

    • Show All
    • its up to you man if you want to say sorry.

    • i'm going to and we will talk tomorrow

  • No, she was wrong to escalate to physical violence.

    It's not okay to hit someone, ever.

    • i mean it's not the end of the world, it doesn't bother me to the point that gets me mad, what i'am bad about is why she won't quit smoking

What Guys Said 4

  • Dump her, smoking is like crack you start and don't stop. The fact she slapped you is physical evidence that she not the girl for you. She can spread her lung cancer fumes with another guy.

  • You can't force her to stop smoking. If you can't deal with it, and she isn't willing to change, then leave her. You had no right to take away what's hers and throw it away.

    But that doesn't make it acceptable for her to lay her hands on you.

  • It's not all about how you feel about it, it's her choice. Slapping probably wasn't appropriate, but you don't have the right to throw her property out without her consent.

    • its just cigs, she slapped me but i won't hold it against her. Is there a way i can make her stop smoking?

    • All you can do is express your wish that she'd stop smoking and tel her your reasons. That's it. If she decides to continue, there's really nothing you can do.

  • No. It wasn't self-defense, so there's no acceptable reason for her to strike anyone, much less her boyfriend.

    You were wrong to throw away her cigarettes, as disgusting as they are.

    But no, she had no right to hit you. I'd break up.

    • a slap isn't a big deal to me personally. But if she doesn't stop smoking then i might have tobreak up with her even though i dont want too