What to do if he doesn't love me after six months?

Question

Hi please some advice, if my boyfriend says he still doesn't love me but has strong feelings for me, do I hang around? It's been six month relationship. He has however told me he's fallen in love sooner than this before, it hurts knowing that. I suggested ending it because I want mutual feelings. He cried and said he would miss me. Three weeks down the line he suggested breaking up with me now. What do I do? We get on enjoy each other's company. He said he cares deeply and is attracted to me but he doesn't miss me all the time or get the butterflies at the thought of seeing me so that's why he feels it isn't love. I feel he's immature and his views on love differ from mine. He asked me to define love and my feelings to him, I did, then he said well that's exactly how I feel but just cos I'm not calling it love... I'm baffled and hurting thanks for reading xx

Answer 1

Twiggy_Balboa

Xper 4

Depending on your definition of love, there is not a set time period where you fall in love with someone. It could be six days, six months, six years. If he doesn't get butterflies at the though of seeing you, that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. If he doesn't miss you all the time, that doesn't mean he doesn't love you either. He should however, always be thinking you. Don't expect him to love you in the same time span you might love him. If he's attracted to you both physically and characteristically, with time (as long as you don't drastically change), he will come to love you! Could you possibly let me know what yours and his definition of love is? I'd like to give you further opinions based on that.

Bobo7735

+1 y
Thanks Twiggy that's a really helpful reply and wish he had the maturity to view it this way, he's 36. I view love like that, it grows stronger from knowing someone more.
My definition is i can't imagine not having that person in my life, I think about them all the time, I'd feel sad if they weren't part of my life, when something happens or I have news they're the first person I want to tell, they're my priority. I respect them and they make me feel secure and happy. I want to be there for them through good or bad times.
He agreed with my definition but then said he doesn't miss me all the time so he doubts his feelings.
I'm lost what to do. I would just have plodded along not putting pressure on him to fall in love with me, but he's raised it three times now over the last three months so it's obviously an issue to him. What do I say to him? Thank you
Bobo7735

+1 y
Oh and yes he is attracted to me and says I'm beautiful/hot and I'm the best girlfriend he's had in terms of how well I treat him... what did I do wrong... perhaps treat him mean would have worked? Cheers
Twiggy_Balboa

+1 y
Well looks like you got the definition of love right! I don't understand though... If he's the one having issues saying he's not sure if he loves you, I'm not sure why he would bring it up. If you're compatible with him and he's compatible for you, then with time he should come to love you. Don't treat him any different than the way you do now! I think he just needs time to figure out his stance on how he feels about you.
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Bobo7735

+1 y
I'm thinking it's to do with him wanting to settle down in life and I'm thinking he's either scared or panicking times running out by staying with someone whom he believes he doesn't love. I think that's my take on it. He knows I'd settle down and have his child so there's no more reassurance I can give to him now. Like you say it's down to him now to sort his head out. I hate this uncertainty
Twiggy_Balboa

+1 y
Yes, and if you think he's worth the wait, I'd defintiely stick to him and just keep showing him how much your care for him and love him. Good luck to you two!
Bobo7735

+1 y
Thanks so much for taking the time to offer this advice it's really helpful
Bobo7735

+1 y
Well this week he dumped me by text message. I've since found out from his mum he's a commitment phobic so from a guys point of view would someone hide their feelings from you if they are scared. So even if he felt something for me he just makes up stories that he doesn't?
I'm heartbroken and hurts more that he did it this way. He said he will meet me this weekend to chat I want to know deep down what went wrong. A guy who cried begging me not to split up cos he didn't love me only six weeks ago to a guy now who just walks out of my life. Can feelings change that quickly? Thank you

Answer 2

Bobo7735

Thanks Twiggy that's a really helpful reply and wish he had the maturity to view it this way, he's 36. I view love like that, it grows stronger from knowing someone more.
My definition is i can't imagine not having that person in my life, I think about them all the time, I'd feel sad if they weren't part of my life, when something happens or I have news they're the first person I want to tell, they're my priority. I respect them and they make me feel secure and happy. I want to be there for them through good or bad times.
He agreed with my definition but then said he doesn't miss me all the time so he doubts his feelings.
I'm lost what to do. I would just have plodded along not putting pressure on him to fall in love with me, but he's raised it three times now over the last three months so it's obviously an issue to him. What do I say to him? Thank you

Answer 3

Bobo7735

Oh and yes he is attracted to me and says I'm beautiful/hot and I'm the best girlfriend he's had in terms of how well I treat him... what did I do wrong... perhaps treat him mean would have worked? Cheers

Answer 4

Twiggy_Balboa

Well looks like you got the definition of love right! I don't understand though... If he's the one having issues saying he's not sure if he loves you, I'm not sure why he would bring it up. If you're compatible with him and he's compatible for you, then with time he should come to love you. Don't treat him any different than the way you do now! I think he just needs time to figure out his stance on how he feels about you.

Answer 5

Bobo7735

I'm thinking it's to do with him wanting to settle down in life and I'm thinking he's either scared or panicking times running out by staying with someone whom he believes he doesn't love. I think that's my take on it. He knows I'd settle down and have his child so there's no more reassurance I can give to him now. Like you say it's down to him now to sort his head out. I hate this uncertainty

Answer 6

Twiggy_Balboa

Yes, and if you think he's worth the wait, I'd defintiely stick to him and just keep showing him how much your care for him and love him. Good luck to you two!

Answer 7

Bobo7735

Thanks so much for taking the time to offer this advice it's really helpful

Answer 8

Bobo7735

Well this week he dumped me by text message. I've since found out from his mum he's a commitment phobic so from a guys point of view would someone hide their feelings from you if they are scared. So even if he felt something for me he just makes up stories that he doesn't?
I'm heartbroken and hurts more that he did it this way. He said he will meet me this weekend to chat I want to know deep down what went wrong. A guy who cried begging me not to split up cos he didn't love me only six weeks ago to a guy now who just walks out of my life. Can feelings change that quickly? Thank you

Answer 9

Dingsbums | 427 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

That's difficult. At least he is honest so he doesn't have to come up with something like I don't love you anymore

What to do if he doesn't love me after six months?

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