Shall I carry on making a effort or leave him be? why are guys so confusing ha?

I've been dating this guy for a while, he's a nice guy but very laid back about everything and quite shy but kind be quietly confident. I have made to make most of the descions for meeting etc. He has made it clear he likes me and finds me attractive etc but I'm struggling to find out whther he wants something serious or not. Early on he did make comments which suggest he wasn't just in it for the sex. we have slept together but since then we have been on another date to the cinema which for once he planned and again everything went fine. My problem is this , I do like him but I won't like him as much if he doesn't continues to not give me a bit of a indication he is wanting something more. I spoke to him a week ago now and this was general chit chat and everything seemed fine however i haven't spoke to him since, again I usually message him to organise things cause he is is so laid back but when I do he's like "yeah we'll definitely meet" lol. Shall I just stop messaging all together and see if he responds for once? and then if he doesn't pressume he's not that interested? or shall I message sometime this week just to ask whether he is interested or not? advice please :)


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What Guys Said 2

  • I can see how you might be confused by his actions. The foundation of all relationships is communication. Since you are really feeling like no clear signs are available to you, I'd be honest with him and ask what his intentions are between you and him. Nothing will satisfy your question like a direct answer to that question. Any other way of satisfying your question will still leave the "what if" scenerio open and you wondering if you interpreted the "sign" correctly. Be honest, tell him you like him and would like to pursue a relationship, and how does he feel? If he's too wishy washy about answering then maybe you should evaluate weather or not he fits into "your type". The kind of guy you want to be with.

    • Thanks for your reply! We have discussed earlier on that we're both pretty independent yet would like to have someone to share good times with/ weekends away with etc and hinting that it's not just for sex kind of thing. He's said and made it clear he finds me attractive and whatever And we have conversations about everyday topics and other in-depth conversations which makes me think he's finds me good to talk to too. He is lovely when I am with him but VERY laid back and very shy at times ( I'm a bit older than him so feel I have to take charge at times lol) his job involves travelling a lot as he is a sports person and trains a lot, and I've just found out he is away in Europe which is why he may have my responded in so many days however I don't feel it's a excuse. You're right though I need to just ask him, but at the same time I feel he should make more effort with me and respond first?

    • Yes, being away he could just be very busy. it sounds like you guys have more of a friends with benifits scenerio going on. I think you should first figure out what you really want in a relationship and then see if that fits the need. The terms of your relationship and you stating how independant you both are lead me to believe the relationship is more then casual dating (just sex) but less than a relationship or really dating. So friends with benefits? you didn't state whether you guys are intimate or not, but In that scenerio I'd say he seems to be performing adequately for the situation. You guys communicate well, hang out when there's time, and maybe sleep together (im not sure if you do). Other than that he seems busy with work possibly and not exclusively making time for you, like a boyfriend would. Maybe what's best is to first try to define what you'd like, whether that is just friends with benefits, or movement towards a relationship.

    • Thanks for reply again your really good at advice! We have slept together yes but we have met before after on another date went to the cinema and it went fine and he even said before I left that we'll meet up again (I know that could mean nothing but he seemed keen to at the time) and then I spoke to him a week ago now and everything was fine but I haven't spoke to him since. Your right though I guess just asking him directly will give me piece of mind, I guess because we didn't officially say word for word what we wanted out of it that's why nothings moved on lol I guess I just feel like I'm the one always organising things so maybe I have to decide whether he's worth it or not but yeah I guess asking him directly is the best way

  • I'm not entirely clear on what you meant by "serious", or "wanting something more," but it seems like you want him to contribute more to the relationship (i. e. Plan/organize dates, surprise you with romance, etc).

    He may be taking a step back since, until now, you've been planning most of the dates. Lots of men are like flowing water, we tend enjoy to taking the path of least resistence, so you may actually be encouraging his laid back attitude.

    My best advice is to voice your concerns to him in a clear and concise manner (the more specific, the better) and then take a step back and see what he does. Do not use mindgames like stopping communication. Be straight with him. Passive-aggressiveness rarely solves any problems, in my opinion.

    • Well i just want to see whether he's worth investing my time in. Yeah i suppose your right actually. I kind of want him to take charge a bit. I just don't understand because the last time i saw him he said to me we'll meet up next week , yet no mention of meeting up. yeah I feel like i just want a bit of closure so i know whether there's any point carrying on or not but then a part of me is thinking is it even worth it?

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