Will he calm down and forgive me?

My boyfriend did something while we were having sex that upset me and I couldn't go to sleep after so I woke him up and told him and was crying.

he said I was making too big of a deal out of it. I told him it makes me feel like he doesn't care about me. I then told him I don't know what we are but we've been together long enough for him to know how he feels about me. So if he doesn't care about me the fair thing to do would be to tell me instead of leaving me in limbo for another six months.

I eventually went to sleep on the couch because I was too upset to sleep next to him and he wouldn't cuddle me. Came back to bed later and in the morning he said he wasn't into this as much as me, so I said okay (what else can I say). He just looked at me waiting for me to say something but I was in shock. He started crying gave me my key back, cuddled my dog and left. He stood by the door and stared at me a while before leaving.

I texted him later that I know he cares about me I was just telling him how I was feeling in the moment. He said you should learn not to make assumptions and accuse me of using you for sex or being casual. I said I wasn't accusing him I was just telling him how I was feeling after the act. But he's still really pissed at me.

He he said he only told me he wasn't into our relationship because he thought that's what I wanted to hear but we aren't going to work because I keep accusing him. This is only the second fight over the course of many months but he can't stand arguing.

Once he calms down does this sound like something we can move past?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly he needs to be a bit more sensitive and you need to learn to communicate a little better... for this to end over one thing seems odd. Sounds more like there is more cooking in the pot then just this.

    • Agreed. That's what I've been trying to get at with him. We've been together for almost six months and I deserve a better explanation than just throwing up his hands and walking away.

      I shouldn't be surprised though his last two relationships ended around 2 months over really stupid reasons. It's like once it becomes an actual relationship he can't handle it.

      I'm just dumbstruck though. I've been a really good girlfriend to him. Normal people don't act this way. And my birthday is next week. I was so excited to have him do something nice for me for a change.

    • honestly sounds like your better off?

    • I know you're right. I was having doubts about the long term. But everyone wants to feel special every once in a while. I've done soooo much for him, I would have been happy with a cheap necklace (even though he could afford a nice one) just to have and wear and know he acknowledges my affection. Silly I know.

      Instead today he told me everything he hates about me which really hurt because some of them were things I doubted in myself. It hurts to hear your worst fears about yourself thrown at you by someone you gave your very best. But I have to realize this is what he does with everyone he knows. He doesn't forgive people their flaws and takes for granted their strengths.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Sounds like he is moving on.

    • That would be ridiculous. When I talked to him the next day via text he realised I wasn't accusing him and why I was upset. He was still kind of worked up but began to calm down a little when he realised exactly how horrible the sex made me feel.

    • So then why ask the question?

  • What did he do?

    • He fucked me really hard without trying to get me ready or anything and because he wasn't looking at me he didn't realize he was hurting me.

      He went to cuddle me after but I pushed him away and went to shower myself off. So by the time I got back to bed he was pissed at me because he didn't know why I was acting like that. Now in hindsight he understands but still isn't sure if he wants to work through it or not. He's kind of like I don't know my mind was made up but it was made up on a misconception.

    • I don't know. You guys will need couples therapy... at minimum. You guys are on different planets when it comes to sex...

    • It's the only time he has ever done that and that's why I was upset. He's been in a mood about something but it isn't anything to do with me.

      I guess I should count myself lucky that he's gone if he did it on purpose. It just feels like I'm getting punished here for a whole bunch of things that aren't my fault. I guess I'm lying to myself expecting him to be someone he's not, a caring empathetic individual. Thanks for listening to me talk out loud.

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