What to do if he doesn't love me after six months?

Dating

Hi please some advice, if my boyfriend says he still doesn't love me but has strong feelings for me, do I hang around? It's been six month relationship. He has however told me he's fallen in love sooner than this before, it hurts knowing that. I suggested ending it because I want mutual feelings. He cried and said he would miss me. Three weeks down the line he suggested breaking up with me now. What do I do? We get on enjoy each other's company. He said he cares deeply and is attracted to me but he doesn't miss me all the time or get the butterflies at the thought of seeing me so that's why he feels it isn't love. I feel he's immature and his views on love differ from mine. He asked me to define love and my feelings to him, I did, then he said well that's exactly how I feel but just cos I'm not calling it love... I'm baffled and hurting thanks for reading xx

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What to do if he doesn't love me after six months?
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  • Depending on your definition of love, there is not a set time period where you fall in love with someone. It could be six days, six months, six years. If he doesn't get butterflies at the though of seeing you, that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. If he doesn't miss you all the time, that doesn't mean he doesn't love you either. He should however, always be thinking you. Don't expect him to love you in the same time span you might love him. If he's attracted to you both physically and characteristically, with time (as long as you don't drastically change), he will come to love you! Could you possibly let me know what yours and his definition of love is? I'd like to give you further opinions based on that.

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    • Thanks Twiggy that's a really helpful reply and wish he had the maturity to view it this way, he's 36. I view love like that, it grows stronger from knowing someone more.
      My definition is i can't imagine not having that person in my life, I think about them all the time, I'd feel sad if they weren't part of my life, when something happens or I have news they're the first person I want to tell, they're my priority. I respect them and they make me feel secure and happy. I want to be there for them through good or bad times.
      He agreed with my definition but then said he doesn't miss me all the time so he doubts his feelings.
      I'm lost what to do. I would just have plodded along not putting pressure on him to fall in love with me, but he's raised it three times now over the last three months so it's obviously an issue to him. What do I say to him? Thank you

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    • Thanks so much for taking the time to offer this advice it's really helpful

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    • Well this week he dumped me by text message. I've since found out from his mum he's a commitment phobic so from a guys point of view would someone hide their feelings from you if they are scared. So even if he felt something for me he just makes up stories that he doesn't?
      I'm heartbroken and hurts more that he did it this way. He said he will meet me this weekend to chat I want to know deep down what went wrong. A guy who cried begging me not to split up cos he didn't love me only six weeks ago to a guy now who just walks out of my life. Can feelings change that quickly? Thank you

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  • That's difficult. At least he is honest so he doesn't have to come up with something like I don't love you anymore

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