What to do when dating makes you feel like a liar but not dating makes you feel like a loser?

I'm always filled with regret and guilt when I date but I feel lonely when I don't. Whenever I date girls I feel like I'm what my cousins call "selling a dream". On paper and even in person most girls really seem to like me. I've always had a pretty big group of female friends and never really had a period when there wasn't at least one girl who showed interest in me. But I've always had a dream of what kind of relationship I've wanted. It almost feels like a hedonic treadmill but I'd like to believe there's an end to it. Often times when I'm dating a girl it's not because I really really wanted to date her. Usually I just couldn't take being single anymore. It always feels better at first but very soon after I start regretting it because I feel like I'm not being honest. Then I start feeling guilty because I can tell my behavior is negatively affectting her too. And that's where the selling a dream feeling comes from. I'm in the relationship putting in minimal effort while she's trying really hard and deep down I know I'm probably going to leave soon. So about 3 years back I quit dating out of respect for other people's emotions. Well really I didn't quit dating I just started going through the entire cycle before even getting to a point of calling it dating with most girls. Now I just friendzone most girls and do my best to be a good friend. I like these girls but I just don't feel like I could give more than a friendship without feeling dishonest. And I function a lot better as a friend. But at the same time I always feel lonely. It's not like a crippling my life is empty I don't wanna live anymore kinda loneliness. It's more like little reminders of loneliness that disrupt my happy days. I just don't know how to deal with it other than just waiting. So I figured why not ask GAG. I know this probably isn't a problem that's worthy of complaining about but I'm just feeling like I'm getting nowhere thinking on my own.


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What Girls Said 1

  • You just haven't found the one who makes you want to be with her and to be a better man. I think you did the right thing stopping dating. Just live your life and you will find her naturally.


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