Falling apart after the ultimate lead-on?

So I've been dating this girl for close to a month and we have been on several dates. The dates have all went well, plenty of conversation and laughter, and we really seemed to hit it off and genuinely enjoy one another's company. But it was last week that I noticed she seemed distant.

Anyways, we had a date over the weekend and it was a nice all day thing that was a lot of fun. At the end, she said goodbye with a hug and a cheek peck. There has yet to be a first official kiss, nor do I believe there will be anymore.

Yesterday after this last date I decided to confront her due to all of the mixed signals. I asked, "So are you even attracted to me?" to which she responds, "Why would you ask that?" then "I don't think I'm ready to have another relationship right now. I'm just trying to meet friends..." but then finally changes it to "I'm kind of confused right now. My ex boyfriend appeared again and I'm just confused with everything."

I was kind of hurt by this and confused why she would be going on these dates with me if there was no attraction or interest? Why would she act like she was interested if she is not? I'm just trying to make sense of her motives because she is an otherwise caring person that I wouldn't imagine purposely running game on someone. All of the flirtation spoke interest but things went downhill after the past week, which I'm guessing is when the ex resurfaced.

Just wondering if I should even continue talking to this girl? My strategy as of now: only talking to her again if she contacts me, and when she does telling her that I think she should be with her old boyfriend, and whenever that doesn't work out I would be happy to hang out again if I'm single.


Most Helpful Girl

  • wait you said you guys have been dating tho?

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    • thanks for your input on this. hopefully one of my dates this weekend will take my mind off of everything.

    • nw! and good luck!!!

Most Helpful Guy

  • You've been dating for a month without kissing.

    How explicit was the 'flirting' really?

    You sure this was the ultimate lead on, or were the signs there and you ignored them?

    • Actually this would make 3 weeks not a month. Just 3 dates and a lot of phone talk / texting.

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    • Most women prefer nice -men-. A few do intentionally relive abusive scenarios, but most like nice men.

      But there's nothing 'not nice' about escalating and moving on if a woman isn't interested in a physical relationship. Don't let the messages you got as a kid about being a nice boy (which were actually just guilt trips to discourage premarital sex) drive your behavior.

      If you are clear about what you want, respectful of what others want, and simply move forward to find women who reciprocate, how is that not being a decent guy?

    • I highly appreciate your experience and wisdom. Thanks for telling me what I needed to hear.

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What Girls Said 1

  • You should wait to talk to her until she sorts out her feelings. Do your own thing for now until she contacts you. Good luck


What Guys Said 0

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