Should we have to put our life on hold?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. He has a 3 year old son and I have a 7 year old daughter. His baby mom is crazy so he tries to avoid any situation where she might be around. That's fine I guess for now and he told me it won't be like that forever. He said he wants to enjoy the time he spends with me and the kids. I get that but if we want to go to a public event he will avoid it if he knows she is going to be there. I told him that's fine for now but we can't stop our life as a "family" Just because she might be there. I said thats no kind of life for us and the kids. He agrees but he said it's hard because his son has seen how crazy his mom can get and introducing me into the mix wouldn't help and it's not good for the kids. He said he is trying and I believe him but and I told him only he knows when the time is right but I guess my issue is when is enough enough? He said it's also hard because he has never felt like this about someone and he doesn't want to throw me and my daughter into any messed up situations that may arise if she is around even in public because he feels that will be even worse. He said it's enough drama already for him and his son that he doesn't need to add to right now. I just feel like he is dragging his feet so to say and I feel like she needs to get over it and deal with it because I'm not going anywhere. That's her problem not mine. I just feel like even though he says it won't be like this forever it will. What can I do to help him get past this and get her to understand it is what it is. I don't even know if I'm asking the right question. HELP!!


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  • You can't make him do anything, and you can't make her do anything. Don't approach her, and don't pressure him, you won't get what you want from that. I'm a parent myself and I know all about the disappointment of not having other people involved, meeting my expectations, and hoping they could have a proactive attitude when dealing with issues, or actually WANT to deal with them, but the truth is, you can either accept that things may never progress as you want, and be happy with the man you have, or you can throw away the relationship because he has some baggage, that doesn't fit into your idealist fantasy of the situation. Do you love him enough, and are you happy enough to accept the not-so-great aspects of being with him? Or are you going to let those things that aren't ideal, cause you to lose what you love? Follow me?

    • I've been great with everything and I know it's not the best for any of us because of her. I don't ever say much but why do we have to live our "family" life around her life and or put it on hold just because she may never be able to accept that I'm not going to always be around with him and their son even in public. So we just avoid public situations because she may be there? Its not like every time I bring up doing something he should have to "ask permission" or ask if she is going to be there because sometime we may end up going to do something and without warning she may end up being there because we go to a public place and she without prior knowledge ends up being there. What are we going to do run? That's not fair to us or the kids. I mean I understand that I want what's best for everyone and I get it but we can't keep avoiding life because of her. Does that make since?

    • And I'm not saying he has to do it every time because he doesn't do it every time just when he feels it's a public place or event he thinks she will be at because she is going to bring her daughter.

    • You have to respect his decision about what he does or doesn't feel comfortable with. Pressuring him to act in a way that you think it "better", will only make him feel misunderstood, and unsupported. So instead of trying to force a change that he is resistant to, decide if you can accept the circumstances as they are, or if you want to give up the relationship because of that factor.

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