My girlfriend broke up with me because she claimed I'm asexual - do I have a problem?

Well - I'm not really sure.

I enjoy the company of women and such, and recently came here to give advice because I am good in all phases in relationships.

Its just romantically, I don't really invest into it. My girlfriend before this broke up with my because she thought it was strange that I only ever wanted to pleasure her, but never wanted any satisfaction of my own and thought I wasn't normal.

Since this last time, I don't really go out with girls anymore. I just had a third date with someone and she asked me why I haven't kissed her or invited her to my place yet.

Frankly, its not that im not sure what to do - I just don't really want to keep going through this, nor do I actually understand if there is something wrong here.

This is the reason I've created this account even though I gave so much advice yesterday.

To be quite honest, didn't really know how to word this. Any sort of help would be good, thank you.
  • Yes, this is normal.
    Vote A
  • No man... this isn't normal.
    Vote B
  • I don't even know
    Vote C
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Should I try consulting a therapist again?
Can any guys out there chime in? No one can relate to this thats a guy?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I wouldn't say it's common, but that doesn't make something abnormal or wrong. I also wouldn't consider you necessarily asexual, as they tend to not partake in sexual activity. You could be bordering asexuality, perhaps.

    It seems to me that you are suffering from the natural hesitations that come from dealing with a failed relationship.

    • Thats certainly part of it... After a certain relationship stage - once we're a few dates in, like with this most recent girl - I've been hesitating to even go anywhere with her because I don't want this to happen again.

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    • ran outta space on that last message - just googled demisexuality and a lot of this stuff really hits home.

      these feelings they describe are exactly how I feel. something genuinely feels wrong inside when I do have sex - its almost like my body is telling me its not a good feeling or its not a good time, yet the girls experience differently / feel otherwise and express otherwise (during sex and whatever) so I dont know how to process it. I just dont feel right.

      and then when they ask me to explain it, they dont get it and think somethings wrong with them or think I dont have feelings for them... Can you see how this can make you go crazy? I dont know how to tell people this. I tried to tell one of my best guy friends and he was like "bro, you gay?"

      there's nothing wrong with being gay mind you - but people just jump to conclusions or make assumptions - when Im not even gay. I do like girls , I mean i want to spend time with them shit I don't know how to say this lol this is such a mental strain

    • My suspicion is that you are in fact demisexual; it's a very broad sexuality, a lot of demisexuals border asexual but partake in sex with a single person.

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What Girls Said 2

  • As an asexual, i can say you're most likely not asexual. Asexuality isn't even necessarily about the sex part, but is defined by one not being sexually attracted to anyone.

    • Hmm. in that case, what do you think is at play here? would you suggest I try therapy again? messaging gravytrain in this post sort of highlighted that I may not have the same method of thinking, but im not sure if thats a bad thing, like my past girlfriends or saying - something I personally need to change - or if " I haven't found the right person " like my past-therapist said.

  • Do you never invest romantically or does it just take time for you to?

    • I feel like I do, but they say otherwise. Im not sure what falls under the category of romance anyway - I mean we did all the relationship standards - my most recent girlfriend pretty much lit into me and said I wasn't human, that after sex and such I'd just go shower and act robotic. But I never felt like this, I don't know man.

      I enjoy pleasuring my girlfriends because they enjoy it. She tried to ask me what I enjoyed, did I even like her I said yes of course but then she tried to kiss me out of nowhere, so I told her to stop. Then she asked me why and I said we were having a serious discussion and it wasn't the time or place. Then she said I didn't love her and did this all the time, and she started to cry. I didn't know what to say. Honestly, it destroyed me inside because every single girl has told me this, and I dont know what im doing wrong.

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    • Have you thought about talking to someone to figure out if you do have an underlying issue with relationships?

    • Thats the other thing, I'd seen a therapist and they said I just hadn't found the right person yet to form that connection with.

      I feel its not that simple though, and I haven't seen anyone since. They gave me some strategies and ways to think about things - but even so I still feel there's something I need to figure out here.

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