Girls, am I selfish?

I have been dating my SO for over 3 years during which time i have done everything asked of a man whilst she in truth has treated us like an option. She has an extremely dysfunctional family and as a result, feels it is her responsibility to make sure they're okay. As a consequence our relationship has always been second best. I used to understand and help when i could as her mum is a single parent and they have little money. However i have begun to realise that all their issues are self inflicted. They have no money because her mum decided to move to a larger council house which demands more rent, she refused to demand child maintenance from her ex husband due to pride which has only resulted in hardship for her daughters. My girlfriends sister became pregnant at 18 with a man who is absolutely despicable and continues to date him eventhough he does drugs, steals things and said things to her mum that i had to physically get involved with him over. Since then i just dont want anything to do with them. As a result of having a kid my gf's middle sister will now not help her mum or look after the younger sister which is made worse by their mums lack of friends and insistence on not asking her parents or ex husband to help. So of course my partner always volunteers, completely neglecting our relationship. When i ask my girlfriend to occassionally put herself and our relationship first she just asks me to understand. I understand family is important to her, i don't want her to neglect her family for me but in the same vain i dont want her to neglect our relationship for her family.
Am i selfish for feeling like this? i have talked to her about it more forcibly recently however she tells me to leave if i dont like it and that her family would always come first.

She never has time to see me, if i go to hers she just neglects me and chats to her mum like I'm not even there, she often blows me out/is late and there is no talk of our future together until her mum is okay which being brutally honest isn't going to be anytime soon. What has brought me on here is the fact my girlfriend has now quit university (which was her dream) because of her family issues. I just despair at how unselfish she is!


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What Girls Said 1

  • Ni, you deserve attention also. Though, honestly I. don't think now is the right time for you to be dating her. She. clearly had a full course meal on her plate.