What does he want? I'm confused and in the process I might be confusing him? just sex or something more?

Hey there and thanks for reading,

I started seeing a guy for a month now. He is really handsome and we have lots of things in common. He messages me everyday and is very affectionate ( he cups my face when he kisses me, caresses my hair a lot, kisses me in the forehead and gives me little kisses everywhere) We've been on six dates and in the last one we had sex. He was super sweet. While we were having sex, he asked me what I was thinking, he stared at my eyes and searched for my hand. He also kissed my forehead. After the sex, I said I had to leave so I cuddle with him and left after fifteen minutes or so. He didn't offer me to stay. However, that was two days ago and he still messages me normally, we talk about music and books that we like, like always. He hasn't mentioned the sex and neither have I.

The catch is that we're both seing other people and we talked about this since the beggining. He is very rational and says that he doesn't want to get into a relationship until he is convinced. He also mentioned that he falls into relationships and that he doesn't plan them. I was cool with that since I'm also seeing other guys and seeing what happens.

But! on the fifth date, I asked him out to go out on Saturday and he said he was seing a girl that he mentioned is his friends with benefits. I freaked out a bit although I knew about this since day one. It was an unexcpected reaction. I told him I coudln't have sex with him since he was having sex with another girl. He said that he didn't wanted to ruin things, that he liked me and enjoyed spending time with me. We kind of left it at that and kissed at the end of the date like nothing had happened.

In the six date we had sex, we didn't mentioned anything about me freaking out about him sleeping with other girl. Or my willingness to sleep with him now. It just happened.

What do you guys think?

In one hand, I think he likes me because he is very affectionate, seems very interested in getting to know me better and its very respectful of what I think. However, he might just want to have his cake and eat it too.

Thanks a lot. Sorry for the long post.

  • He just wants you for the sex.
    Vote A
  • He likes you
    Vote B
  • He might like you but he doesn't want to commit
    Vote C
  • He is just seeing what happens
    Vote D
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What Guys Said 1

  • Hmm... He doesn't sound like a jerk, and it does sound like he was up front with what his current situation is and how he approaches relationships, but at the same time it sounds like you want more of a commitment and exclusivity from him.
    Maybe the way to handle it is to keep doing what you've been doing as far as texting, dating, etc., but let him know you really don't feel comfortable having sex with him unless it's an exclusive deal. And don't give in if you tell him that.
    It may take a little while but as long as you know it's not a 100% done deal, he may realize that you're worth the commitment and will give up the friends with benefits relationship. If not, then it's the "he wants to have his cake and eat it too" situation, in which case you need to accept that he's not 'boyfriend' material (yet) and may never be the right one for you.
    Don't let yourself get disillusioned or get your hopes up prematurely.
    Set your boundaries and don't be afraid to walk away if it's not the right arrangement for you.
    Good luck!!!

    • Thanks for your answer! it's really helpful.

      He is not a jerk either. The thing is I thought I wanted this when I freaked out on him in our fifth date, however, after that incident I'm not sure I want that from him since we're too different in our approach to relationships

      Thats why I had sex with him because I like him but I don't know if he is relationship material. So, as for now, I'm not giving up my dates with other guys.

      Right now, I'm seeing what happens but I wonder if he is just in for the sex, that would bother me.

    • Yep. Know what you require from a relationship, set that standard and don't deviate from it in hopes that a guy will come around and feel the same way. Guys are wired different from girls, guys can have sex for sex sake and have no emotional attachment, but from what I understand about the female brain, it's a little more difficult to keep emotions out of a sexual relationship, even if you think you're OK with it just being casual sex...

      Remember that there are plenty of great guys out there who will devote 100% of themselves to you, exclusively. So if that's what you want, don't settle for less.

      Good luck!

    • this is very interesting, since I was thinking about this after I had sex with him,

      not all girls are wired this way. After I had sex with him I didn't felt any more or less attached to him. As a matter of a fact, I left fifteen minutes after. It was fun but it didn't made me feel different about him.


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